Fisher's Light(44)

“Thanks,” I tell my mother. “I delivered Sal’s this morning. Old man actually shed a few tears when I gave him the sign. I just have one more to finish up and deliver and then I’ll be done.”

My mother smiles at me and squeezes my hand.

“You’re looking good, Fisher. Healthy…happy. I like the beard,” she tells me with a smile.

I run my hand over my cheek and shrug. “I don’t know, I’ve been thinking about shaving it.”

She quickly shakes her head. “Oh no, don’t do that. I hear scruff is all the rage with the ladies. At least, that’s what it says in my Cosmo.”

We both laugh easily.

“Yeah, well I’m only looking to make it the rage with one lady in particular, and she seems to be into the clean-shaven, suit-wearing look nowadays,” I tell her, trying not to sound so depressed.

Even though I’ve been sequestered in the basement of my grandfather’s house for the last two weeks, I’ve still had to run into town every once in a while to grab supplies and I’ve seen Lucy a few times from a distance—always with Stankford, always looking beautiful and always laughing. It should be me making her laugh, me whose hand she holds as she walks through town. I hate that every time I see her she’s wearing fancy clothes with her hair and make-up all perfect. She was never more beautiful than when she was fresh-faced in just a pair of shorts and a t-shirt.

“Things aren’t always what they seem, Fisher, you should know that. Look how long I went without realizing how much you were suffering? It kills me that you were in so much pain all that time and I never even knew,” she tells me sadly.

“Mom, don’t. No one knew, not even Lucy. It wasn’t exactly something I wanted to share with people. It was a dark time and I fell apart. I hurt a lot of people and I’m glad you weren’t around to witness it,” I tell her.

Not only did I push Lucy away back then, I also pushed my mother away. I stopped coming out here to the house for dinner and I stopped accepting her invitations to meet in town. I was already dragging Lucy down with me, and I didn’t want my mother to be affected as well.

“Speaking of Lucy, you wouldn’t happen to know anything about monthly deposits into a special savings account in her name, would you?”

She looks away from me guiltily and starts fidgeting with the gold watchband on her wrist.

“M-o-o-o-m?” I drag out her name and tap my fingers against my leg, waiting for her to admit what she did.

She sighs, folding her hands together in her lap and finally looking back up at me. “Fine. Yes, it was me. I was just worried about her after you left. I overheard your father talking to someone on the phone about how she could barely pay the bills and then Trip mentioned something about a bunch of repairs that wiped out her savings account and I felt bad, so I set up an account one day when your father was out of town on business. I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t have done it, but I didn’t know what else to do. I knew she’d never come to us for help, why would she? Your father has never accepted her and I’ve been just as bad by letting him treat her the way he does. I wanted to do something for all the hurt this family has caused her over the years.”

It’s hard for me to be mad at her, even though her actions royally screwed things up between Lucy and me. She was just trying to help the only way she knew how. She had no way of knowing how much it would hurt Lucy’s pride to have that money given to her, making her feel like she couldn’t make it on her own and that she needed help.

“It’s okay, Mom. It was a really nice thing for you to do, but could you do me a favor and put an end to the monthly deposits? I’m in a little hot water right now because of them and it’s not exactly helping my case with Lucy,” I explain, lightening the request with a smile so I don’t hurt her feelings.

“Done. I’ll take care of it tomorrow,” she agrees with a nod.

We sit in silence for a few moments, enjoying the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks outside that we can hear through the open window.

“I’m so happy you’re doing better, Fisher. You really do look well. I’m sure it will only be a matter of time before Lucy notices that, as well,” she tells me softly with a smile.

I shake my head and lean back against the couch, glancing out the window over her shoulder to stare at the ocean. “I don’t know, Mom. I just don’t know what to do. I made so many mistakes with her and I hurt her so much. I just want her to see that I’m different now, that I’ll never go down that path again, but every time I try to talk to her, all I seem to do is piss her off. I want a future with her. I want to love her forever and I want to take care of her. I just don’t even know where to begin making things right…”