Forbidden Love with the Marine(12)
Tears had sprung in her eyes as she’d moved to the edge of the bed before rising to face him, the top sheet wrapped around her nakedness. “Damn you, Ivan Lance. How dare you think my feelings are just a passing phase? I’m in love with you. Why must you think it’s going to go bad for us?”
“Because I’m older – and wiser than you,” he told her gently, fist on his narrow hips. “All I can see is disaster if we try to take this further. I can’t take this gamble and risk the possibility of it all blowing up in our faces. It’s not going to be worth the pain of losing your trust or that of your parents. Olivia, you’re so young and beautiful. You have your whole life ahead of you and you should be busy trying to explore the different options open to you in the world.”
“Oh sure, I did that,” she said with a bitter smile. “Or I tried to, and we know how that ended up. I almost got raped last night because I thought a roll in the sack with some stranger will get me over the way I felt for you.”
“You see, that’s what I’m talking about. You shouldn’t do crazy shit like that,” he growled furiously. “You need to grow up, Liv. You’re far from ready for anything serious and I certainly can’t offer you anything close to what you deserve. And another thing - last night I didn’t use any protection...”
“I’m on the pill,” she said with an impatiently dismissive wave of her hand. Right then, that was the least of her problems. Willing herself not to burst into hysterical tears, she’d asked quietly, “So what now?”
“I’ll drive you home and we’ll forget last night ever happened. We’ll put it all behind us and try to go back to the way things were. Damn! Knowing you were a virgin just made me sink even lower in my own opinion of myself. I’m so sorry for stealing something so special away from you.”
“Don’t you dare act like it wasn’t my decision,” Olivia bit out angrily. “I gave myself to you, Ivan. My choice. It was everything I wanted and more. Far, far better than I’d dreamed. And now you’re telling me it’s over?” her voice had choked on the last few words.
“I’m sorry,” was all he said, coming forward and hugging her tight. Olivia found herself clinging to him like a lifeline, praying that the last few minutes could be erased and instead, that Ivan would be begging her to take him into her life.
“I’d rather spend a lifetime being your trusted friend...than take the chance of a few months of bliss with you which could end in disaster for all involved,” Ivan said feelingly into her hair. “One day, you’ll look back on this and thank me for being sensible for both of us.”
“But what if you’re wrong?” she whispered with an ache in her voice as her cheek pressed into his chest. “What if we do get together and live happily ever after? Why isn’t that an option?”
He’d huffed gently. “Because I live in the real world, not fantasy. Being in the service has shown me too much of reality to take it for granted. Why throw away what we have on some misguided hypothesis of physical attraction?”
So in essence, Olivia realized...he was saying he’d rather be her friend than a lover? That hurt her so much more than she could even express. Why was he being so stiff-necked? “No one’s going to love you the way I do,” she whispered, eyes shutting tight as her teardrops spilled onto his t-shirt.
“That may me true. But that still doesn’t make me good enough for you,” he replied with a tired sigh. Planting a brotherly kiss on the top of her head, he’d pulled her away gently. “Come on, get dressed and I’ll take you home.”
That morning had been a Saturday and she hadn’t needed to go to work. A good thing, because Olivia wasn’t sure she’d have been able to function after all she’d been through. To be so happy, and then to feel like she was plummeting from a great height into the abyss...it felt like she could just die. When she saw she couldn’t reason with him, she’d taken to baiting him and then yelling.
She’d been so furious that he couldn’t see how wonderful they could be together. Whatever sense of “duty” or integrity he felt he was betraying for having sex with her, was all bullshit. He was a man and she was a woman. They had an incredible chemistry and he still wanted to shelve it all because he was afraid it could go belly-up and destroy their family relations?
But no matter what she said or did, she couldn’t change his mind. By the time he stopped in front of her house an hour later, she could hardly bear to look at him. “I hope you don’t regret this,” she said, so full of hurt and resentment she couldn’t even see straight.
“Believe me, I already do,” he said expressionlessly, his eyes looking straight ahead. “Take care, Olivia. See you around, little dove.”
She’d longed to say something really cutting but in the end, could only grimace as a sob rose to her throat. Clapping a hand over her mouth, she’d stumbled out of the Jeep and raced blindly into her house.
The next time she saw him, a few weeks later, she was glad she had her emotions under control. He’d come by her parents’ house the same time she did. It had been so tough putting up an act in front of her folks, all the while knowing what they’d shared though briefly. He was friendly and attentive to her but she could sense his tension. No one else did though, and during dinner the atmosphere was as warm and cordial as always. Whatever was roiling beneath the surface between her and Ivan, he went to great lengths to conceal it from her parents.