Fire Inside (Chaos, #2)(84)

Last, I was going to tell her that Hop and I were together, I was in love with him, and I hoped we’d be together for, well… ever.

And I was terrified.

“She loves you,” Hop told my reflection, pressing his front deeper into my back. “She doesn’t blame you. But she worries about you. This will make her feel better and, however that monster is twisting it inside you, lady, I swear to f*ck, it’ll make you feel better too.”

I hoped he was right.

Hop watched the anxiety move through my features and his arms got tighter.

“Baby, seriously, it’s been f*ckin’ years. You think she’d drink with you, let you spend time with her boys, make you a part of her family, if she held a grudge?”

“This feeling isn’t logical, Hop.”

“This feeling, honey, isn’t about Tyra.”

I blinked.

“What?”

He held my eyes in the mirror then he kissed my shoulder again before looking back at me. “You get this step done, we’ll get into the rest of it later.”

My hands moved quickly to his arms when he made a move to let me go, so he stopped.

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

“Proud of you,” he replied and that was nice but it didn’t answer my question so I opened my mouth to speak but he kept going before I could start. “This is a big step. I see it’s takin’ a lot out of you. But you know in your gut she doesn’t blame you. You blame yourself. That’s somethin’ else to get over. But, baby, this is about that and it’s more. No one, man or woman, lies bleedin’ on a floor with someone they love lyin’ dead feet away and comes away from that unmarked. Your issues don’t end here, lady. My guess, you’re focusin’ on this so you won’t focus on that. So we’ll focus on this, get past it, then I’ll help you focus on that. But bottom line, step by step, we’ll beat this shit.”

“I’m not sure that makes me feel better, Hop,” I confessed.

“And you aren’t gonna feel better for a while, Lanie,” he told me flat out. “You go into battle, it f*cks you up. Then you come out a winner, you’re just that, a winner.”

“Okay, that’s nice and all but, I have to admit, now I really don’t feel better. I’m not big on being f*cked up,” I told him and he grinned.

Then he asked, “Where am I?”

I didn’t understand the question so I asked back, “What?”

“Where am I?” he repeated and when I still looked confused, he went on, “Right now, Lanie, where am I standing?”

It sifted through me what he meant and left warmth in its wake.

“At my back,” I answered softly.

“At your back, baby, now and always,” he replied, kissed my shoulder again, gave me a squeeze and another sexy grin. Then he let me go and walked away.

I looked at myself in the mirror.

And I felt better.

*

I wasn’t feeling better as I walked up the concrete stairs that led to Tyra’s office at Ride.

That feeling had worn off now that the time had come.

Tyra was the office manager at Ride and had been since before she and Tack got married. They’d met because she got hired there. That was, the weekend before she started work, she’d gone to what she thought was a company party but was really a Chaos hog roast blowout. Tack plied her with tequila and shrouded her with his hot guy, badass aura and she’d fallen in his bed and in love with him in one night.

Unfortunately, at the time, Tack just thought she was a piece of ass and made that clear to Ty-Ty. He also didn’t know she was his new office manager. When he found out, he tried to fire her, but she lost her mind. He woke up when she served up the Ty-Ty attitude and, from that point on, went balls to the wall to win her.

He succeeded.

The rest was history.

I was thinking this instead of re-rehearsing (for the seven thousandth time) what I was going to say when I opened the door and moved into Tyra’s office.

I got two big smiles.

Elvira was there.

This was good. Elvira might be crazy but she was also honest and loyal. Further, the woman was pathologically social but it wasn’t about not being alone or collecting all the friends she could get. It was just that she had a lot of goodness to give and she gave it without hesitation. I’d seen her make BFFs in a bar with a woman on the stool beside her that she’d never met and she broke the land speed record doing this. She was so infectious with her personality and so obviously someone you’d want to know.

Hop—right then I knew since he promised he would be—was in the Compound waiting for me to come to him after this was over. He figuratively had my back from afar.

Elvira being there meant she’d have it from up close.

“Hey,” I called as I closed the door behind me.

“Hey honey,” Ty-Ty called back.

“Get this,” Elvira announced in greeting. “After the big to-do with Tabby, now we’ve learned Hop’s got some bitch he’s nailin’ on the sly and the boys won’t say who she is.”

I stopped dead and blinked.

Oh God!

“What I want to know is, why it’s a secret,” Tyra said to Elvira. “I mean, I understand why Tab and Shy kept their secret, but why Hop? He isn’t a secretive guy.” She grinned. “I’m guessing she’s a librarian.”