Gone (Deadly Secrets #2)(62)

She collapsed against him, sweaty, breathless. And he was just as wrecked, but more alive than he’d ever been. Holding her tight, he pressed his face to her throat and breathed her into his heart, into his soul, drawing her back where she’d always belonged.

Long minutes passed where the only sound in the room was their heavy breaths and racing heartbeats. She relaxed into him, sighing in pure contentment. He tightened his hold on her and closed his eyes, loving her damp skin against his and how perfectly she fit against him, even now. Loving everything about her—her compassion, her ability to forgive, the way she made him the man he’d always wanted to be.

“What are you thinking?” she whispered.

He opened his eyes and blinked up at the ceiling. “I’m thinking I’m the biggest fucking moron on the planet for ever letting you go.”

She turned her head against him and smiled. “Yes, you are. No argument there.”

He smiled. Couldn’t remember the last time he’d really smiled and meant it, like this.

“I’m also thinking I like what you did to this room.” His chest pinched. “And I’m trying really hard not to think of you here with anyone else.”

She pushed up on her elbow, looking down with gorgeous green eyes that had haunted him for three damn years. “No one has been here with me.”

His heart sped right back up as he looked at her. “No one?”

She shook her head, all those luscious auburn locks framing her face like ribbons of smoldering fire. “I only got rid of our bed because it was too big. It felt empty being in it alone.”

Pressure formed beneath his ribs as he brushed a lock away from her cheek, so much pressure he couldn’t find the words to tell her how sorry he was for hurting her, for leaving her. For being such an idiot.

Her gaze drifted to his chest, and she brushed her fingers over a mole near his collarbone. “And this will probably sound really pathetic, but . . .” She bit her lip, her cheeks turning a soft shade of pink. “I haven’t been with anyone since you left. I mean, I’ve dated, but I haven’t . . . you know.”

“You haven’t?”

She shook her head again and pursed her lips.

The relief was so sweet, it opened his lungs so he could draw air again, something he knew he didn’t deserve. Unable to stop himself, he laughed and closed his arms around her, pulling her against him as he closed his eyes and smiled into her hair.

“You think that’s funny?” she mumbled.

“Yes, because I nearly decked your boss at the hospital the other day.”

Her muscles relaxed, and she trailed her soft fingers over his arm. “That would have gotten me fired, I’m sure. He’s a nice enough guy, but I shouldn’t have gone out with him. I don’t really know why I did.”

Alec’s smile faded. He knew why. Because she’d been lonely and the guy had shown interest. Alec had no one to blame for that but himself.

It should have been me. It should have only ever been me. His throat grew thick. “I haven’t been with anyone either.”

Her fingers stopped their tantalizing strokes. “Really?”

He shook his head, knowing his admission wasn’t going to be as sweet as hers. And he hated that too, but he owed her the whole truth if they had any hope of moving forward from here.

“I’ve dated a lot of women. Taking a date to family functions was a great way to make sure no one asked how I was doing or brought up my drinking or rehab or any of the past. And it was a way to forget and not have to feel anything.” Her heart beat fast against his, making his hurt all over again, but he forced himself to go on. “I wasn’t a saint, Raegan. I tried to sleep with several of them. I just . . . couldn’t.”

“Why not?” she whispered.

His brain tripped back over the nameless faces, all redheads he’d picked up in a pathetic attempt to purge Raegan from his heart. None of them had done the trick. All they’d done was make him miss her more.

He turned his head and pressed trembling lips against her temple. “Because none of them were you. You’re the only woman I want. The only one I’ve ever wanted. I love you, Raegan. I love you so damn much. I’m sorry I left you. I’m sorry I hurt you. I never wanted that. I only ever wanted you to be happy, and I knew I was making you miserable. I thought if I left, you might be able to smile again. I thought—”

“Oh, Alec.” Her hand grazed his jaw, and she turned her face toward his, claiming his mouth to draw every ounce of his pain and agony and fear away. Her kiss bathed him with sweetness. Caused that tiny heart he’d only recently realized he still had to swell. Gathered all the broken pieces inside him and wrapped them in love until he knew he was forgiven.

When he was breathless, she drew back and looked down at him. And smiled that for-his-eyes-only smile that told him he was loved. That he was home. That they could get through anything together. “I hope you have more condoms in that wallet of yours, because I want you again.”

Heat rolled through his belly, making him hard—everywhere. Making him smile too. “There’s still a drugstore around the corner, isn’t there?”

“Yes.”

He hooked a leg over hers and rolled her to her back. “Then we’re good for at least another round. I have one left. After that, you’ll need to stop mauling me long enough so I can run down to the store.”