Finding Eden (A Sign of Love Novel)(41)

I had put my phone on my bedside table, expecting Calder would have at least texted me when he woke up. He hadn't. I didn't know what to think about that.
We'd had sex. I paused in the process of lathering my hair and bit my lip as the water rained down over me. He'd cheated on his girlfriend with me. Something about that thought made me scream inside. How on the gods' green earth could he and I ever be classified as cheating? But, technically . . .  I groaned and resumed lathering my hair. It hadn't even felt like sex exactly. Or at least, it hadn't felt like the point of it was sexual satisfaction. It'd felt like a desperate clawing need to be joined in any and every way possible. Anguish gripped me when I considered the fact that that might be the last time we ever touched intimately.
I dried myself off and stood in front of the mirror in my underwear and bra, turning on the hair dryer and beginning to dry my long hair. I met my own eyes in the mirror. "He's alive," I said quietly to myself. "And that might have to be enough." I stifled a sob.
He had moved on with his life. And if he was happy, could I really ask him to throw it all away for me? We had loved each other once, desperately. I didn't doubt that. And for me, he'd always, always be the love of my life. But we were different people now. Fate had ended us. Could we pick right back up where we left off? Was it even possible? Grief hit me so intensely that I lost my breath for a minute and I set the hairdryer down and leaned against the sink, just drawing in one breath after the next.
Once I'd collected my emotions, I pulled my hair up into what I thought was a sleek ponytail and straightened my bangs. That humongous flower on the dress my mom had bought wasn't going to allow me to wear my hair down, at least not if I didn't want my hair to get eaten alive by it.
I heard a knock and called, "Come in."
Molly opened the door, beautiful in a deep blue, strapless dress, her hair curled and hanging loose. I jealously took in her simple, elegant beauty. I wasn't going to look quite as elegant in the little girl dress my mom had chosen. But I could hardly muster up any anger over it when my heart was so filled with confusion.
Molly hugged me, holding me away from her for a minute. "Are you okay?" she asked, taking me in worriedly.
I breathed out, but then my face crumpled and I shook my head, no.
"Oh Eden," Molly said, hugging me again. "I can't even imagine what you're going through. It's unbelievable." She pulled away, holding my arms. "But he's alive," she whispered, her eyes growing large in her face. "You were just telling me about him, and now you've found out he's alive."
I nodded, sniffling. "I know, I know," I said. "And that's what I have to focus on. The rest . . ."
Molly stepped away. "Yeah . . . the rest." She bit her lip. "That's going to be the hard part."
I nodded, taking in a big breath and letting it out.
"Do you think you'll be okay going to this party today?" She frowned. "I told Carolyn she should cancel it, but she thinks it will do you good." She shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Carolyn has a tendency to see things the way she wants to see them sometimes. She means well . . . mostly. I filled her in on what I knew about Calder."
"Thank you." I leaned back on my desk and crossed my arms over my chest. "And maybe the distraction of the party will do me good. The other option is to stay in bed all day. My emotions are such a jumbled mess. I don't even know what I'm thinking from one minute to the next."
Molly sighed. "Yeah." She furrowed her brow. "Do you think you'll talk to him today? What did you decide last night?"
Molly had picked me up from Calder's apartment, but I had been too weary to even speak. I'd gone straight up to my room and fallen into my bed. I had needed the escape of sleep.