Get a Life, Chloe Brown (The Brown Sisters #1)(91)

“When you walked out,” she said, composed now, “it felt like I was breaking.”

Red officially knew the feeling. “Baby.”

She kept going, the words marching out like well-trained soldiers. “No one should be able to make me feel like that. No one should have that power. It’s not … safe.”

A cold hand cradled the back of his skull, long, icy fingers flooding his nervous system until his whole body felt numb. She was shutting down again, because of him. He couldn’t bear it. He refused to be the reason someone so brave went back into hibernation. “Chloe, listen to me. I’ve got issues coming out my arsehole but that has nothing to do with you. You did nothing wrong. Even if you don’t—if you don’t want me anymore, that doesn’t mean you should give up on everyone. On feeling things for people. On risks.”

Silence.

“Chloe, are you there?”

Nothing. Panic filled him like flames devouring a forest, an unstoppable destruction.

“Chloe, please. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. You can trust me. You can trust yourself. If you just give me time—I’m working on this. I can be better.”

That, finally, garnered a response. Her voice was so gentle, but every word cut him deep. “You don’t need to be better, Red, not for me. Never. I should be better for you. For this. It’s been … perfect,” she said, so softly he almost missed the word. “But now it’s over. All right?”

For the first time, he turned around, abandoning the scuff mark that had anchored him. He faced the door he’d been leaning on, the door that hid Chloe, and said, “No.” Because it wasn’t all right at all.

“I’m going, all right?”

“No.” And then, finally, his desperate mind settled on a solution. A possibility. A hope. “I can show you,” he said. “I can show you that this is worth it. That you don’t need to be afraid because even when I fuck up I’ll make it better.”

“Red—”

“You are perfect for me, Chloe,” he said, determination stiffening his spine, strengthening his voice. Finally, his real self returned. He stepped into his confidence like a well-worn leather jacket. “I know you and I want you and I need you. We can do this. I’ll prove it to you.”

“You can’t, Red.” Her voice shook on his name. “This isn’t … Relationships aren’t supposed to hurt.”

“Life hurts,” he said fiercely. “It’s unavoidable. But I know the difference between torture and growing pains.”

She didn’t reply. She’d probably walked away, fed up with him rambling like a fanatic, but that was okay. He was okay. He’d made his decision and he’d stick by it: she meant too much for him to let things end like this. Maybe they’d end anyway, no matter what he did, and he’d have to come to terms with that—but not before he’d tried to fix things. Not before he’d done everything he could to earn her trust. To prove that he was there to stay, to show her he was working on himself. For her. Whatever it took.

He stared at her door for a moment longer, pretending she was still on the other side. He told her absence a secret: “I love you.”

Then he left. It was time to prove it.





CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO


Chloe wanted to believe that Red’s whispered I love you had been simple desperation—another last-ditch attempt to change her mind, to fix everything that had just shattered between them. But the thing was, if she hadn’t been pressed against the door, listening to him as her stung heart held her back, she wouldn’t have heard it at all.

Had he meant it? Was it real? Maybe it didn’t matter either way. Because no matter what he felt, no matter what she felt, he’d still ripped her open and shattered her insides just by walking out the door.

No one should be able to do that to her. Not like that. Not anymore.

So Chloe didn’t allow herself to cry when he was gone. Instead, she got to work.

Her body stiff and robotic, her physical pain at the very back of her mind, she sat down at her desktop computer, grim-faced, to finish his website. She would tie up every loose end there was between them, and then … then, she would wait until the end of her lease and move out. She’d be the one to disappear on him. For the first time, she’d be Chloe Badass Brown who walked away from all the dangerous emotional tangles that threatened her.

The thought brought a vicious smile to her face, but it wasn’t the kind of smile that made things better. If anything, it made her feel worse.

It took hours to finish the site. By the time she was done, her stomach cramped violently with hunger, her knuckles screamed with the agony of overuse, and her rigid, aching back brought tears to her eyes. She was hurting herself and she knew it, but she didn’t have room to regret it. As she fired off her last email to Red, the only thing she could feel was relief.

She’d be so much better after this was done. After she brought all these messy feelings, this imperfect, uncontrollable connection, to an end.

She kept the email short.

Red,

Your website is complete and ready to go live. I’ve attached all the information and instructions needed. Please remember to change your administrative passwords in order to remove my access.

Chloe