Finding Eden (A Sign of Love Novel)(96)

"I've been up in my room thinking so much about Eden's father, Bennett, today. I . . . I've been thinking about the ways I wish I had been more for him when he needed me." She shook her head. "Molly was right to make me realize that, even though I see I buried my head in the sand then, I wasn't seeing that I'm doing it now, too." She paused, but I didn't speak. I could see she needed to organize her thoughts.
"I have her back, and yet I'm so filled with grief over the moments I missed. I wanted so badly to experience the ways I lost out on mothering her, and that included being there to guide and experience her falling in love with someone." She shook her head. "That's what I owe you the biggest apology for. I could see that day at the garden party how much you loved and adored her . . . how deeply your hearts are entwined, and yet," she took a big, shaky breath, "I tried to push her toward another man."
She looked down, an expression of shame on her face. "I'm jealous of how deeply you love each other, how deeply you know each other. I'm jealous you got all those years and I didn't. Even though I know it's irrational, and I see now how it's affected my behavior and made me act so selfishly." She met my eyes, tears shining in hers. "Please yell at me. Tell me how awful I've been."
I took a deep breath. "I don't want to yell at you. I understand." I pictured myself standing on a chair in the bowling alley, panicked because Eden stepped out of my line of sight for a few minutes. It had to be the same way for her mom, too. "There's no handbook for Eden's and my situation and there's no handbook for yours, either." I paused. "What I hope you know is that what Molly said about Eden having a quiet strength . . . nothing is more true. I love that so much about her. And that strength came from you. Eden was able to hold on to that quality because she never let go of her belief in love. You gave that to her. She drew on all the love you gave her in the first years of her life and she never let go. It kept her alive. All those years, you were with her, because your love was still in her heart."
Tears were coursing down Carolyn's cheeks and she was nodding her head. "Thank you," she said. "And I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I never considered that you need a mother, too. I'm here for you." She reached her hand across the table and I took it, smiling, relief filling my chest.
"I'm going to try to stop treating her like a little girl and see her for who she is," she said. "I'm going to try my very best. I'm going to focus on what I have, not what I don't have."
I smiled again. "I know Eden will be thankful for that." I paused. "Just so you know though, there's no reason to stop making those fluffernutter sandwiches." They were damn good.
Carolyn laughed and wiped her tears and that's when Eden walked into the room. She stopped and took us both in and a huge smile took over her face, making her look radiant with happiness, as she rushed forward and draped one arm over my shoulders and reached one over Carolyn's. She leaned in and kissed my cheek and then leaned over and kissed Carolyn's. We laughed and something inside me clicked into place. It was as if the mix of colors on the canvas was finally perfect for the picture I wanted so desperately to create.

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Later, up in Eden's room, we opened her laptop and began figuring out where we were going.
We looked through a couple Indiana tourist sites and each one recommended the same resort again and again – French Lick Springs Hotel. We couldn't resist choosing the one place we found that had the word “springs” in it. It seemed too perfect a choice as a getaway for us. We had gone to another spring to get away once upon a time, too. It felt right. Plus, it was only a three-hour drive. We wouldn't have to risk too much by being on the road for very long. Neither one of us had a license, although Molly had agreed to loan us her car.