Frayed (Torn #2)(7)

What a f*uking mean, cold-hearted bastard! All I wanted was a little kindness from him, but I didn’t even get that. I mattered so little to him. That knowledge made me feel like the na?ve idiot that I really was. What happened to all of his declarations of love? Did it all go downhill the minute I told him I was carrying his seed as well?

After a few hours, Harry texted me the information as he had promised.

Appointment is for eleven in the morning. Don’t eat anything past midnight. A car will pick you up at seven-thirty tomorrow. Be ready by then.

Harry worked everything fast. If I hadn’t been sure before, it was definitely crystal clear now that he certainly didn’t want this kid with me.

For the entire afternoon, I stuck to the same spot. When nightfall came, I hadn’t made a move. The entire apartment was dark, I didn’t care for any light. Turning them on would only show the kind of rotten being that I was. Because I was rotten, filthy, despicable, deplorable, but most of all, I was completely abominable—a sinner with the large, scarlet letter. Yes, I didn’t deserve the light, hence the darkened surroundings.

I sat in the dark, immobilized as I gripped my stomach with both arms. It was to be a sacrifice—for love—a sacrifice atop my own. For I knew, once this was all done, my soul was to be given up as well. It was an even exchange for the heinous crime that was to be done.

Without sound, I stood up and went to the unlit bathroom. I needed a hot bath. Once the water was halfway filled, I slowly took off my clothes. Naked, I slid inside the warm water carefully. Here, in this solemn place, I prayed for my unborn baby.

My palms stroked my bare stomach. My throat caught as I tried to speak. “I barely just found out about you… and a couple of hours after learning of your existence, I had to make drastic decisions. I’m so sorry, but your father needs you to sleep… forever. Forgive me.” I cried harder as the realization crushed me again. “I’ll sleep in the dark with you, my love… I’ll stay by your side. You’ll always have me there… with you.”

Sleep eluded me that night. I ended up curling up in my bed, staring at the clock, until it was time for me to get ready. I wasn’t wholly baffled with Harry’s attitude. One thing that truly mattered to him was his inheritance. He was the first - born son, and he stood to get more compared to his brother Harold, who hated his brother with a passion The feeling was mutual, brotherly love was non-existent between the two. I’d met Harold a few times and, let me just say, that the man was quite vocal about what he really felt about his brother. I never quite got why those two didn’t really get along, though.

Thinking about all the consequences that could unfold made me sick with dread, but what really gutted me was the unavoidable truth. I would be the one to face all of them, to be castigated and surely carry my family’s scorn and loathing, if the affair ever got out. My pregnancy would definitely cause another string of explosions along the way. It would be like walking through a field of landmines. One explosion would lead to another, a never - ending chain of devastation. The damage would be severe… and I would have to wear the scars. Forever.

Even if the scars that I carried were only emotional, I would certainly be shrouded almost completely by them. It would surely tear me apart. Frayed, that’s how this is going to leave me.

As promised, a hired, black-tinted Audi showed up promptly at seven-forty five in the morning. The driver greeted me, but I barely gave him a ghost of a smile.

I was dressed rather odd compared to my normal summer clothes. I needed something warm and comfy, so I chose loose sweatpants even though it’s nearly June. I had a soft sweater and the largest sunglasses I could find on, too. I wanted to crawl and hide somewhere dark and cold, locking myself in until this could all just blow over.

I was simply scared, shitless.

A small part of me hoped that Harry was waiting for me inside the car, but that hope was immediately squashed as I peered into the depths of the car. I was going to have to do this all on my own. True, I could’ve had Lindsey with me, to be there and hold my hand, but I wasn’t ready for anyone to know.

For the past few days, I endlessly thought of everything—the outcome and all the ugly scenarios my imagination could come up with. Although I knew I was without a doubt pregnant, I still hadn’t wrapped my mind around it completely. Everything seemed surreal for me. From Harry’s intensely crass treatment, to his brash indifference, to this journey to the abortion clinic—it all felt like a bad nightmare—and a major part of me wished I was going to wake up soon.

Fairytales were made for people with rose-tinted glasses, though. Indeed, I never considered myself to be one of those. Granted, I may have deluded myself into believing I could be that kind of person when I realized I was completely and irreversibly in love with Harry. That surely didn’t last long, however. I knew sooner or later, we would have to end. What I didn’t expect was how short of a time we had because I simply wasn’t ready to let him go. Even after how he treated me, I still loved that twit of a man.

I hadn’t realized that we had arrived until the driver killed the engine and got out of the car to open the door for me. The private clinic screamed exclusive and expensive from their heavily tinted windows, to the fast approaching, well-dressed, aged man striding towards me in a charcoal suit. This place must’ve cost Harry a good penny. I guess f*uking Harry was really going to play the scared little boy, running away with his balls between his legs.