Fauxmance (Showmance #2)(67)

This was it. I was choking. My worst fears became real.





Chapter Nineteen





Julian





Shit.

She was choking out there.

Ellen stood in the middle of the stage, eyes wide as saucers, microphone held to her mouth, but no words came out.

Her agent, Daniel, appeared at my side. “What’s wrong with her?”

“She’s never been on a stage before, and certainly not with so many people looking at her. She’s freaking out.”

His brow furrowed. “Should I go get her?”

He made a move, but I stayed him with a hand. “Wait, give her a minute.”

Come on, Ellen. You can do this. You’re strong. Find your inner strength and use it.

Several more seconds of silence fell, and I almost gave up, but then, miraculously, Ellen spoke. It was music to my ears.

“H-hello, thank you all for coming today.”

I exhaled in relief. I hadn’t noticed how tense I’d been. Hadn’t realised just how much I wanted her to succeed.

“As you know, this is my first ever book signing, so I apologise in advance if I mess up. This is all pretty terrifying.”

There were a few affectionate laughs from the audience. They loved her already, in spite of her awkwardness, or maybe because of it. Sasha Orlando, who was more or less Elodie, was a role model for these people. Maybe they all felt a little like Ellen on the inside and yearned to be more like Elodie on the outside. More confident, fearless, and brave.

She cleared her throat. “So, um, I have a little exclusive excerpt to read for you. It’s from Ampersand, the final book in the series, which will be coming out next year.” There were cheers but also noises of sadness from the audience that the series was ending. Ellen lifted the papers from the table in front of her and started to read.

“Chapter One. Toby sat across the desk from me, hands clasped together, glasses resting almost on the tip of his nose…”

The more she read, the more confident she became. By the time she finished, and the manager came back out to moderate the question and answer session, she was almost taking it in stride. She fumbled her words once or twice, but she didn’t choke again. When the final question was answered, and it was time for the signing part of the event, she came off stage and ran straight into my arms. With her face nestled in the crook of my neck, she sighed in relief. “I can’t believe I got through that.”

I pressed my lips to her hair, inhaling her scent. “I was certain you were about to do a runner at the beginning.”

Her voice was bashful. “Yeah I, um, took your advice and pictured them all naked.”

My smile grew as I gazed down at her. “I knew it. Just like the bend and snap, it works every time.”

Her lips twitched. “I feel like I should apologize for defiling them, especially the people in the front row.”

I chuckled and pulled her into a tighter hug. “I’m so proud of you.”

“I couldn’t have done this without you, Julian. Meeting you, it changed me. You’ve helped me break out of my shell.”

And you’ve stolen my heart.

The thought knocked me for six. These past weeks, I’d grown closer and closer to Ellen. I let her in my bed, and resultingly, deep under my skin. And I wanted her to be mine.

When we went out socialising, I hated it when other men flirted with her. Every part of me rebelled against the idea of wanting to own someone because it went against everything I believed in regard to sex and monogamy. I believed people should be free to explore their sexualities without being confined by backward, outdated rules. But with Ellen, I wasn’t interested in sharing, and funnily enough, I wasn’t interested in being with anyone else either.

Was this what I’d felt was missing, what I’d been yearning for? Monogamy? One person to share my life with?

“Come with me to Devon this weekend,” she said, breaking me from my thoughts.

“Devon?”

She nodded, looking up at me hopefully. “My dad’s getting married. I wasn’t going to bring a date, but…I don’t want to go without you.”

Her dad was getting married? This was the first time she’d mentioned it. I knew her mother died tragically when she was just a toddler, but I assumed her father already remarried at some point over the years.

I stroked a hand down her hair and smiled softly. “I wouldn’t miss it. Now go, your loving public awaits.”

I sat next to her as she signed book after book, smiled for pictures and made small talk with her readers. Sure, she had a few awkward or nervous moments, but she got through it. I felt like a proud parent, but a part of me was also sad. She might not know it yet, but Ellen was out in the world now. Soon enough, she wouldn’t need me anymore.

Ironically, it now seemed that I needed her.

My phone buzzed with a text and I pulled it from my pocket.

Rose: WTF!? Ellen is E.S. Grant! Why didn’t you tell me?

I chuckled to myself as I wrote a reply.

Julian: It wasn’t my secret to tell. Anyway, how do you know already? Her first appearance literally just happened.

Rose: I’m signed up for Google alerts. People are already posting pics online. Thought I spotted you in the background!

Julian: You really are a superfan.