Fifty Shades Darker(36)

The girl who looks like me is standing outside SIP. Hang on - she is me. I am pale and un-washed, and all my clothes are too big; I'm staring at her, and she's wearing my clothes -

happy, healthy.

"What do you have that I don't?" I ask her.

"Who are you?"

"I'm nobody... Who are you? Are you nobody, too... ?"

"Then there's a pair of us - don't tell, they'd banish us, you know..."1 She smiles, a slow, evil grimace that spreads across her face, and it's so chilling that I start to scream.

"Jesus, Ana!" Christian is shaking me awake.

I am so disorientated. I'm at home... in the dark... in bed with Christian. I shake my head, trying to clear my mind.

"Baby, are you okay? You were having a bad dream."

"Oh."

He switches on the lamp so we're bathed in its dim light. He gazes down at me, his face etched with concern.

"The girl," I whisper.

"What is it? What girl?" he asks soothingly.

"There was a girl outside SIP when I left this evening. She looked like me... but not really."

Christian stills, and as the light from the bedside lamp warms up, I see his face is ashen.

"When was this?" he whispers, dismayed. He sits up, staring down at me.

"When I left this afternoon. Do you know who she is?"

"Yes." He runs a hand through his hair.

"Who?"

His mouth presses into a hard line, but he says nothing.

"Who?" I press.

"It's Leila."

I swallow. The ex-sub! I remember Christian talking about her before we went gliding.

Suddenly, he's radiating tension. Something is going on.

"The girl who put 'Toxic' on your iPod?"

He glances at me anxiously.

"Yes," he says. "Did she say anything?"

"She said, 'what do you have that I don't have?' and when I asked who she was, she said, 'nobody.' "

Christian closes his eyes as if in pain. Oh no. What's happened? What does she mean to him?

My scalp prickles as adrenaline spikes through my body. What if she means a lot to him? Perhaps he misses her? I know so little about his past... um, relationships. She must have had a contract, and she would have done what he wanted, given him what he needed gladly.

1 Emily Dickinson, "I'm Nobody! Who are you?" first stanza.

Oh no - when I can't. The thought makes me nauseous.

Climbing out of bed, Christian drags on his jeans and heads into the main room. A glance at my alarm clock shows it's five in the morning. I roll out of bed, putting his white shirt on, and follow him.

Holy shit, he's on the phone.

"Yes, outside SIP, yesterday... early evening," he says quietly. He turns to me as I move toward the kitchen and asks me directly, "What time exactly?"

"About ten to six?" I mumble. Who on earth is he calling at this hour? What's Leila done? He relays the information to whoever's on the line, not taking his eyes off me, his expression dark and earnest.

"Find out how... Yes... I wouldn't have said so, but then I wouldn't have thought she could do this." He closes his eyes as if he's in pain. "I don't know how that will go down... Yes, I'll talk to her... Yes... I know... Follow it up and let me know. Just find her, Welch - she's in trouble. Find her." He hangs up.

"Do you want some tea?" I ask. Tea, Ray's answer to every crisis and the only thing he does well in the kitchen. I fill the kettle with water.