Finding Eden (A Sign of Love Novel)(49)

"Want me to wait, or—"
"No, come with me," she said, but neither of us moved. We stood there gripping each other tightly for several minutes before she pulled me by my hand through the large kitchen.
We climbed the stairs and Eden led me down the wide hall to her bedroom. She closed the door behind us and immediately started unzipping the side zipper on her dress. She let it pool around her feet, murmuring a "thank God," as the gargantuan flower fell away from her chin. I chuckled softly and then moved my eyes slowly up her body. I hadn't taken the proper time to drink her in the night before. She was still slim, but she looked more womanly now somehow, her hips just slightly more round, her waist even smaller, and her small breasts round and firm in the white strapless bra she wore. My body surged to life, pressing uncomfortably against my new dress pants, the ones I'd bought just an hour ago so I could show up looking appropriate for her mom's party.
I'd spent the day just as I told her, reliving the beauty we'd experienced together. I hadn't had it in me to go there in my mind over the past three years and I had needed it. I had needed to spend time with the us we had been in order to feel ready to move forward into our future. I'd gone to Madison and told her. It hadn't been easy, but I owed it to her to be honest immediately. I had never envisioned a future with her. I’d never been able to. I should have given her all or nothing at all. And it had never been in me to give her my all. I'd have to live with the regret I felt for hurting her.
Eden rolled her tights down her legs and tossed them aside and then glanced over at me and paused, color moving into her cheeks. "Is it strange that I feel self-conscious in front of you?" she asked, sadness sweeping through her expression.
I walked over to her, taking her hands in mine and shaking my head. "We have a lot of reacquainting to do, Morning Glory. There's no handbook for this. I doubt if there's even a self-help book that could touch what we've gone through. We're on our own here."
Eden shook her head and looked down for a second before she met my eyes again. "Are we going to be okay, Calder? Do we even have a chance?"
I thought about that for a second. I had promised her so much before, promised her that I'd protect her, that we'd be okay . . . and I'd failed. I breathed deeply to force the guilt out of my lungs, the anger and loss, and self-hatred. Yes, that most of all. "We're going to try our damndest, Eden. That's all I can give you. That's all I can promise."
She licked her lips and looked to be considering my words. Finally she nodded. "That's enough," she said, meeting my eyes, her own gentle and willing. The trust shining from her face shocked me and almost took my breath away. After everything . . . she could still look at me like that? How? Why? I opened my mouth to ask her, but she leaned forward and kissed me. Her lips were soft and sweet just as they always were in my dreams. And though she'd been stolen from her family, isolated from friendships as a child, left to largely fend for herself in a strange city still recovering the harsh, brutal death of me and our baby . . . Despite all she'd suffered in her life, despite my failure to be there for her when she'd needed me, she still offered herself selflessly and without hesitation. I took it like the gift it was, opening my mouth and sliding my tongue against hers. We kissed deeply, Eden tilting her head and moaning sweetly into my mouth. I felt desperate to feel her skin against mine. But we were here in her mother's house with a party still going on downstairs. I wanted to get her back to my place where I could take my time with her. We deserved that. If we deserved anything, we deserved that.
I broke the kiss and pulled away regretfully. I looked into her eyes and saw the same desire reflected back at me. My beautiful girl. I wanted her badly, but we needed time together in this new world. It felt necessary to experience a new normal together.