Fall From Grace(18)

All I could offer was a half-smile.  I clutched his jacket tighter in fear that I might run and never come back.  All I could think of was Lea and how I couldn’t hurt her like that.  Nevertheless, I wanted this life to be over.  I would never stop longing for something that would never be real.  The emptiness in my soul was physically painful.

Why couldn’t Tucker be the one I’ve waited for?

“Could I take you out for dinner next weekend?  Just you and me?” he whispered as he planted little kisses on my nose and my cheek.  Any girl would be happy about this!

“Like a date?” I moved back, trying subtly to stop the continuous kissing.  “Um...sure.  That sounds...nice.”

He smiled wide and waited for me to say something else.  Did he think I was going to invite him in?  God, the thought of sleeping with him made me want to gag.  Don’t get me wrong, my body was up for it, but my mind was screaming obscenities at it.  Shane’s haunting lyrics played in my mind.

I stand there

And no one knew me

I reach for her

She looks right through me

I can search this world over

She can’t see me

I drown in tears

They look right through me

That’s how it felt.  As if Tucker looked right through me, I was invisible.  He couldn’t see the real me standing in front of him, just the body of a pretty girl with light gray eyes.

I was trapped; imprisoned.

I backed up and tried to give him my best Oscar winning smile.  “I can’t wait.”  I moved closer to the door and turned the knob.

For a split second, Tucker looked disappointed and then contentment covered his face.  “Great.  How about Friday night around seven?  I’ll pick you up.”

I pulled myself through the front door.  “Sounds like a date!  I’ll see you then.  Goodnight, Tucker.”  I closed the door on him, but not before seeing another flash of disappointment cross his face.

I leaned my back against the door and hung my head in my hands.  I don’t even know how long I stood there.  The only reason I remembered to move was because I heard Lea and Conner laughing from her bedroom.

The sounds of their happiness made my insides ache.  I glanced at the clock; it was almost two in the morning.  If it wasn’t so early I’d run.  I probably wouldn’t even make it a mile.  Best thing to do was sleep; figuring I’d weigh my options on what to do with Tucker in the morning.

I opened my bedroom door and froze.  An icy cold breeze blew my curtains gently; casting shadows across the room from the moonlight.   I flicked my light on; I never left my window open.  Gabriel lay sprawled across my bed, his hands folded behind his head.

Relief flushed through me.  I was afraid it might have been Tucker waiting for me.

“Gabriel,” I greeted him.  “What did you do, climb the fire escape?  You couldn’t use the front door?”

Gabriel frowned.  “You were busy at the front door.  You didn’t even notice me standing on the sidewalk.  How was your kiss?  I thought you might vomit on the poor boy.”

“Hmmm.  Yeah, I guess I almost did.  Do you think he noticed?”

“Mr. Kissy face?  No, Grace.  He’s way too captivated by…what does he call it…your smokin’ hot bod, to notice.”  The only emotion he showed was a slight hint of amusement.

“Yeah, I figured.  Geez, did you really hear him say that about me?”