From Twinkle, With Love(37)
He waved me off. “Nah, nothing.” Raising his chin toward the backdrop, he said, “So, you want to check that out?”
Again, I got the feeling there was so much happening I couldn’t see. Sahil was an iceberg. Ninety-seven percent of him was under the surface.
He clearly didn’t want to talk about it, and I didn’t want to be the Titanic, so I nodded and walked up to the backdrop. Running a finger along the (non-fanged) moon and (non-fingered) trees, I whistled. “Love it. Love. It. This is exactly what we need for our first scene today.” Sahil came to stand beside me, and I smiled at him. “Thank you.”
“Anytime, T,” he murmured. “Anytime.” And then he was back to being my Sahil, the soft, sweet friend I could share anything with.
Don’t judge me, Nora. I know I’ve had that secret fantasy about Neil and me being this power couple for as long as I can remember. But what about the connection I’m making with his twin brother now? Aaaahhhh. Why is high school so complicated?
Love,
Twinkle
Thursday, June 11
My room
Dear Mira Nair,
My first day of filming is over. It. Was. Amazing.
I mean, sure, things were still pretty prickly between my lead actress and me. (She and Brij were talking up a storm, but of course I couldn’t comment on that because we’re not talking to each other.) Victoria wasn’t on the same page as Maddie because she came up to me and said, “Twinkle, do you think my right side is my good side?” (She has one of the most symmetrical faces I’ve ever seen, Mira, so I’m not sure what she’s talking about. All her sides are “good.”) And then she said, “I love this white dress you got me” and “This scene is so incisive!” She even gave me her cell number in case I wanted to text her scene ideas for her character. (I didn’t have the heart to tell her I don’t have a cell phone; that probably wouldn’t compute for someone like Victoria.) I think she was trying to be my friend. Victoria Lyons. It’s like becoming a director is making me someone even silk feathered hats like Victoria respect.
And what’s weird is … I felt myself changing too. As the minutes wore on and I was directing people (as one does when one is the director), I felt like I was getting taller. My shoulders straightened out. I stopped caring about whether I’d say anything dumb because all of them were hanging on my every word. I felt like a director for the first time ever today. I wasn’t a silk feathered hat person, but just for that period of time, I wasn’t a groundling either. I’m never, ever going to forget this feeling.
Oh, and I found out why Sahil had e-mailed to ask me what font I liked. He, Skid, and Aaron had pitched in and gotten me a director’s chair with my name on it. They made me cover my eyes and sit on it and they kept asking me questions like “Do you feel different?” before they’d let me uncover my eyes. When it sank in what they’d done, I almost cried. I just looked at them, all of their faces smiling and sweet and friendly. They’d planned this for me, and they barely knew me.
It’s getting a treasured place in my room when we’re done with the film, a reminder that there are people who believe in me and the message I want to send the world. And then if I ever win an Academy Award, I’m thanking them onstage.
So, after we finished filming the first scene and Sahil dropped me off at home, I had a surprise waiting—an e-mail from N! Pasting it below.
This has easily been one of the BEST days of my life.
Love,
Twinkle
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: You’re not bugging me
Twinkle,
Okay, I’m convinced. Let’s meet up. How about the carnival downtown Saturday night, 8 pm? I’ll meet you by the carousel.
—N
Eleven
Saturday, June 13
Dressing room at Target
Dear Haifaa al-Mansour,
I convinced Dadi to loan me some money to buy a dress. She thinks I’m going to the carnival to hang out with Maddie. I don’t like lying to her, but if I told her I was meeting some boy who’s been e-mailing me on the Internet, she would probably keel over of a heart attack. So I’ll tell her once it’s all worked out, promise.
I’m not letting it dampen my mood because … it’s Saturday, the day I meet N at the carnival!
It’s not till later tonight, but I opened my closet, looked in there, and realized I have nothing to wear. Nothing that doesn’t make me look like a twelve-year-old, anyway. So here I am, trying on clothes.
N has to be Neil, right? I mean, fixing the meeting for Saturday at eight p.m.? He’s probably done with his swim training then.
I kept rereading his e-mails like some obsessed character from Macbeth (instead of “out, out, damn spot!” I wanted to yell, “hint, hint, one hint! That’s all I want!”), until I made myself step away from the screen. I had to force myself to remember all the other cool stuff I have going on in my life.
So, okay, my ex-bestie (extie?) and I are still fighting. She wouldn’t even fully look at me during filming yesterday. But we got one whole scene completed. And all the other actors were paying attention, especially Brij, who kept staring at me like he was trying to see into my brain or something, which was a little intense, but if that’s what he needs to do to get into character, who am I to judge? I’ve slept in my famous female filmmakers T-shirt every night this week to get into the mind-set of a butt-kicking female director. Victoria casually let it slip that she’d told Hannah I was coming to the party and then later I heard Maddie tell her that it was a bad idea to let me come. Then she saw me and her eyes got all wide and she walked off. Whatever. I’m still going. I’m the director and I was invited.