Fifty Shades Darker(200)

"Well, good thing I've been promoted - I can afford the fine," I say smugly, staring at his lovely profile. His lips twitch. Another Van Morrison song starts playing as he takes the on-ramp to I-5, heading north.

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise. What else did Flynn say?"

I sigh. "He talked about FFFSTB or something."

"SFBT. The latest therapy option," he mutters.

"You've tried others?"

Christian snorts. "Baby, I've been subjected to them all. Cognitivism, Freud, functionalism, Gestalt, behaviorism... You name it, over the years I've done it," he says and his tone betrays his bitterness. The rancor in his voice is distressing.

"Do you think this latest approach will help?"

"What did Flynn say?"

"He said not to dwell on your past. Focus on the future - on where you want to be."

Christian nods but shrugs at the same time, his expression cautious.

"What else?" he persists.

"He talked about your fear of being touched, although he called it something else. And about your nightmares and your self-abhorrence." I glance at him, and in the evening light, he's pensive, chewing on his thumbnail as he drives. He glances quickly at me.

"Eyes on the road, Mr. Grey," I admonish, my eyebrow cocked at him.

He looks amused, and slightly exasperated. "You were talking forever, Anastasia. What else did he say?"

I swallow. "He doesn't think you're a sadist," I whisper.

"Really?" Christian says quietly and frowns. The atmosphere in the car takes a nose-dive."He says that term's not recognized in psychiatry. Not since the nineties," I mutter, quickly trying to rescue the mood between us.

Christian's face darkens, and he exhales slowly.

"Flynn and I have differing opinions on this," he says quietly.

"He said you always think the worst of yourself. I know that's true," I murmur. "He also mentioned sexual sadism - but he said that was a lifestyle choice, not a psychiatric condition. Maybe that's what you're thinking about."

His gray eyes flash toward me again, and his mouth sets in a grim line.

"So - one talk with the good doctor and you're an expert," he says acidly and turns his eyes front.

Oh dear... I sigh.

"Look - if you don't want to hear what he said, don't ask me," I mutter softly.

I don't want to argue. Anyway he's right - what the hell do I know about all his shit?

Do I even want to know? I can list the salient points - his control freakery, his possessiveness, his jealousy, his overprotectiveness - and I completely understand where he's coming from. I can even understand why he doesn't like to be touched - I've seen the physical scars. I can only imagine the mental ones, and I've only glimpsed his nightmares once. And Dr. Flynn said -

"I want to know what you discussed." Christian interrupts my thoughts as he heads off I-5 on exit 172, heading west toward the slowly sinking sun.

"He called me your lover."

"Did he now?" His tone is conciliatory. "Well, he's nothing if not fastidious about his terms. I think that's an accurate description. Don't you?"

"Did you think of your subs as lovers?"

Christian's brow creases once more, but this time he's thinking. He turns the Saab smoothly north once again. Where are we going?

"No. They were sexual partners," he murmurs, his voice cautious again. "You're my only lover. And I want you to be more."