Fisher's Light(19)

My feet stay rooted to the stained, dirty hardwood floor as I stand here, staring at the man I fell in love with at sixteen and who has held my heart in the palm of his hand ever since then. That heart is beating nervously in my chest and I’m surprised that it still functions. Maybe he didn’t squeeze the life out of it earlier today. Maybe we can still make it. He’ll look at me and he’ll see me. The haze of alcohol and the demons trying to take over his mind will fade away and he’ll remember. I just want him to remember everything good and amazing about the two of us. He’ll remember and he’ll feel horrible about the things he said to me, the lies he told me to push me away for good. Having had time to think it through, I realize it was all lies. I have to believe that or I won’t be able to take another breath, move another inch or go on with this life without him.

He’ll feel bad and he’ll apologize and he’ll finally realize he needs to get help. I don’t want him to believe that I think he’s damaged. I told him things were just broken and I truly believe that. Pieces fall apart, but they don’t disintegrate. You can pick up those pieces and you can put them back together until everything is whole again. There might be a few cracks, but nothing is ever perfect. Anything that’s worth living for, worth dying for, has a few cracks. I believe our cracks can hold and we can keep it all together. I can give him another chance to breathe some life back into the part of my body that feels like it only exists with him, only beats for him and only lives for him. I can do this. He’s taught me how to be strong and how to be a fighter and I will fight for him until the day I die.

Bobby steps away from Fisher and his eyes catch mine across the room. He walks away from Fisher and makes his way up to Ellie and I.

“Thanks for coming, babe. I don’t know what the f*ck to do. He won’t listen to me, he won’t stop arguing with people and he’s pretty much decided to drink himself into a coma,” Bobby explains with a sigh.

“You should have just let him do it. Let him pass out in a pile of his own vomit and regret,” Ellie states angrily.

“Pipe down, hardass,” Bobby tells her. “He’s my best friend and he’s hurting. I know Lucy will be able to get through to him.”

Ellie scoffs and shakes her head at him. “He kicked her out of the house this afternoon and told her he’s been f*cking around on her all this time. No one is going to be able to get through to that * right now.”

Bobby’s eyes go as wide as dinner plates and he runs a hand through his short, curly hair. “Jesus Christ, Lucy. Fuck. I’m so sorry. You know it’s all bullshit, right? He’s going through some shit right now. He would never, ever do that to you. He loves you more than anything.”

I nod, hoping to God he’s right. “I know. It’s just…this is really hard, Bobby. It’s hard to see him like this when I don’t know how to help him. I brought up therapy this morning and he completely lost it. I don’t think he’s going to want to see me right now.”

Bobby shakes his head in denial, resting both of his hands on my shoulders and squatting down to look me straight in the eye. “You’re his entire world, Lucy, no matter what kind of shit he spouted earlier. Don’t believe any of it, you hear me?”

I nod at him again and he drops his hands from my shoulders.

“Oh, shit,” Ellie mutters from beside me.

She quickly moves in front of me, pressing her arm against Bobby’s before reaching up and cupping my cheeks in her hands. “I think we should go. Just turn around and leave and let him sleep it off. You don’t want to try and talk to him now when he’s had a shit ton more alcohol than earlier today. Let’s just go, Lucy.”

I know she wasn’t happy about my decision to come up here, but does she really think I walked all the way into town to tuck my tail between my legs and leave before I’ve even tried?

Bobby and I both look at her in confusion. Bobby looks behind him, over his shoulder, and then quickly back to me, moving closer to Ellie.

“You know what, I think that might be the best idea. It was stupid for me to call you. I’ll take him back to my place and we can figure out something tomorrow when he’s sober.”

Ellie drops her hands from my face and Bobby grabs my shoulders again, but this time he turns my body around and starts pushing me towards the door. I pull away from him and put my hands on my hips as I glare at both of them.

“What the hell is wrong with the two of you? I’m not leaving until I talk to him.”