Fall From Grace(104)

“What does that mean?” I screamed again.

“A fallen like Azazel can take over the heavens with you by his side.  Any of the fallen, even Shamsiel.”  He sighed, “You and your father were favored by God.”

“And you thought that Shamsiel searched for me all these years to take over heaven?”

Gabriel fell to his knees and hung his head low.  “He never knew you existed.  He thought you were escorted right into heaven. I don’t even know if he’ll believe me, he hardened himself, until he met Grace.”

“Is he like me?  Does he jump into dying bodies and get the ass end of life?  Or what?” I snapped.

“Most of his existence he was imprisoned in hell. He doesn’t deserve you, Selah.  Look what he has done in his human form!  He tried to erase the thought of you,” he whispered.

My body turned cold.  He was right.  Shane was nothing like the angel I kissed that day.  I had thought my heart was broken before, but in that very moment, I knew true and utter despair.  How would I ever get through this?

I slumped to the floor right where I stood. Gabriel sat down next to me and embraced me in his warm arms.  He held me close and gently rocked me back and forth. “Stay with me and I will always take care of you, I will never hurt you.”

I wanted complete nothingness.  I wanted all of this to end.  I had enough.  “I’m done, Gabriel.  I can’t do this anymore.”

“You can’t forgive him for what he’s done.  He is an angel, he was supposed to be the one to never falter, and the human was supposed to fail.  I would have never left you, if you had chosen me.”

“You know nothing of love.  You don’t get to choose who you fall in love with.  Shamsiel would have never done the things he did, if he believed I was here waiting for him.  You are not the hero here, Gabriel. You are one of them.  And I hate all of you.”

Gabriel grabbed my face in his hands and I didn’t fight back.  Why should I?

“Let me show you the truth then, so you will always know what he has done and how much and how long I’ve loved you,” he whispered and placed his lips back on mine.

Visions of Shane’s lips on nameless women, Shane’s dead body lying on the floor in a bathroom stall with a women sitting next to him giggling and Gabriel always in the shadows watching me, longing for me; loving me. His love turned into obsession. All the others shunned him.  He set the fallen ones free to capture me, he never set Shamsiel free and he had no idea how he’d escaped.  All he wanted was for the fallen to capture me and make me his own.  He wanted to rule the heavens more than all the others. It was harsh and painful.  I tore my lips from his and shoved him away as hard as I could.

“You f*cking *!  How can you say you love me and show me pain like that?   Gabriel, I’m done. It’s over.  Put me wherever you need to; end this punishment.  If you have any love for me, end my suffering.”

“Tell me you’ll never love him again.  Promise me that you will...”

“Shut up!  Just shut the hell up!  I will never promise you anything.  I will always love Shamsiel.  I may never forgive Shane for what he’s done, but that is none of your business.  You hurt me far more than he ever will.  You kept us apart and you lied to me all along.  You were the one that made our punishment.”

He glared at me fiercely; his entire body glowed with power.

I smirked at his audacity.  “Gabriel, do you think after everything that I have been through, I would be afraid of you?  I have lost everything.  I have lived dozens of lives.  I have lost so many children, siblings, parents...there is nothing that you can do to me that I haven’t already been through.  I’ve lived in hell all these years.  An idiot with wings won’t scare me!”