Fifty Shades of Grey(132)

Christian squirts baby oil into his hand and then rubs my behind with careful tenderness

- from makeup remover to smoothing balm for a spanked ass, who would have thought it was such a versatile liquid.

"I like my hands on you," he murmurs, and I have to agree, me too.

"There," he says when he's finished, and he pulls my pants up again.

I glance over at my clock. It's ten-thirty.

"I'm leaving now."

"I'll see you out." I still can't look at him.

Taking my hand, he leads me to the front door. Fortunately, Kate is still not home. She must still be having dinner with her folks and Ethan. I'm really glad she's not been around to hear my chastisement.

"Don't you have to call Taylor?" I ask, avoiding eye contact.

"Taylor's been here since nine. Look at me," he breathes.

I struggle to meet his eyes, but when I do, he's gazing down at me with wonder.

"You didn't cry," he murmurs, then grabs me suddenly and kisses me fervently. "Sunday," he whispers against my lips, and it's both a promise and a threat.

I watch him walk down the path and climb into the big black Audi. He doesn't look back. I close the door and stand helpless in the living room of an apartment that I shall only spend another two nights in. A place I have lived happily for almost four years... yet today, for the first time ever, I feel lonely and uncomfortable here, unhappy with my own company. Have I strayed so far from who I amI know that lurking, not very far under my rather numb exterior, is a well of tears. What am I doingThe irony is I can't even sit down and enjoy a good cry. I'll have to stand. I know it's late, but I decide to call my mom.

"Honey, how are youHow was graduation?" she enthuses down the phone. Her voice is a soothing balm.

"Sorry it's so late," I whisper.

She pauses.

"AnaWhat's wrong?" She's all seriousness now.

"Nothing, Mom, I just wanted to hear your voice."

She's silent for a moment.

"Ana, what is itPlease tell me." Her voice is soft and comforting, and I know that she cares. Uninvited, my tears begin to flow. I have cried so often in the last few days.

"Please, Ana," she says, and her anguish reflects mine.

"Oh, Mom, it's a man."

"What's he done to you?" Her alarm is palpable.

"It's not like that." Although it is... Oh crap. I don't want to worry her. I just want someone else to be strong for me at the moment.

"Ana, please, you're worrying me."

I take a big breath.

"I've kind of fallen for this guy, and he's so different from me, and I don't know if we should be together."

"Oh, darling. I wish I could be with you. I am so sorry I missed your graduation.

You've fallen for someone, finally. Oh, honey, men, they are so tricky. They're a different species, honey. How long have you known him?"

Christian is definitely a different species... different planet.

"Oh, nearly three weeks or so."

"Ana, darling, that's no time at all. How can you possibly know someone in that kind of time frameJust take it easy with him and keep him at arm's length until you decide whether he's worthy of you."

Wow... it's unnerving when my mother is so insightful, but she's just too late on this.

Is he worthy of meThat's an interesting concept. I always wonder whether I am worthy of him.

"Honey, you sound so unhappy. Come home - visit with us. I miss you, darling. Bob would love to see you too. You can get some distance and maybe some perspective. You need a break. You've been working so hard."