Forgiving Nancy (Last Hangman MC, #5)(89)
“I should get going. I will be back next week sis. I love you.” I kiss my fingers and press them over her name, a single tear falling. I walk back to the car, taking the withered flowers with me and throw them in a bin by the gates.
I can’t face going home right now, so I drive to a small bar where I know they’ll serve me. I’ve been coming here for a couple of years now. They don’t care if you are underage as long as you can pay and don’t get them into trouble with the cops.
The Chart Room is a dive bar. I hang out here with a couple of friends, well more like a couple of guys I’m used to drinking with. They are all members of the local motorcycle club called ’The Last Hangman’. Cabe is the President, Anthony the Vice President and Gabe a member. They seem to be decent guys and make for a great distraction, especially lately.
I used to come to the bar once in a while, just wanting a change of scenery and forget how shit my life turned out. Then I started to come every time I visited Cas. Now? It’s nearly a daily occurrence; my grades have been taking a nosedive these past couple of weeks but honestly? I just couldn’t care less anymore.
Mixing drinking with studies and work is not the best idea, but it’s the only way I can cope on a daily basis. Well, that and heroin. I’m able to just take the right amount to make me feel numb enough to make me forget and not go overboard, but it’s getting harder not to take it all, and end this nightmare.
I park in the Chart Room’s parking lot, and take out a small bag from my jeans pocket. Placing a small amount on the back of my hand, I snort it. It’s my second hit of the day, I usually only take one but today I need to take off the edge.
I feel the effects pretty fast, the rush, the liberation. I feel myself instantly relax, and f*ck, does it feel good.
Cas would be disappointed in me, but I need this. I need it to get me through the day. I know it’s cowardly, but I don’t care. It’s the only thing keeping me alive at the moment, and ironically, it slowly destroys me a little bit more every time. I’m well aware of this, but cannot stop.
I collect my thoughts and get out of the car, remembering to lock it and walk towards the entrance of the bar, ready for a night of drinking.
The bar is pretty packed for a Tuesday. A lot of tables are occupied by large groups of younger people, probably celebrating the end of their College life. The rest of the crowd are regulars.
I spot Anthony at the bar with Gabe and join them.
“Hey man what’s up?” Anthony greets me with a man hug.
“Not much, you?” I tap his back and greet Gabe.
“I’m good, what’s up with the long face?”
“Rough day.” I shrug and order myself a whiskey that I down instantly and order a second.
“I can see that, usually you take your time with your drinks.” Anthony looks at me with what I think is a look of concern? I’m not sure.
“As I said, rough day.” I glare at him and take my time with my other glass.
“Ah, come on, it can’t be that bad.” Gabe probes.
“I really don’t want to talk about it.” I sigh and rub my face.
“You know you can talk to us, we’re your friends.” Anthony reassures me, well I had no idea we were, but thanks for letting me know.
“Look, I appreciate it, but I really don’t want to talk about it, I’d like to f*cking have a drink and not talk for f*ck’s sake.” I down the rest of my glass and order a third. They are getting on my f*cking nerves. Usually, I can handle them, but not tonight. I need f*cking peace and quiet. I should have just bought a bottle and drank it at home. At least, no one would have bothered me there.
“Easy, we just want to help you bro.”
“No one can help me,” I mutter more to myself, but I know he heard me.
“You don’t know that unless you talk about it.”
“Piss off! What part of I don’t want to talk about it and leave me alone do you not f*cking understand?” I roar.
“Calm down bro.” He stands up straight, facing me off. We are both pigheaded and have tempers, which isn’t helping the situation. He might be younger than me, but he’s already taller and broader, and let’s face it, I’ve never been in any kind of fight besides the ones with my parents and those usually ended with them throwing more money at me to shut me up.
“I’ll calm down when you leave me the f*ck alone and stop bugging me like a f*cking woman!” I near scream at him ready to swing.
“Alright, I just wanted to help but if you just want to wallow in your self-pity and be a f*cking Debbie Downer, be my guest.” He says casually, and I lose it. I down my third glass and take a swing at him, not missing, but not connecting as hard as I hoped for. The effects of the alcohol and the heroin combined are not helping my coordination.
Next thing I know, I feel a sharp pain in my jaw and lose balance, falling face first on the ground.
Everything is blurry and I can feel two strong arms lifting me up and dragging me out of the bar.
Maybe this is the answer to all my problems, let them hit and kick until my nightmare ends.
I let them drag me out and hold onto a nearby car, I turn myself to face them again.
“What the f*ck is your problem?” A familiar voice bellows, but I can’t make out who it is, my vision is too blurry.
“You don’t want to know.” I chuckle darkly and wait for my vision to focus and take another swing at Anthony and this time it connects. Almost instantly he punches back, busting open my lip.