Fighting Fate (Fighting #7)(84)

She pushes open the door, and we stumble inside the two-room flat she shares with Ollie. She rubs her arms over her coat and adjusts the wall heater as I slump to her couch at an angle with one knee on the cushions.

“I hope you like Earl Grey,” she calls from the stove, banging through cupboards.

“That’s fine, thanks.” I allow my eyes to slide closed, and with the liquor making my defenses flimsy, I allow myself to do the unthinkable.

Get lost in memories of Axelle.

Her legs locked on mine, skin on skin, holding us together so fiercely her muscles shake. “I love you.” She spoke those three words against my mouth, the sweet heat of her love breathing life into mine.

I ran my nose up her neck, getting drunk off her scent. “I love you too, so f*cking much.”

She was scared. I remember her voice trembled as she whispered in my ear, “This is really happening? Us, I mean?”

I would’ve given anything for her to see herself through my eyes. If I had to gouge out my own and rip out my beating heart, I would’ve done it gladly if only to make her understand. “It’s happening. You and me? This is as real as it gets.”

The couch dips beside me, and I lazily open my eyes to Fleur. “Hey.”

Her hand caresses my cheek, and I lean into her touch, accepting her comfort.

“Tea.” She hands me a squat teacup, and I push myself up a little to take a few sips.

“Thanks.”

She places it on the table, and it hits me that she’s always taking care of me. It’s a strange role reversal from what I’m used to. With Axelle, it was always me taking care of her. Being on the receiving end of someone’s kindness is nice but also makes me feel a little guilty. I wonder if this is what Ax was talking about the day she told me to go to England, if my years of looking after her gave her more to feel bad about rather than the comfort I’d tried to give.

“You don’t have to do this.”

Her hand glides up my chest to loosen my tie. “I like doing it.”

“Fleur.” I still her hand at my neck. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

She flinches slightly and moves her hand from my tie to the back of my neck, her fingers pressing in to loosen the tight muscles. I’ve been so f*cking tense, and the way her fingers roll against my neck makes me groan.

“I wonder, just for one night, will you let me be her?”

My eyes are closed as she continues to massage my neck. “Who?”

Her fingers stiffen against my collar. “The girl you can’t stop thinking about.”

My gaze snaps to hers, and her hand moves up to cup my jaw.

“I want to know what it’s like, Killian.” Her eyes search mine. “I wouldn’t expect anything, just… We can pretend I’m her.”

“God…no.” I try to push away from her, but with my back to the couch I don’t get far. “That’s wrong. I—”

“Who’s to say what’s wrong? I know you miss her, and I want to know what it feels like to be loved like that.” She moves closer, erasing what little distance I’d managed to put between us. “It’ll stay between us. Just for tonight, we can give each other what we both want. I can give you her, and you can give me you.”

Booze-fogged, I’m tongue-tied and struck dumb. “I’m drunk, Fleur. Whatever you think you saw is just me being out of my mind and missing someone.”

“It’s not just tonight. I’ve seen her on your mind a lot. The cross you do on your chest after every fight.” She makes a fist over her heart and then the X before bringing her fist to her lips. “That’s for her?”

Usually I’d lie, but I’m so sick of pretending. I swallow, my eyes burning. “Yes.”

She leans in and peppers kisses along my jaw. I know I should push her away, should jump up and storm out and let the freezing outdoor temps cool the fire of arousal I can’t seem to shake. The scent of her expensive perfume swirls my senses, and my body responds to her touch, hardening with need. “Fleur, we can’t.” The words come freely, but I lack the strength to move because every single touch brings me back to Axelle.

Her hand glides down my chest to slip her fingers between the buttons. “Let me be her, Killian.”

The offer is so sweet, so damn tempting, to close my eyes and get lost in Axelle’s body, even if only in fantasy. The delicate touch of Fleur’s lips meets mine, and I give in to the illusion. My hands fork into her hair, tilting her head to gain deeper access. She tastes of red wine and sweet tea. I push the rich flavors from my thoughts and pretend it’s the Jolly Rancher taste of Axelle’s lip gloss.

“Where are you?”

Her soft giggle sounds in my ear. “Thought it was pretty obvious. I’m right here, Kill. I’m not going anywhere.”

She’s here, her luscious body pressed against mine. “Yeah?”

Her breathy moan ignites my blood. “This is right where I’m supposed to be.”

I cup her breasts, flicking the nipple with impatience. “I miss you, baby. I miss you so f*cking much.” My voice cracks, and I swallow her answering whimper.

I flip her so she’s beneath me, her tiny form fragile and writhing. The skin on her inner thigh is like the smoothest silk against my palm as I slide it up to cup her over her panties. “Don’t leave me, Axelle.”