Forever After All(25)

Part of me still expects her to one day smile and tell me she missed me too. It’s getting harder for me to remember the sound of her voice, the sound of her laughter.

“There’s something that I’ve got to tell you,” I say carefully.

Throughout the years I’ve always spoken to her the way I would if she were awake, because part of me genuinely believes that she can hear me, that our conversations help.

“I… I got married,” I say. “I married Alexander Kennedy, remember him? He’s Sofia’s son. Do you remember your friend Sofia? I’ll bring her to see you soon. Alexander… he’s managed to move you to the Kennedy’s private facility, so you can have guests now. There’s no rule here about only immediate family coming to see you. I think it might be nice for you to see Sofia again, don’t you think?”

I smile at her, feeling anxious somehow. I don’t want her to find out I married Alexander because of her. She’d be heartbroken if she knew I did that for her. “I know it sounds a little sudden, but it wasn’t. He’s very good to me. It’d been a few years when Alexander and I ran into each other again, and he didn’t even recognize me, you know? But there were sparks, Mom. Things moved a bit quickly between us, I know… but I’m happy, Mom. He’s changed a lot since you last saw him, and I wonder what you’ll think of him.”

The door opens behind me, and I look up in surprise. “I thought I’d find you here,” Lucian says. I rise to my feet when he walks up to me, his eyes on my mother.

“Hi, Sarah,” he says, blowing my mother a kiss. I smile, my heart warming at the gesture. I love that he didn’t just ignore her.

“What are you doing here?”

His smile drops, and he sighs. “I need to talk to you,” he says.

I glance at my mother and nod, leading him out of her room, the door falling closed behind us.

“I know what my brother is like, Elena,” he says, “and I know what you’re like. He probably guilt-tripped you into marrying him, and you probably felt like you owe him and agreed.”

Lucian looks pained and hesitates before he continues. “You don’t owe us anything. Do you really think my mother wouldn’t help one of her oldest friends? No matter how many years have passed, or how much we might have grown apart, your mother and mine were childhood friends, just like we were. We’ll be there for you unconditionally.”

Though his words ring true, I can’t help but feel guilty nonetheless. Lucian runs a hand through his hair and sighs. “I know what you’re like. I know you’ll feel indebted to us, and you’ll want to repay us somehow. I’m sure my brother convinced you that marriage is the best way to do that, but I assure you, it’s not. Divorce is not an option in our family. You would literally be exchanging your life for money that we won’t even miss. It’s not a fair exchange.”

I smile at him, grateful for his thoughtfulness. “I know you’re worried about me, and I love you for it. But I know what I’m doing, Luce,” I say, his old nickname escaping my lips without a second thought. “Though the amount of money we’re talking about might not mean much to you, it’s literally the difference between life and death for my mother, and the difference between being homeless or not for me. All Alexander asked for in return is that I marry him.”

Lucian shakes his head ruefully. “You don’t understand, princess. My brother… he isn’t who he used to be. You won’t be happy being married to him. I know what your heart is like, and my brother will destroy it. If you think you need to marry into the family to repay us, then marry me instead.”

“Luce, like you said, divorce isn’t an option in your family. You and I could never be together. You know it would never work. Do you really want to trap both of us in such a marriage? We’d just end up resenting each other. Besides… it’s too late now. Alexander and I… we signed the papers.”

The look in Lucian’s eyes breaks my heart. He looks so torn, and I know he wishes things were different between us.

“Why? Why would you shackle yourself to him? I’d give you freedom, Elena. I’d support you one hundred percent with whatever you do. I’d take care of you and your mom, and I’d give you the freedom to love whoever you choose.”

I shake my head. “Do you hear what you’re saying, Luce? We’d just be unhappy together. If not that, we’d at most be somewhat content. It would destroy what’s left of our friendship. What do you think it’ll do to your mother? And what about children and intimacy? Can you even see yourself sleeping with me?”

Lucian looks away and we both fall silent. “I can’t believe you went through with the marriage without taking the time to think it through, princess. I know you don’t view it as a sustainable solution, but I’d have been more than happy to give you an interest-free loan.”

I sigh and shake my head. “Luce…” I say, my voice soft. “It’s done now. There’s no point in regretting this. I’ve made my choice, and I’ll live with it.”

Lucian’s words have me second guessing myself, though. Did I rush into it when I chose to marry Alexander? Should I have taken more time to consider what the ramifications of my choice would really be? Perhaps I should have just taken a loan from Lucian. I’m honest enough with myself to admit that part of me agreeing to marry Alexander stems from the torch I’ve always carried for him. But will my childish infatuation lead me to waste away my life in a loveless marriage?