Fighting the Flames (Firefighter Romance #1)(23)
“No.” Jessie sighed. In hindsight, it did seem like a colossal mistake. But at the time, it seemed like the right thing to do. Honestly, how could Jessie commit to Ryan when she had so many loose ends at home, when she’d been such an emotional wreck? It wouldn’t have been fair to Ryan.
“How did Ryan handle it when you told him?”
“I didn’t.”
“Excuse me?” Lisa cupped her hand around her ear and leaned forward. “I didn’t tell him. I left in the middle of the night while he was sleeping.”
“Jessica Marie Taylor!”
Jessie groaned at the sound of her full name. She tried to brace herself for the ass chewing she knew was coming.
“You left a man who loved you, who, by your own words, made you feel things you’d never felt before, so you could return to shithead?”
“I get it, Lisa. I know I made a mistake. Okay?” Jessie plopped down on the couch and folded her arms over her chest.
“What are you going to do about it?” Lisa sat beside her. She lowered her voice. “He’s living right next door again, Jessie. You have a second chance. You can’t let this pass you by. Don’t blow it again.”
Jessie turned and looked at her sister. “That’s exactly what I’m afraid of. I don’t trust anyone, especially not men. You know that.”
“Has Ryan given you any reason not to trust him?”
“No.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
Jessie sighed and looked away, her gaze settling on a tiny stain on the carpet. Her dad’s image flitted through her mind, but she pushed it aside. She intended to take that secret to the grave. She looked at Lisa and shrugged. “I’m terrified that I’ll run away again. You know I have serious trust issues.”
“Right. Those are your issues. Not his. And think about this… what is the likelihood of you moving right next door to the man you love after all these years? Don’t you think it’s a sign? A sign that is flashing ‘It’s okay. Trust. Live.’?”
Jessie stood. “A sign, huh. What do you think about this as a sign—Ryan is also the fireman who saved me during the fire.”
Lisa’s breath exploded from her lungs in a whoosh. “Damn Sis, do you need a bigger burning bush than that? Pun intended.”
Jessie thought back to the night of the fire, when she felt the blaze was her push from the comfort zone she’d settled into. But, what if she was wrong, and it was just part of a series of unfortunate events? Was she willing to take that chance?”
She stood and exhaled with frustration. “I don’t know. Maybe it would be easier to just be friends with him. I think I need to focus on my career and be alone for a while. I suck at relationships.” She looked in her sister’s direction again. “And the last thing I want to do is hurt Ryan again. He shouldn’t suffer just because I’m still so messed up.”
“I think that’s a mistake. Regardless of what you decide, you have to talk to him, Jessie. I don’t know what was going on between you two when I arrived, but I do know that the way he was looking at you, that man is still in love with you.”
Jessie stared dumbfounded at her sister. Lisa was mistaken. There was no way Ryan was still in love with her. He couldn’t be after the way she’d left him. Oh God! What if Lisa was right? “No, he’s not,” Jessie muttered with little conviction.
“Don’t be so na?ve, little sister. It’s time to stop running. If you really want to be just his friend, then you need to tell him that.”
“I know,” she groaned. “You’re right.” Jessie was emotionally drained. Her brain felt fuzzy and she was tipsy from the wine, but one thing was crystal clear: she had to clear the air with Ryan. She had to apologize for hurting him, and she had to tell him that they could be nothing more than friends. And she had to do it—now—before she lost her nerve. “I’m going to go talk to Ryan.”
“What? Now?”
“I have to.” Jessie headed toward the door. “Thanks for everything, Lisa.” She smiled and waved before walking outside. Jessie felt good about this. It was just another step toward rebuilding her life and finding her independence.
Chapter 14
Ryan stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. When he kissed Jess earlier, he hadn’t planned on it ending with him in the shower jerking off. He hoped it would’ve ended with them in bed together, with them spending the night in each other’s arms, making love through the night like they used to. Christ, he was getting hard again just thinking about it, thinking about her and how incredible she’d felt, how wet and warm she’d been for him, how sweet her lips tasted. “Mmm.” He licked his lips at the memory.
He was still having trouble believing that Jessie Taylor was back in his life. Living next door to him, for god’s sake. All those nights he’d gone to bed alone, hoping and praying he’d get another chance with her, and now he finally had it. The only question, what was he going to do with it? It was obvious they still had the same level of sexual attraction they’d had from the moment they met. But Jessie had proven once before it wasn’t enough. Ryan loved her. He always had, but he needed answers. He needed to know why she ran out on him that night. She’d left without a goodbye, without a real explanation. Just a note claiming she was sorry.