Fleeting Moments(46)

I hate that.

A knock sounds out at my door and I sigh, standing and walking over. It’s probably Heath. I’m not sure if I’m ready to face him, but I decide I probably won’t get much choice. I swing the door open and see Gerard standing there, his face red, his eyes glassy. Is he . . . crying?

“Did you ever love me?”

My heart sinks. “Gerard, what are you doing here?”

“Answer me!” he yells. “Did you ever love me?”

“Of course I did,” I cry. “God, of course I did. You were the best thing to ever happen to me.”

“Then what happened?”

“An attack that changed my life, and you didn’t stand beside me.”

“I tried,” he croaks, running a hand through his hair. “I tried.”

My heart aches for him. “I know you did, but you didn’t give me your belief when I needed it. You let me down.”

He shakes his head and looks up to the sky before turning his eyes back to me. “I didn’t know how to handle it. Everything between us had always been so easy, so free, so simple. I’ve never been able to handle too much emotion and when you started sinking, I saw you differently. I just . . . didn’t want to face it.”

That makes my heart ache, but I’m glad I found out now instead of ten years down the track that my husband was an emotional cripple.

“I deserved you to try,” I whisper.

“I know, Lucy, and I’m sorry. I put my job first. My feelings. My wants. I didn’t do right by you, and now you’re seeing someone else and I hate it. I f*cking hate it.”

I flinch.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Gerard.”

“Say you’ll take me back, we can give it another go, we can try. We can do something . . . anything . . .”

I hate that I have to turn him down, but I can never take him back. Not now. It would never be an honest love again. “That’s not going to happen; you know it can’t. There are going to be so many more hard times, and if you can’t deal with them . . .”

“I’ll get help, work harder . . .”

“Gerard,” I say softly. “I’m not in love with you anymore.”

“It’s barely been two months!” he yells. “That’s a lie.”

“It’s not.”

Because I’ve fallen in love with someone else.

“Lucy, please.” He steps forward, cupping my face. “Please.”

A tear rolls down my cheek, because it does hurt to see him like this. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper.

“No,” he croaks, pulling me closer and slamming his lips against mine.

I let him, for a few seconds. A little for him. A little for me. I know it’s time to let him go, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t causing pain. He was a huge part of my life, and I truly had no plans on giving him up. I guess it’s a goodbye kiss. A final one. So I let him, just for one second. I let him kiss me.

“Gerard,” I whisper, pulling back. “It’s time to let go.”

I glance past him and see Heath standing on my front path, staring up at me. My heart plummets into my stomach. I pull away from Gerard and step around him. “Wait!”

Heath’s already striding into the darkness.

“Heath!”

“What?” Gerard says, spinning around and staring at the man disappearing.

“Stop,” I cry rushing down the front steps.

By the time I reach the road, he’s gone into the shadows as if he were never there.

“Lucy, there’s nobody out here.”

Gerard didn’t see him.

“I have to go,” I yell, turning and rushing into the house and grabbing my keys. I don’t care that I’m in my pajamas—I just need to find him.

I get into my car without looking back at Gerard.

Dammit. I’m such an idiot.





CHAPTER 20


“Please let me in,” I say to Tank, who stands at the door, glaring at me. I can hear music playing behind him. They’re obviously having a party, but I know Heath is here because I saw his truck out front. I looked around town for him a while before coming out here, figuring he’d returned home. I was right.

“No.”

“Let me in,” I plead.

“No.”

I lose it. “Let me the f*ck in or I’ll smash something.”

He blinks, but then his face grows hard again. “Go home, girl.”

“Fine, have it your way.” I storm around to the closest window and pick up the biggest rock I can find.

“Jesus,” Tank growls. “You’re f*cking crazy.”

I raise it up. “I’ll throw it if you don’t let me see him.”

“He doesn’t want to see you.”

“I don’t care.”

Sighing, he steps aside. “Whatever. I couldn’t give a f*ck what you two do.”

I drop the rock and with a triumphant smile, storm past him and into the warehouse. There are a few people around, some playing pool, others sitting on the couch, a few standing about drinking. I don’t know who they are; I don’t care. I walk in and look around, spying Heath on the sofa with a pretty blonde sitting next to him, her head thrown back with laughter.