Finding Eden (A Sign of Love Novel)(11)

Marissa looked at me with concern. "Eden…" She brought her lips together, blinking tears from her eyes. "Three years ago when you first came here, you asked me if Felix would let you go out if you wanted to."
I took a deep breath and studied my fingernails. When I met her eyes, I said, "Yes. I remember."
She nodded. "Felix would have never prevented you from doing anything you wanted to do. But it seems . . . well, it seems that you've held yourself captive here since then, rarely ever going out, holing yourself up in your room much of the time." Her kind eyes were filled with sympathy. "I just hope you'll see this change not only tinged with sadness, but as an opportunity to start living, truly living. I have so much faith in you. Felix had so much faith in you."
My heart squeezed tightly. I wondered if I was ready for that. I wondered if I'd ever be ready for that. I nodded at Marissa, and smiled at her. "I'll try," I said.
She nodded back at me, offering a small, sad smile.
I tilted my head. "Will you tell me about him?" I asked. I had always wanted to know what made Felix's eyes fill with that far-off sadness he allowed through when he thought no one noticed. I wondered what had happened between him and his children.
Marissa studied me for a minute. "You remind me of her in some ways. Only you have a strength she never did."
"Her?" I asked, meeting her eyes.
Marissa looked out the window, her eyes going misty. "Lillian, Felix's wife."
I tilted my head. I'd seen her picture in the house, but no one had ever talked about her.
She was quiet for several moments and I thought she might not answer. But then, "Felix's parents were immigrants. They ingrained in him a very strong work ethic. Work came first. Supporting your family came first." She paused for a second, obviously remembering. "When he married Lillian, I immediately noticed she was a delicate girl, sweet, but always in need of reassurance. She lit up under Felix's attention. And she dimmed when he wasn't around. And he often . . . wasn't around." She pursed her lips and paused.
"Lillian made it known to Felix she felt ignored, I suppose. I heard their fights, her tears. But, for Felix at the time, work came first. His business was growing, a big success and that's what he nourished. That's what he fed. Lillian withered. So many times, I stood with her as she looked out the window when he'd promised to be home for dinner . . . her birthday, their anniversary. Their children grew, began having their own lives as well and Lillian, her loneliness grew as well. And then the diagnosis came. She had cancer. By the time they found it, she didn't have much time left. Seemingly, she was here one minute and gone the next." She shook her head, tears springing to her eyes.
"Oh no," I whispered. "I didn't know."
"He never talked about it." She turned to me. "The thing is, after that, he changed. Work wasn't his focus as much anymore. He devoted time to his family." She shrugged. "Of course, some things happen too late. His children harbored resentment. They weren't willing to forgive. Felix . . . he never quite forgave himself either." She grasped my hands in hers. "When you came along, he saw it as a second chance to nourish a wounded heart." She shook her head. "Of course, he never said that, but I . . . I saw it. You saved him, too, Eden."
I wiped at a tear that was making its way slowly down my cheek. "He was a good man," I said softly.
Marissa nodded. "Yes." She stared off into space and then breathed out on a small smile. "Isn't it funny how we're all just bouncing around in this crazy world, our own stories, our own hurts, all weaving together, changing outcomes, sometimes good, sometimes bad? Well," she patted my knee, "I'd like to think your story and Felix's story came together for a reason and you each healed a little because of the other."