Fall From Grace(84)



“Like what?”

“Pretend that you don’t give a shit about me.  You’re the one that asked me to sleep in here last night.  I get a lot of mixed signals from you, Grace.”

It killed me that he was right.  Shane wasn’t one to beat around the bush, he said things straight.  I needed to tell him something to make sure his attention would go on to the next girl and I wouldn’t feel so tempted by him.  I wrapped my arms around myself, because telling him just a small part of my truth made me feel like my insides would burst and I’d be nothing more than dust.  “Look, I was with someone for a long time.  We had to go our separate ways, but I’m still in love with him.  I don’t...want anybody else.  So...this is weird for me.  I’m sorry, if I’m giving you any signals. I really don’t want to be with anyone but him.”

Shane’s expression didn’t change.

“Ever. Especially with anyone who would think I was only worth one night of their existence,” I whispered.  I looked down humiliated. I could feel the blush on my face heat my cheeks and spread down my neck.  I wasn’t special, was I?  Maybe Azazel was right, maybe he wouldn’t want me anymore.  I looked back up to Shane; his lips were turned down and his eyebrows pulled together as if I had hurt him.  Like I could ever hurt someone like Shane.  I needed to get away from this life. It confused me and bothered me and all I wanted to do was to crawl back into bed with this man and pretend that I was really Grace.  Grace would probably hate herself in the morning when she left the Bone Room, but I bet he would have made her feel loved for a few hours.

I walked out of Shane’s room and exhaled.  I walked into the bathroom and ran the cold water over my hands until I was numb.  I shouldn’t care what Shane thinks or what Shane feels, but that was the problem; I did.  This life was too confusing and I was losing sight of what I set out to do, and Azazel was trying to kill me.

Lea’s muffled calls through the door snapped me out of my thoughts.  She knocked once and came in.  “How did I know you’d be doing this?”  Grabbing my hands from under the icy stream, she wrapped a towel around them and held them to her chest.  “Is this really the only way you can let off steam?  Or whatever it is you’re trying to do?”  She didn’t wait for an answer.  “I called my boss and told her everything that happened last night and she gave me the next two weeks off, can you believe that?  I hope it doesn’t take two weeks to find that lunatic. I’m so freaking scared.”

“I think maybe I shouldn’t go with you guys today. Maybe I should go someplace else and...”

“Shut up!  Shut up!  I don’t want to hear about want you want,” she snapped.  “There is somebody out there who has tried to kill you. Twice!  I know you think you have some sort of in with whatever supreme beings there are out there, but this is the real world and I don’t want to hear any of your bullshit!  You can’t go off the deep end with me here.  Don’t do stupid things because Jacob and your parents are gone and now you think you’re alone.  I’m still here, Grace!  You promised me that you’d never do anything to hurt yourself again, you promised me!”

I did.  I did promise when we were sixteen and she found me after I tried to end my life.  She not only found me, but she also saved me.  She had said she dreamt about a beautiful angel with giant golden wings that told her where to find me.  I couldn’t doubt her dream, and I couldn’t doubt it was an angel, because that would have been the only way anyone would have known how or where to find me.

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