Fighting Redemption(5)

The five of them were sitting down at the table eating dinner when she told them. Ryan’s jaw clenched at the news. He stared blindly at his dinner plate, his appetite suddenly disappearing. The urge to push away from the table so he could hurt in private overwhelmed him.

“No,” Mike replied firmly.

Ryan closed his eyes, relief rushing through him.

“But, Dad—”

“You’re only sixteen,” Mike pointed out with a shake of his head. “That’s too young for dating.”

Fin looked at Julie. “Mum—”

“Honey,” she said softly. “How about you give it another year before you think about that, okay?”

Another year? Ryan could live with that. Another year and he would be gone. He wouldn’t have to stand by and watch Fin give to someone else what should be his. The thought of someone else kissing her and touching her made him feel sick.

With dinner finished Fin pushed away from the table. Ryan watched her stride through the living room and out to the backyard.

Jake looked at him across the table and nodded upstairs. “Ghost Recon rematch?”

“Sure.” Ryan’s eyes fell on Fin sitting cross-legged outside in the grass, and he felt a tug at his heart. With Jake already at the stairs, he said, “Be up in sec, okay?”

“Okay,” Jake called out, disappearing towards his room.

With Mike and Julie chattering quietly in the kitchen, Ryan made his way outside. Fin looked up at his approach and he sat down at her side.

“Are you okay?”

She nodded silently, plucking at the fat blades of grass Jake had mowed that very morning.

“Who asked you out?”

Fin shrugged. “Does it matter?”

Of course it mattered. No one would ever be good enough for her, not even him, and despite Ryan wanting to be, it wasn’t ever going to happen. He swallowed the sudden burst of anger before he choked on it. “I guess not,” he lied.

“Ryan?”

“Mmm?”

“All my friends are starting to date, but I … I’m not sure if I’m ready for that um … stuff yet. I can’t bring myself to care too much about it.” She looked sideways at him, her cheeks flushing. “Does that make me weird?”

“No,” he replied quickly, his fists unclenching at her words.

Why was she telling him? He was the last person she should be talking to about this stuff. Ryan wasn’t a virgin. Neither was Jake. They both had their fair share of girls chasing them. Sex was good, but for him it was never more than that. Ryan could let himself go physically, but emotionally he was never in the moment. Knowing that Fin would be subjected to guys that felt the same way made his blood run cold.

He plucked at the same blades of grass and tossed them at her. She looked up from beneath her long, pretty lashes, firing a grin his way that tripped his heart.

“What do you care about?” he asked.

She tossed some blades of grass back his way, chuckling softly as he brushed it out of his hair, bits of green falling in his lap. “Promise not to laugh?”

He crossed his heart silently and waited.

“I want to be a scientist.”

Ryan’s chest expanded with pride. Fin was so smart. She could do anything she wanted. “Why would I laugh at that?”

“Because my best friend Rachael did.” She bit down on her lip but they twitched a little. “She thinks I’m so clumsy I’ll blow up a lab or something.”

He laughed then. Fin was clumsy. Crashing her way around a lab was highly possible.

Fin punched his shoulder.

“Ouch.” He winced, pretending it hurt, and rubbed his shoulder. “What sort of scientist anyway?”

“Environmental or marine. I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll study both.”

Ryan grinned. “You’re a nerd.”

An utterly beautiful, adorable, clumsy nerd.

She straightened her shoulders and returned his grin. “I am a nerd and proud of it, so there.”

“Fin.”

“What?”

Ryan shook his head, swallowing the lump rising in his throat. He was so close to kissing that grin off her lips he couldn’t stand it. “Nothing.”

Fin fell back on the grass, her hair fanning out around her. Her eyes on the stars, she asked, “What about you, Ryan?”

“What about me?” he quipped.

“What do you care about?”

Ryan stretched out beside her and found his hand reaching for hers; it was so tiny and smooth in his. The warmth of it sent flutters through his stomach. He squeezed her hand, fighting the sensation.

“Being in the Army. Being a soldier.”

You.

“That’s it?”

“Yep. That’s it.”

“I already know that. Tell me something new.”

Ryan glanced across at her, finding her eyes on him. “There is nothing new. I want to get out, Fin. I need to. I can’t live at that place for much longer. I’m tired of the fighting and the yelling, the alcohol and the …”

“He hits you.”

Ryan closed his eyes, hating that she knew—hoping she didn’t see him as someone weak and helpless for putting up with it. He would never tell her why his family fell apart and why his father turned into such a lousy drunk. He couldn’t stand her knowing and looking at him differently.