Finding Isadora(39)

“What if the illness was fatal at a young age?” I said. “What if the child was in horrible pain?”

“That’s every parent’s nightmare,” Grace said softly. “I do see your point, hon, but parenthood is scary. If you worry about everything that might happen, you’ll paralyze yourself.”

“But if you can prevent something bad from happening, then wouldn’t you?”

“I suppose. But Isadora, where’s this coming from? Are you worrying about you and Richard having kids? You’re both healthy young people with healthy parents. Don’t overcomplicate things.”

I hadn’t been, not until Richard had started me worrying. As for him… Was this concern about hereditary problems a smokescreen to prevent himself from admitting that what he really wanted to know was whether Gabriel DeLuca was his father?

“You’re right,” I said. “Grace, I’m so glad you’re my mother. And that Jimmy Lee’s my father. You two are the best.”

“Well! Thanks, Isadora. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard you say that before.”

“I know I often focus on the ways we’re different, the issues we disagree on. But you’re the ones who taught me that it’s good for people to have different opinions as long as we aren’t hurting anyone. Even more important, you’ve always supported me and loved me.”

“And always will.” She paused. “So, you’re okay now?”

“I’m good. Night, Grace. Kiss Jimmy Lee for me.”

I hung up feeling darned lucky. And sorry for Richard.

Grace hadn’t resolved all the issues Richard had raised in my mind, but she’d given me the key. Love. If you loved someone, you could face anything together.

Now that I was off the phone, Pogo resumed bouncing around my feet. “Sorry, baby. You want to go out.”

On the way to the door I stroked Owl’s colorful head and said, “I’ll feed you and the cats the moment I get back,” to which he replied, “So you say, cutie.”

I gathered Pogo’s leash and a couple of poop-scoop bags. Typically, we walked about a mile before bed, and again in the morning. The streets of the West End held no fear for me since there were so many people out and about at every hour of the day or night. The neighborhood was a spicy, bubbly stew of old and young, gay and straight, Caucasian and every other race under the sun, and I found the mix savory and delicious. I wasn’t blind to risk and always stayed alert, but rarely did I feel even the tiniest hint of a threat.

Pogo hopped along happily, as nimble and self-confident as any four-legged dog, and I indulged him as he investigated the smells that had accumulated since Mr. Schultz had taken him out earlier.

Reflecting on my chats with Richard and Grace, I thought that Pogo was imperfect, with his missing leg. But if anything I loved him more, not less, because of it.

* * *

This week, my days off were Saturday and Sunday. I’d expected Richard to stay over on Friday night, so felt at loose ends when I woke alone. I called to see how he was, and ask if he was interested in meeting for a meal.

“I’m okay, thanks, Iz. But there’s a big file I’m working on so I’m afraid I’d best keep at it.”

“Are you going to talk to Gabriel?”

“I think so. Maybe tomorrow. I’ll give myself another night to sleep on it.”

“Sleep here, Richard. It doesn’t matter if you come in late. Remember what you said about living together?”

“I’m so messed up about this, I feel like being alone.”

And when we were married, would he still want to be alone when he had a problem? Now—when he was still stricken by Diane’s news—was not the time for this discussion, so I tried to shove away my worries and hurt feelings. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”

“You’re the best. Love you.”

After hanging up, I took Pogo for a brisk walk, popped into the gym for a workout, then showered and dressed in shorts and a sleeveless top. I made a couple of batches of chocolate walnut squares, one for me and one for Mr. Schultz. He loved home baking and I took him some kind of sweet treat each week.

It wasn’t even noon and I’d run out of things to do. Normally I’d have gone to the library and browsed magazines, done some balcony gardening, or called Janice or another friend, but I wasn’t in the mood for any of those things. I was worried about the arson charge, Richard, the future of our relationship. My values and priorities; whether I was being a good enough citizen. And then there was Gabriel.

Was it childish to run home when I was feeling unsettled?

I dialed my parents’ number. Jimmy Lee answered. “Hey, Izzie, heard you and Grace had a pretty serious talk last night. How’s my girl today?”

The answer to that question would take a very long time. Besides, I didn’t really want to discuss my worries, I just wanted to mellow out in my parents’ company. “I’m okay, Jimmy Lee. Wondering how things are going on your case, and with that little girl. If you’re not doing anything, how about I come over?”

“Great. The more the merrier. See you soon.”

The more the merrier? Oh, of course, Alyssa would be there. I’d have preferred to have my parents to myself, but I was curious to meet the girl they’d taken in.