Georgie, All Along (106)

I unwind my arms from his waist, bring my hands up to cover his. I press them against my wet cheeks more firmly, memorizing the feel of this as much as I want to memorize the words he’s said to me.

This is what you’ve always wanted, I think. But endlessly, perfectly better.

“I hope that, too,” I whisper. I press onto my toes and kiss him once, hard.

“I know I’ve got to work on it, Georgie. Making space, I mean. I’m going to do that. That’s what having Ev and Liv over was about. And asking your parents for help. I’ve got other ideas, too. Make more space in myself so I can love you the way you des—”

I stop him this time, pressing two of my own fingers against his lips.

“Levi,” I say, because I can’t not say it anymore. It’s that full feeling again, everything opposite to a blank. “I love you.”

His lips curve beneath my fingers and I drop my hand so I can see that perfect, grateful smile. He takes a deep, shuddering breath, lets it out slowly.

“I’m glad you’ll love me no matter what the answer is to all that stuff you said, because the truth is, I don’t really know about most of them yet. But I know what I don’t want, and that’s to spend another day without you.”

“Yeah?” he says, and I know he believes me. But because I know Levi, I also know there’s still a note of surprise there, a question about what he deserves, and I’m determined to settle it for him.

I get my palms on his face now, that somehow-soft scratch of his beard a comforting texture on my skin.

“It’s you, Levi,” I repeat to him, the words he couldn’t hear the last time I said them. “The person I want most in the world. The person I want to figure out all the blanks in both of our lives with. It’s you. No strings attached.”

He moves to pick me up then—arms around my waist, lifting me from the dock and turning me in a circle, restless and joyful, relieved and celebratory. I recognize it: something finally filling him up, clicking into place. Hank’s nails clack closer, and he offers a happy yelp of commiseration that has Levi and I both laughing again.

When he sets me down, he clasps both of my hands in his, ducking to set his forehead against mine.

“It’s you, too, Georgie. You’re the one for me. I’m pretty sure you would’ve been the one for me back then and you’re the one for me now and I know you’re going to be the one for me forever.” He takes our clasped hands and spreads them out wide, kisses me, and then smiles. “Expansive Georgie,” he says.

I smile back, not totally sure what he means, but I can tell from the look in his eyes that it’s something good, something about making that space he needs. Something deep and rich and infinite.

We slip easily back into our swaying dance, and for long minutes we stay that way—Hank lying at our feet, lights twinkling above us, little ripples and splashes from the river punctuating the perfect silence. I think of the promise I made to myself minutes after I first met the man holding me right now—that I wouldn’t let that feeling of blankness chase me anymore.

That I’d figure it all out.

And it’s funny how I feel now. Not like I’m being chased, but like I’m being wrapped up—in Levi’s arms and in this moment, where every page in front of me is somehow both beautifully blank and comfortingly full up. Bel and Harry and Sonya, my mom and dad. Hank and this river, and I hope Evan and Olivia, too.

Me, making things better in the moment, in whatever way ends up making sense.

My name and Levi’s, side by side.

Forever.





Chapter 24


Levi


Georgie’s made the sort of mess I haven’t seen in months.

Maybe ever.

In fairness, it’s not just Georgie who’s responsible—I’m pretty sure Bel is the guilty party behind the confetti poppers that have left tiny, shiny squares of multicolored paper all over the counter I’m leaning against. And the gigantic piece of heavily iced carrot cake I’m only halfway through eating was brought over by my brother, who maybe did not anticipate how clumsy Natalie and Micah’s daughter could be once she got a good few bites of her own slice in. There’s a big blob of cream cheese frosting over there on one of the throw pillows, and I bet the crumbs situation is worse. This is to say nothing of what Hedi’s sort-of step-teenagers have done to the shelves in the last hour in their apparent quest to read the back cover copy of every book Georgie and I own.

I scan the room for Hank, taking in more of the scene—the homemade HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LEVI banner that Georgie and her dad hung up a half hour before this party started, the bright yellow balloons that Shyla blew up haphazardly dotted around the floor. Harry—he’s got on a tie, which makes no kind of sense—is sitting cross-legged in front of the bookshelves with Sonya in his lap, tapping one of the stray balloons high in the air and smiling like a guy who doesn’t wear a tie to a birthday party every time Sonya giggles with delight as it descends. Micah’s in the corner talking to Hedi, and it’s got to still be about guinea fowl, a big topic since I introduced them a couple hours ago. Evan’s coming in the back door with Paul, Hedi’s husband bringing up the rear. By the looks on their faces, if they weren’t all out there getting stoned, I’ll eat my shoe. I catch Liv’s eye near where she stands by the door and she wrinkles her nose, which I guess is confirmation. Good thing she drove today instead of Evan, but I can’t begrudge him. He’s laughing with Paul, the kind of laugh I love to see on him, and anyway, Paul’s a good kind of trouble for Ev, the sort we needed more of in our lives every once in a while. Liv smiles at me and shrugs, and then she’s caught by Bel, who shows Liv something on her phone that makes them both burst into laughter.