Flock (The Ravenhood #1)(90)
“Get dressed. Let’s finish smoking this up top.”
“Up top? Something wrong with your current view?” I glance down and back.
“Yeah,” his eyes slide down my body with clear intent. “I’m out of condoms.”
“Isn’t going topless zee French way?”
His returning look is laced with a hint of possession and has me smiling as I pull on my dress.
Blissed out, I rest in the crook of Dominic’s arm atop his hood as we gaze up at the night sky. I sink into the feel of him, his crisp, sea scent filling my nose. I’m fully lit inside and out with the buzz of the joint we smoked and the feel of his lips, his skin.
Smiling, I turn to him just as he glances down at me, his eyes filled with mirth.
“What?”
“Who the hell are you, and what have you done with my motherfucker?”
He grazes his hand over my nipple before tweaking it painfully. I screech and then burst into laughter.
“There you are.” I settle back in and we bask in the breeze. I swear if there’s a heaven, it’s here with him. “Dom?”
“Yeah?”
“What do you want, you know, for the future?”
He’s silent for long seconds, and I assume he won’t answer.
“It’s not a stupid question.”
Another beat of silence.
“Nothing.”
I sigh. “I guess it’s a good thing you won’t be disappointed.”
His chest bounces. “Am I supposed to ask you what you want now?”
“Not if you don’t care.”
“I’m not future centered. Plans don’t make the man.”
“I know. I know. Live in the now, take each day as it comes. I get it, but isn’t there something you want?”
“No, but it’s obvious there’s something you do.”
More. More of him. More of Sean. More of this endless summer. But I keep my hopes to myself. Because I’m sure this can’t go on forever. That fear is starting to eat at me more and more. And aside from their ambitions, I do have my own and know one day I’ll demand more for myself. One day, maybe, I’ll choose a life or a path that neither will be able to go on with me. The thought of losing either of them, of that sort of progression is crippling. I’ve never been this happy. Not ever. My only saving grace is I’m not leaving Triple Falls anytime soon.
“What?” He gently nudges me from where he rests.
“I don’t like putting a voice to my fears. Because then, I can only expect them to come true.”
“That’s bleak.”
“It’s better than not wanting anything in the future.”
“I already know what happens,” he whispers with surety.
“What do you mean? You can predict the future?”
“I can predict mine because I make shit happen.”
“What is it?”
“Whatever I decide.”
I lift from him, and he lets me. “Just for once, can you give me a straight answer?”
“What’s the question?”
I switch gears. “Do you ever get jealous?”
He keeps my eyes, his voice even. “No.”
“Why?”
“Because he can give you the things I can’t.”
“I’m not complaining, please don’t think that. But why can’t you?”
“Because I’m not like him. I’m a lot simpler.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“It’s true.”
I trace the line of his jaw. “You are anything but simple.”
“My needs are. I don’t want things like other people.”
“Why? Why train yourself for such simplicity when you are worth so much…” I dig in and let myself reveal what I’m feeling. “You are so much more than what you let people see, than what you give yourself credit for.”
“That’s the point.”
“Why won’t you let people know you?”
“You know me.”
I melt into that statement, the tone giving me life, his words giving me life. “And I’m lucky.”
“You are anything but,” he mutters dryly.
“Please just stop that…you don’t have low self-esteem. What’s with this glib shit?”
“There is so much you don’t know.”
“I want to, Dom. I want to know all sides of you.”
“You don’t, Cecelia, you think you do, but you don’t.”
“You think I won’t care for you like I do?”
“Things will change.”
“I don’t care,” I place my hands on his chest. “I want in. Please let me in.”
He remains quiet and I blow out a frustrated breath. Lately, I’m becoming more and more frustrated with the militant restraint they show, but it’s not changing. It’s the price I have to pay to be with them both, so I backpedal.
“Okay, okay.” I roll back and let my head rest on his windshield and silently berate myself for pushing so hard. “Sorry.” I lift and press a kiss to his jaw. “It’s hard being with you. It’s just hard sometimes.”