Game (Gentry Boys, #3)(77)
“She’s trying,” I sighed. “She wants to be okay.”
“And is she?”
“I don’t know. I hope so.” I broke off and thought about the girl I loved. I wanted the other people I loved to know her too so I told them a few things, about how Stephanie was actually intensely private, even shy. It was what made this whole thing even more excruciating.
Creed listened with his head down and Saylor squeezed my hand a few times. I sighed and leaned back into the couch.
“Chase,” said Saylor gently. “This would be difficult no matter who Stephanie is. She was violated and it’s out there for the world to see. I’m not going to compare my experience with hers because we’re different people. There’s no way to guess what it’s going to take for her to move on. All you can do is hold her when she cries and still be there when she’s finished.”
“Whatever it takes,” I said immediately and I meant it. Then I nodded at Creed. “Look, Steph’s working at the restaurant later. I was gonna hang around during her whole shift, just to make sure she didn’t run into trouble, but it’s been a while since I’ve been to a meeting and-”
“I’ll be there,” he interrupted. “I’ll keep an eye on things. Anyone who hassles her will wish he’d stayed in his mother’s sorry ass womb.”
I smiled. Creedence, for all his grumpy flaws, was a damn good man. “Appreciate it.”
He grinned back. “What are brothers for?”
Stephanie was quiet, even quieter than usual, as we walked over to campus in the early afternoon. She squinted into the sun and kept her arms crossed. Once I spun around at the sound of an obnoxious whistle but there was no one in sight. She held onto me for a minute before heading into the business building, then she breathed deeply and walked determinedly inside, keeping her head up. People would stare. They would say things. I couldn’t stop them. But eventually something else would catch their attention and they would tire of it.
An hour later she was incredulous to find me in the same place she’d left me. “You waited here the whole time?”
“Of course,” I answered with a cocky grin. “I was worried you’d get lost without me.”
She rolled her eyes and held my arm. “Reminds me of how you once boasted of your superior navigational skills.”
I pulled her against me and kissed her temple. “All true, even though at the time I was trying to nail you again.”
“Well, it worked.” She inhaled deeply and exhaled with a smile. “It’s a nice day out.”
“It is a nice day out. It is even possible to stand in direct sunlight for longer than ten minutes without succumbing to heatstroke. We should enjoy this brief respite of temperate weather in the desert.”
“Okay. Let’s go for a hike. I don’t have to be at work for two hours.”
I carried her backpack while we climbed the short distance up the side of A Mountain. She reached for my hand as we looked out over the landscape of the university and beyond that, the rest of Tempe. The clustered office buildings of downtown Phoenix beckoned in the west.
“I didn’t just need somebody,” I told her.
She looked at me like she didn’t understand.
“What you said yesterday morning, about how we found each other at a time we both just needed somebody, that was never it for me.”
“Chase, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-“
I embraced her hard, holding her against me in a way that wasn’t sexual but felt even more urgent. “Listen to me anyway.”
She swallowed and relaxed. “Okay.”
“Stephanie, I could tell you a hundred stories starring me as a supreme * in every single one. Yeah, I had a crummy childhood. And yeah, being attached to the Gentry name meant it was widely known that I would be the same rotten shit as my father and grandfather and probably my great grandfather. I don’t want to try and justify everything I’ve ever done because I can’t. I also can’t pretend that some days aren’t a struggle for me. I understand now that might always be the case. But I swear on my brothers that I wasn’t just looking for something to cling to when I stepped into that elevator in Vegas. I didn’t just need someone. I needed you. Don’t doubt me, Steph.”
She didn’t look away from my face once but she let some time go by before she spoke, like she was trying to piece together her thoughts. “I don’t always know how to talk about what matters to me. I guess after I lost everything it was easier to pretend that nothing mattered.” A small smile touched her lips. “But you surprise me every day, Chasyn. You make me feel hopeful and happy and sometimes angry but always amazingly lucky. I don’t doubt you, Chase. Not at all.”
I wanted to take her home. There was a long list of things I wanted to do to her once we were there. But it was more important to let her heal in whatever way she needed. If that meant I’d be spending a lot of time in the shower in the coming days, then at least my hand was strong.
Stephanie leaned into my chest, pressing her cheek against my heart. I held her in my arms and delighted in the soft sigh that escaped her. It was a beautiful moment.
CHAPTER TWENTY NINE
Stephanie
“Truly, how do I tell if these are done?”