Finding Perfect (Hopeless, #2.6)(13)
She’s too scared to read the email. I probably should have explained it all earlier so this moment wouldn’t be this chaotic, but I didn’t know he’d talk to her today and that she’d actually reach out and holy shit, I can’t believe this is happening.
“I called that lady you mentioned. Ava. Hannah said I was annoying and that I needed to be persistent and so I was and I literally begged her, Six. I didn’t know if it would work, but then he called today and said he was going to leave the decision up to his wife. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I didn’t want to get your hopes up because I didn’t know if she would ever reach out. But she did.”
Six’s whole body is shaking from the sobs. She’s crying so hard now. Way too hard to read an email. I pull her to me. “It’s okay, babe. It’s okay. This is good.”
“How do you know?” she says through her tears. “What if she’s emailing to tell us to leave them alone?”
She’s terrified, but she doesn’t need to be. I don’t know how I know, because I haven’t read the email yet, but something about her reaching out tells me it’s good. Quinn’s husband seemed to really hear me out today and I just don’t believe they would email us back if it wasn’t good.
“You want me to read it out loud?”
Six nods, tucking herself against me. I wrap my arm around her as she presses her face against my chest like she doesn’t want to see the email. I pick up my phone and continue reading the letter out loud. I start from the very beginning again.
Dear Six and Daniel,
Graham told me about your conversation.
It’s odd, because I’ve written countless letters to the biological mother of my child before. Letters I knew I would never send. But now that I know you’ll actually read this, I don’t even know how to start.
First, I want to take this opportunity to introduce myself. My name is Quinn Wells and my husband’s name is Graham. We were both born and raised in Connecticut. Circumstances led us to Italy for a time, however, where we were fortunate enough to be given the gift of adopting your beautiful baby boy.
I have to put my phone down and take a breath. Six lifts her face from my chest and looks up at me, alarmed by my pause. I smile at her and wipe a tear away. “She said he’s beautiful.”
Six smiles.
“I don’t think I can read this out loud,” I say. “Let’s read it together.”
Both of us are complete wrecks now, so I reach over and grab some tissue from her bedside and hand some to her. She sits up straighter and I hold up the phone. We lean our heads together and continue reading the email.
Our struggle with infertility has been a long one. It was very difficult for us to conceive, and when we finally did, it resulted in an unviable pregnancy and a hysterectomy. I don’t want to inundate you with all the painful details, but please know that because of the struggles Graham and I have been through, our marriage has turned out stronger and full of more love than I could ever imagine.
And now, thanks to you, it is nothing short of perfect.
Being the young expectant mother you were, I can’t possibly imagine how difficult it must have been for you to make the decision to put your child up for adoption. Because I am unable to comprehend the pain you must have faced, I sometimes wonder if you are unable to comprehend our absolute elation and gratefulness to you.
My sister was the one who told us about you. You know her. Ava. She grew to love and respect you not only as one of her favorite students, but as a person.
Forgive me if I have any of the details wrong, as not a lot of information was disclosed about your situation. We were told that you were an American student in Italy on a foreign exchange. Ava informed us that you were looking for a family to adopt your child. We didn’t want to get our hopes up because Graham and I have been let down many times in the past, but we wanted this more than anything.
The night Ava came to discuss the opportunity with us, I immediately told her to stop speaking. I didn’t want to hear it. I was scared to death that it would be a situation that might not work out in the end. The thought of it not working out after getting my hopes up was more terrifying to me than never entertaining the idea of it.
After Ava left that night, Graham spoke to me about my fears. I will never forget the words he said to me that made me change my mind and open up my heart to the possibility. He said, “If you weren’t completely terrified right now, I would be convinced that we aren’t the right parents for this child, because becoming a parent should be the most terrifying thing to ever happen to a person.”
As soon as he said that, I knew that he was absolutely right. Becoming a mother isn’t about securing your own happiness. It’s about taking the chance of being terrified and even devastated for the sake of a child.
That also applies to you, as his biological mother. I know it was a hard decision for you. But for whatever reason, you accepted a future of unknown fear in return for your child’s happiness. I will never be able to thank you enough for that.
I’m still not sure why you chose us. Maybe it’s because Ava was able to vouch for us or maybe it’s because they told you our story. Or maybe it was chance. Whatever your reasons, I can assure you there are no two people in this world who could love your little boy more than Graham and I do.