Fighting Solitude (On The Ropes #3)(55)

“Okay?” I drawled.

“So you’re f*cked,” Ash repeated.

“Totally,” Eliza agreed.

Ash stood and moved beside me on the futon. “Way I see it, Quarry has been sitting on some serious feelings for you since he was a kid, and a few weeks ago, he woke up and realized that those feelings were still there. And, if I had to guess, they’re probably stronger than ever. You think a man like him—a Page man—is just going to walk away from that? And, more so, do you think you could handle it if he did?”

My pulse spiked. “I won’t lose him. We could stay friends.”

“The friend thing doesn’t work when you’re in love, Liv. It will destroy you faster than anything else. Longing and love turns to bitterness and anger.” Eliza smiled. “Trust me. I’ve been there.”

I shook my head adamantly. “No. Quarry and I are…different.” Panic began to build in my chest. As sad as it may sound, Quarry was my life. Without him, it would just be me and the silence. “N-nothing changes. He…told me so.”

“Simmer down.” Ash’s hand gently landed on my back. “You look like you’re about to pass out or puke.”

I was about to do both.

It was all too overwhelming.

The idea of losing him.

The idea of being with him.

The idea of trusting him.

The idea of him leaving me when I couldn’t give him that trust.

The idea of just being friends after the way it’d felt to wake up in his arms.

The idea of never having him inside me again.

The idea of…Mia.

Then the idea of having him inside me again.

Too much. All of it.

“Hey…you want to breathe?” Ash hit me on the back like I was choking.

A rush of breath I hadn’t known I’d been holding flew from my mouth.

“I can’t do this.” I jumped to my feet and began pacing the room. “Help me think of a way to get out of this date with him tonight.”

“You’re in love with him. Do you think dodging a date will make that disappear?” Eliza asked.

“No! But I think it will give him more time to realize how f*cked up this whole thing is. He wasn’t supposed to develop feelings for me. And, now that I know he has, I can’t seem to keep mine shut down anymore.” I groaned. “No. This isn’t happening. He loves Mia. I can’t fill those shoes. He needs to get over this…so I can too. End of story.”

Ash’s eyes lifted to Eliza then back to me. “Love is different. It’s not a one-size-fits-all. And it’s definitely not universal or transferable. There are no shoes to fill. Whatever you and Quarry have is unique to the two of you. It’s not what he had with Mia—and I mean that for better or worse. You can’t compare his feelings. If Quarry is risking what you two have to take it to the next level, then you have to assume they are pretty freaking strong.”

She drew in a deep breath and lowered her voice as if she were going impart some serious wisdom. “If you hear nothing else I say today, please hear this. It took me a long time to realize this, and I don’t want to see you make the same mistakes. So listen up.” She leaned toward me, her eyes imploring. “There are no shoes to fill, Liv. And the way I know this is because, if there were, Mia would have been filling yours for years.”

My heart stopped. “You…you don’t know what you’re talking about. Quarry loved Mia.”

Eliza nodded. “He did. Very much. But he loved you first.”

I shot to my feet. “You don’t know that.”

“We all know that! Everyone who has ever seen you two together knows that! It’s not a competition between you and Mia, Liv. It’s not an affair. It’s not some dirty little secret. It’s life. So cut yourself some slack. Go on a date with the guy you’ve always wanted, talk to him, and then figure out how to start the real relationship you both so obviously want.” Ash threw her arms out to the sides in frustration and then turned to Eliza. “Christ! Please tell me I wasn’t this stubborn.”

Eliza giggled. “Worse.”

I stood frozen.

Could it be that easy?

I had to admit flighty-and-crazy Ash wasn’t too shabby at advice.

While the chat about Mia did make me feel marginally better, the biggest problem I saw with all of this was that, in order to be with Quarry, I was going to have to find a way to trust him.

It was impossible.

“He loved you first.”

“I don’t know how to do this,” I admitted.

“Well, that’s better than the ‘I can’t do this’ you were claiming a few minutes ago.” Ash smiled and tossed my cell phone into my lap. “Start there.”




Me: I’m going to the community center and setting up some stuff for Don so he can handle my tutoring appointments for tonight. What time should I be ready for our date?

Quarry: Actually, I’m busy tonight. Can we do something tomorrow?

Me: That’s better for me anyway. The male revue is in town for tonight only.

Quarry: Jesus. I was kidding. You aren’t going to a f*cking male revue.

Me: I was kidding too…kinda.

Quarry: I’ll pick you up at seven. Dress warm.