Fighting Redemption(86)

“That’s because you’re cute when you do stupid things,” Ryan blurted out as he let her drag him behind her. Shit. Did he really say that? He needed to take his eyes off her ass before he said something more damning.

Fin stopped abruptly and he almost smacked into her back. She turned, her mouth open. “You think I’m cute?”

“Umm …”

“Where are you two going?” Jake yelled over his shoulder.

Ryan owed Jake big time for that save, otherwise he might have admitted to just how hot he thought she really was, and encouraging anything between them wouldn’t be right.

“Swimming,” Fin yelled back.

Jake tipped his chin at Ryan, the gesture telling Ryan to look after my little sister.

He gave Jake a brief salute before they continued their path. When the cool, salty water rushed over their toes, Ryan stopped. Fin stepped up beside him so they were both looking out towards the horizon.

Ryan pointed over to the left. “Don’t go in there, okay?” His brows furrowed. “See the darker channels? That’s a huge rip. And over there…” he pointed further off to his right “…see how the waves aren’t breaking consistently there? That’s another one. You should avoid that side of the …” he trailed off, feeling her eyes on him rather than where he was pointing.

“What?” he asked, looking at Fin. Her eyes were clouded and suddenly sad. “What’s wrong?”

“I know how to spot the rips.” She looked down at the water rushing over her toes. “When Rachael was little, her dad got caught in one and died.”

Ryan turned to face her, taking both her hands in his. “I’m sorry.”

“Oh, you … it’s okay. I mean, I didn’t know him. Rachael barely knew him. It’s just …” Fin bit her lip and looked up, her hair fluttering in the soft, warm breeze as she met his eyes. “I don’t know what I’d do without my dad ... Oh, Ryan, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”

He squeezed her hands. “No, don’t. It’s okay. I’m pretty sure I don’t know what I’d do without your dad either.”

“Do you ever wonder what happens when you die?”

Kassidy’s face swam in his mind, and Ryan swallowed the ache. “Sometimes,” he replied. “I guess it’s normal to think about it, isn’t it?”

“It’s just … I think if I ever lost a parent I’d wonder if they were still there, hovering somewhere on the edges and watching out for me. I’m scared that when you die that’s it. There’s nothing after that, like the entire life you lived really is all gone in the blink of an eye.”

Ryan’s stomach rolled at the thought of Fin dying. It wasn’t ever going to happen—at least not while he was alive to see it. “I don’t know what happens after you die, Fin, but if there really is just nothing, I guess it makes that whole make the most of your life, you only live once thing that much more compelling.”

“I googled it,” she admitted.

“You googled life after death?” Ryan fought a smile. How typical of her to get to the facts of the matter.

“I did. Did you know that when you die, your brain keeps working for thirty seconds after blood flow stops? Then it just switches off. I guess science can’t tell you much more beyond that point.”

“What do you think happens?”

“I think believing in life after death is a coping mechanism—a way for death not to overwhelm the mind with its finality. Does it make me stupid for still wanting to believe in it anyway?”

“Stupid?” Ryan allowed his hands to rest on her hips, loving the feel of her smooth skin. He tugged her closer and she shivered beneath his touch. “You’re the smartest person I know.” Then he winked at her. “Besides me of course.”

Fin’s eyes lit up with laughter, and his lungs expanded at her beauty, at being the one to make her laugh.

“Are you two idiots going swimming, or are you just gonna stand there making cow eyes at each other?” Jake yelled.

“Cow eyes?” Ryan yelled back in the most disbelieving tone he could muster.

Jake laughed as a pretty flush climbed Fin’s neck.

“Come on.” Ryan grabbed her hand and started leading her into the water. “Let’s get this body surfing lesson under way.”

“Ryan.”

Ryan turned, but Fin wasn’t there. How could she have just disappeared in an instant? Breathless with fear, his eyes searched for Jake, but he was gone too. The entire beach was empty—the only sound was the waves crashing in the ocean. Ryan stood alone, icy water swirling around his ankles as the day turned dark and cold. Was this the thirty seconds that Fin talked about? Was this all he had left before blackness stole all the beauty away?

“Ryan!”

Irritated, Ryan ignored the voice. Something was wrong. He needed to get back to the beach and find Fin.

“Damn you, Kendall. Wake the f*ck up! Fin needs you.”

Ryan’s eyes blinked open. “What?” he croaked. He tried focusing. Someone was hovering over him. He could see light, but it was hazy, like a film of white was covering his eyes.

“You have to leave now. He needs rest,” came a firm voice from somewhere to his right.