Fighting Redemption(93)

She’d had to close her eyes for a brief moment against the waves of emotion that took her on a wild path down memory lane.

The first time she’d met him that connection had been instant, and had never gone away. Growing up, she’d always been aware of him, the love for him growing inside her, falling into an ache that she was too young to recognise as heartbreak when he’d walked away, leaving her and joining the Army, giving them the heart that should have been hers all along.

“Six years, Ryan. Do you know how hurt I was, each day passing by and getting nothing—not even a note or an email? Both of you left me, and I was okay with that. I understood that this was what you needed to do, so I moved on. I built a life that doesn’t include you … I’d have given you my entire heart if you’d only asked, but it’s not yours now. It’s not yours.”

She hadn’t meant the words because she’d already given him her heart. It had only ever been his.

“I hurt too. For six years I fought every day not to think of you, and I lost, because every day you were all I could see.”

And now here he was, in her arms, telling her she was still all he could see, and asking her the one thing that would tie them both together forever.

The smile on Fin’s face grew wide. “Yes, Ryan. I’ll marry you.”



Jacob’s little legs kicked her in the thigh, startling her out of the memory. “Hey, little man,” she murmured as she tickled his belly, warmth spreading through her as he giggled. “Beating on your poor old mum already. That’s not nice. We’re going to have to get daddy to teach you how to treat a lady, huh?”

He babbled noisily, the sound ranging from a sweet, low pitch to a decibel breaking squeal.

“Wow, Fin. Your son is loud,” Rachael told her, as if Fin couldn’t hear it already. “It feels like a thousand rusty forks are stabbing me in the ears.”

She swooped down on the blanket to pluck Jacob into her arms, but her mum snatched him up before Rachael got the chance. Lifting his little white singlet, she blew a noisy raspberry onto his little belly.

Rachael watched on, her eyes flat, hands on her hips, making sure Fin’s mum could see she was unimpressed. “Excuse me, Julie, but I believe we agreed it was my turn?”

“We did.” Julie paused to nibble on Jacob’s fingers. “But it’s bath time, isn’t it, my little darling?” she said to Jacob.

Fin’s mum started walking away, her grandson tucked securely on her hip.

“Well I can do it,” Rachael told her, hot on her heels, her voice fading as they trailed inside and left Fin alone.

She sighed, splaying out on her back on the blanket and staring up into the blue sky, feeling a pang at the knowledge this was her last night with Ryan.

Deeming him fit for duty, the Army were deploying him to Afghanistan, so he was trying to do too much, wearing himself out around the house in the need to fit the coming six months into just a few days. Fin tired easily now—her heart too damaged to function normally—and though she never said, she knew he could see her exhaustion, and it only pushed him harder and wore him out faster.

How could they send him back? Hadn’t they suffered enough? When would this war torn country be ready to stand on its own two feet and give her back the man she loved? They’d had him long enough, using him up until there was nothing left for the rest of them.

Fin closed her eyes and an icy breeze dusted her skin gently, causing goose bumps to skate down her arms. She shivered.

“Jacob’s beautiful, Fin.”

“Jake?” she breathed, her heart clutching at the sound of her brother’s voice.

“You’ll tell him about me, won’t you? I want him to know the person who’s watching over him.”

Her bottom lip trembled. “Every day. I promise,” she whispered, her voice cracking. “He looks so much like Ryan but already he reminds me of you. He has your smile, Jake. It hurts Ryan to see it. He still cries your name sometimes in his sleep, but I don’t think he knows.”

“He knows, Fin. He’ll always have scars, but he’s accepted them because he has you, and you make his world beautiful.”

“You did too, Jake. The world doesn’t shine as bright without you in it. I miss you.”

“You can’t miss what’s already in your heart, honey.”

The cool breeze chilling her skin began to die off.

“Wait, Jake!” she cried out, choking on a sob. She wanted to see him one last time, but there was nothing tangible to hold on to except empty air.

“Don’t be scared. Just remember to smile when you think of me.”

The warmth of the sun began shining through, creating dappled sunlight through the trees.

“Jake?”

Nothing but silence greeted her.

“Fin?”

Her eyes flew open. Ryan was hovering above her as the sun set on the horizon. “You’ve been asleep for over an hour.”

“Oh,” she murmured, pushing up on her elbows. She rubbed at her eyes, echoes of Jake’s voice still lingering in her heart.

“Are you okay?” His brow was furrowed with concern as he reached down and picked her up effortlessly in his arms.

“I’m fine. I can walk you know.”

“I know that. I remember a girl once telling me that she did have legs …” he told her, hugging her to his chest as he carried her over to the deck table where everyone was starting to sit down. “But if I wanted to carry her around forever, then she’d let me.”