Healing Gabe (The Last Hangman MC #3)(45)

“I can’t do this, Viv. Not right now, at least. We’re in the middle of some crazy shit with the club and I can’t get distracted. When all of this is over, we’ll talk about it, but I just can’t let myself fall for you right now. If something happens to you, it’ll break me. I don’t want to risk losing you. I wouldn’t have any reason left to live. I lost you once and I’ll never be ready to lose you again.” I’m speechless, while I understand his point of view, I can’t help feeling like my heart has been broken, again. He said we can talk about this later, but I don’t see that happening somehow. Call me melodramatic, but I don’t care. I love the man and he has pretty much just turned me down.

“C…can you move please,” I say trying to keep my voice even.

“No. I’m not moving until we are okay.”

“We are, don’t worry. I understand you, loud and clear.”

“Don’t be like this. I suck at expressing how I feel, you should know that.”

“You never had any problems telling Annie that you loved her all the time.” I whisper. I f*cking hate myself for saying it. I seriously wish I had a filter sometimes.

“First, that was f*cking low. Second, I don’t know what she told you but I only told her once, I couldn’t bring myself to say it, and mean it when they were meant for someone I couldn’t have.” He glares at me. “Third, don’t ever throw your sister back at me or anything that happened in the past or we’re not going to talk about any possible future between us. Get that in your head. I want you so f*cking badly and I wish I could just be open with you and tell you how I truly feel, but I don’t think you’re ready to hear it all and I’m not ready to say it because you keep busting my balls. All you need to know is that my feelings for you are f*cking there and f*cking true, like it or not, I’m not going to tell you those three words. If you can’t accept that, tell me now before we go any further. Even though I think we reached the point of no f*cking return last night.” he finishes breathless.

“Fair enough.” I sigh softly.

“Look at me.” He says softly, I hesitate but do it. “Think about all I just said, long and hard. None of it was bad. If I just wanted a quick f*ck I would have gone to some club whore, not you. You mean so much more than that to me. Get that in your thick skull.”

“I f*cking hate you and love you at the same time. You confuse the shit out of me, Gabe.” I glare at him and he chuckles, which only makes me glare at him even more.

“You’re adorable and right back at you, Doll. We’ll get there, don’t worry.” He kisses me softly but pulls back all too soon.

“Why did you stop?” I pout.

“Because I have to get going. We have to plan how to take those f*ckers down.” I frown and get up with him. “Turn that frown upside down. I’ll be back later tonight in one piece.” He kisses me hard on the lips and heads to the bathroom. I hope he’s right. I put on panties and a long t-shirt before heading to the kitchen to make some coffee and heat up some frozen waffles and bacon. I set our plates up on the counter and fix our coffees.

“Thanks for breakfast, Doll.” He kisses my neck from behind, squeezing my hip.

“You’re welcome.” I smile softly, looking up at him over my shoulder.

“Cheer up, Buttercup. I’ll come back tonight, don’t worry.” He kisses my head and starts eating, acting as if everything were perfectly normal. Nothing is normal at the moment. I don’t know what to do with all that was said. I eat slowly, not really hungry anymore. I need to focus on something else. “You should go have lunch over at Charline’s. She’s having the girls over to chat. Bennett and Ryan are on ladysitting duty today.”

“Maybe I should. I don’t feel like spending the day on my own.”

“You wouldn’t be on your own.” He snickers.

“Jerk!” I flip him off and eat my bacon.

“And proud. Now, finish breakfast and I’ll drop you off.”

“Yes, Sir.” I roll my eyes at him.

“Don’t call me Sir, you have no idea what that does to me.”

“Good to know.” I smirk and finish my plate in a couple of bites. I’m still not happy with how things went this morning, but his playful mood lifted mine. We finish our coffee and get dressed, getting ready for our day away from each other.

We get on his bike, I just love being on the back of his bike and wrapped around his toned body. Heaven! Unfortunately for me, Charline doesn’t live that far away so our ride is quite short. He parks in Line’s driveway and helps me off of his Harley. We greet Bennett and Ryan at the door and the three men talk outside for a minute.

“Hey Viv.” Line says before hugging me.

I hug her back. “Hey Line, thanks for having me.” I smile and hug Ayd and Nicole.

“Don’t mention it, I’m glad you’re here with us. It’s gonna be more fun now. Besides, we all want to know what’s been going on between you and Gabe.” They all grin at me like Cheshire cats.

“Uh, Gabe? Drive me back home please.” I turn to the door but they all hold me back laughing like mad women.

“You can’t leave them alone for two minutes without them getting handsy with each other.” Ryan says shaking his head.