Finding Carly (SEAL Team Hawaii #5)(10)

“It smells good in here,” she said after a moment.

She was obviously done with this particular conversation, so he let her change the subject. “What do you like in your eggs?”

“Um…what do you have?”

“Everything.” Jag let his hands drop from her shoulders and he took a step back. What he really wanted to do was pull her into his embrace and tell her that everything was going to be all right, but he didn’t want to make her even more uncomfortable.

Carly chuckled. “Everything?”

“Yup. Bacon, green or red peppers, cheese, salt and pepper, salsa, chorizo sausage, mushrooms, onions, tomatoes, spinach, ham, sour cream, hot sauce. I think the sour cream and cheese are still good, and frozen veggies will have to do until I can get to the store.”

“Holy crap, people put all that on their eggs?”

“Well, probably not all of it at the same time.” Jag grinned. “And usually those things go into an omelet. But I can never get omelets to work right, so I usually just mix everything together with my scrambled eggs. I figure it’s the same thing, even if it doesn’t look as pretty. So…what’s your preference?”

“Can I have green pepper, cheese, tomatoes, mushrooms, and sour cream?”

“You can have whatever you want, angel,” he told her.

“Can I help?” she asked next.

“Sure. You can shred some cheese.”

They worked together making their breakfast, and Jag felt a pang of longing so intense it almost made his knees buckle. He wanted this. Wanted her right next to him, smiling and relaxed as they made breakfast together in the future.

The meal was done in no time and they settled at the small table next to the kitchen. Jag didn’t usually sit and eat there, he ate most meals standing up in the kitchen or in the living room as he watched TV.

There was something so…homey…about sitting at a table with Carly.

She stared down at the plate in front of her in disbelief. “You don’t seriously think I can eat all this, do you?” she asked.

Jag winced at the amount of food he’d made for her and shrugged a little self-consciously. “I hate the thought of you being hungry,” he admitted. “Just eat what you can. I’ll finish what you can’t or put the leftovers in the fridge.”

They ate in silence for a moment before Jag broached the subject he’d been thinking about since he’d received her text after returning from his mission. “I’m happy to go to the police station with you. Thrilled actually. I want to find out what they’ve been doing to find Luke and to end this limbo you’re in. But why now? What changed?”

Carly chewed and swallowed the bite of eggs she’d just taken, then put down her fork and leaned her forearms on the table. “I got tired of being pathetic,” she whispered.

“You are not pathetic,” Jag told her.

“I am. Was,” she said firmly. “I realized that hiding out in my apartment being scared wasn’t solving anything. I’ve been miserable and I miss my job, my friends. I miss people, Jag. Going to Kenna’s wedding was so scary. I kept thinking Luke was going to jump out from behind a tree or something with a bomb strapped to him and try to kidnap me. Or blow up everyone I love. By the time I could concentrate on the ceremony, it was over. I’d completely missed it because I was stuck in my head.

“I saw Monica with the others—with Kenna, Lexie, and Elodie—and realized I don’t even know her. Ashlyn and Lexie talked about Food For All and the great things they were doing, and want to do, and it upset me that I had no idea what they were talking about. And the fact that Theo kept his distance from me…kind of hurt. I haven’t been around for so long, he’s practically forgotten me. All of that stuff sort of piled on, and I started to get mad.”

Carly took a breath, and Jag couldn’t help but reach out and take one of her hands in his. He needed to touch her, to let her know that he was there for her.

She squeezed his hand and didn’t let go when she continued. “But even then, I was still terrified. The only place I felt safe was locked inside my apartment, and I knew that wasn’t healthy. Is it crazy that I wish Luke would just make his move already? Do whatever he’s going to do so I can move on with my life?”

“It’s not crazy,” Jag reassured her. “And believe it or not, what you’re feeling is normal.”

She rolled her eyes.

“It is,” he insisted. “You’ve been through a trauma and you have to heal from that before you can move on.”

“First of all, I didn’t go through a trauma,” Carly said a little belligerently. She removed her hand from his and crossed her arms with a huff. “Kenna did. She suffered in my place and that eats at me. And secondly, I don’t even know why I’m trying to explain. You could never understand.”

It was the second time she’d said something like that. The first was at Kenna and Aleck’s wedding. She’d said that he wouldn’t understand what it felt like to be vulnerable.

Jag hadn’t told anyone what happened to him when he was a kid. Not one person. He suddenly had the urge to confide in Carly. Tell her just how wrong she was.

But instead, he swallowed the words and kept his gaze locked on hers. “You’d be surprised at what I understand,” he told her. “But the bottom line is that you were traumatized by your ex. And I’m not talking only about that night he took Kenna hostage either.”