Forgive and Forget(28)

“But you don’t know me,” Joe sighed.

“I know people. I know frustration. Before you tell me I don’t know because I can’t remember, I do know. I know it’s important somehow, in my life, to see people, really see them. When I think about the world out there, bad things come to mind. Betrayal, evil, horrible human beings who care more about money than the lives they destroy. This, here, with you, it’s… different.”

Tom could see Joe mulling that over and becoming more wary, but he had to make Joe understand. Carefully, he walked up to Joe and gingerly took his hand, his chest tightening when Joe let him. “I’m not saying any of this to scare you, but I promised Bea I would be honest with you, Joe, and I will. Always. Inside, I feel like I’m surrounded by darkness, but I’m not a bad person, Joe. I can’t be. Not when… not when I feel like I do about you. Not when your smile feels like a lighthouse beacon, guiding me back to safe shores. I’ve been trapped in the shadows for so long that your light is the most amazing thing I’ve felt since… I don’t know when. I need you. Something inside me is drawing me to you. Please don’t turn me away now. Not when I’ve found you through the darkness.”

Joe slowly pulled his hand away and closed his eyes, most likely trying to bring himself to his senses. Lord knew Tom was beginning to feel like he’d lost his. He sure as hell hoped his instincts weren’t wrong about Joe. Or himself.

“I’m sorry I’ve caused you trouble,” Tom said quietly. “When I think about it, it’s crazy. Maybe it’s all a bunch of bullshit.” Tom’s hands balled into fists at his sides. “Maybe I’m not the nice guy I tell myself I am.” He looked down at his knuckles and let out a humorless laugh. “Who am I trying to kid here? Look at me. Nice guys don’t live in the shadows. They don’t end up facedown in the dirt, lurking in the dark with detectives looking for them.”

If there hadn’t been utter silence in the room, Tom would never have heard Joe’s “no.” He waited, holding his breath the entire time. When he thought he was going to pass out, Joe finally spoke up.

“I’m sorry. I… I don’t regret what happened. I know it sounds pathetic, but this sort of thing has never been easy for me. I’m not very good at it. Relationships, I mean, not the, um, ‘finding a guy with amnesia’ thing. Don’t think I didn’t want to, because I did. I just… I’ve been hurt before, and by someone I knew a hell of a lot more about. It’s hard for me, and it’s even harder to trust someone who I don’t know can be trusted.”

Tom’s heart squeezed at the uncertain yet endearing expression on Joe’s face. The man had absolutely no idea how sweet he was. Joe had every right to tell Tom to get the hell out of his life. He had no reason to trust in anything Tom said or even listen to what Tom had to say. How could someone meet Joe and not fall for him?

Edging a little closer as if he were approaching a wounded animal, Tom tenderly reached out to Joe. No feelings of rejection coursed through him this time when Joe’s shoulder came up a little and he stood stock-still. Tom could only imagine how much that one move must have cost Joe, who no doubt felt like running for the hills. Tom wasn’t about to let Joe’s bravery go unrewarded.

Pulling him into his embrace, Tom placed a kiss to Joe’s temple, feeling Joe stiffen. He slowly rubbed his hand up and down Joe’s back, placing little kisses on top of his head, behind his ear, his neck. Whatever the reasons for Joe’s apprehensions, Tom was going to do his best to ease them. Joe needed to be cared for. Tom didn’t know how he knew that. There seemed to be a lot about Joe that felt oddly… right.

“You’re right,” Tom admitted. “We should take things as they come, get to know each other. I know I can’t tell you much, but we can still learn about each other. Maybe it’ll even help me remember. Will you give me a chance to prove myself? To show you that you can trust me?”

Joe paused before relaxing in Tom’s arms. He shifted from one foot to the other. “Okay.”

Tom wanted to kiss Joe within an inch of his life. Instead, he said, “Deal. All right, jitterbug.”

Joe met his gaze, one eyebrow arched. “What did you call me?”

Tom smiled ruefully. “Jitterbug. It seems to fit. You’re all jittery and cute.”

“Oh. I thought you were about to turn into George Michael and start singing.”

“Would you like that?” Tom teased.

As serious as could be, Joe shook his head, but amusement shone in his eyes. “Please don’t.”

Tom threw his head back and laughed. Incapable of holding back, he planted a quick, sloppy kiss on Joe’s lips and hugged him tight. “I wish you knew how goddamn adorable you are.”

“Right, well, I should probably check on Bea and the kids. Why don’t you, um, take the rest of the night off? Order us some takeout. We’ll watch some TV. What do you think?”

“Sounds great.” Tom headed to the couch and sat down, holding back a grin as Joe shuffled to the door, avoiding Tom’s gaze like the plague. The slight flush of his cheeks gave him away, which only made the grumpy ramblings coming out of him all the more sweet.

Tom put his shirt on and sat back, thinking about everything he’d told Joe. Nothing he said hadn’t been true, and a good deal of that worried him, mostly the part regarding the darkness. Whoever he was, he was all too familiar with a world so far removed from Joe’s that it terrified him. He needed to remember, not just for himself, but for Joe. Whatever he was a part of, he couldn’t bring that darkness down on Joe.