Fade Out (The Morganville Vampires #7)(52)
“You’re allowed to make mistakes.” His blue gaze is charcoal gray in the surreal light, the wind sending his dark hair against the furrowed creases of his forehead. “You’re also allowed to strip…if that’s really what you want to do.”
A pang hollows out my chest. “Ugh,” I groan. “It’s so not. I’m not knocking women who do…seriously. I realize just how brave one needs to be to bare all. But I’m not cut out for it. I’m not even any good at it. That was so embarrassing.” I want to dig a hole in the sand and stick my damn head in it.
“I have to argue with you on that point,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. “Had I not known you personally, I’d probably be one broke jerk by the end of the night. I’d have fed you every last one of my dollars.”
I snort. “Shut up.”
“Honestly,” he says, and takes a seat on the beach. He looks up at me, his face washed in the stars’ soft glow. “I admit, I had a different fantasy set up for that scenario. One that didn’t involve my teammates. But that small taste was enough to put me on frustrate for a good long while.”
“I shocked you,” I state.
He shakes his head. “Nothing you could ever do would shock me.”
His gaze turns intense, his eyes unblinking against the frigid wind. They hold mine for an undetermined amount of time, until his words sink in past the haze of regret. God, what am I doing?
I throw my attention out over the ocean. “We could…” I start but stop. How the hell do you proposition a guy like Ryder? I know that neither one of us are looking for anything serious, it’s just too difficult. He’s going off to join the pros, and I’m staying right where I am. Chained and bound to my life. We’re a part of two very different worlds. It’s not fair to treat it any differently.
“Tell me,” he says, and tugs on my hand, pulling me down beside him in the sand. “Just say it. I promise, I’ll hear you out.”
“As opposed to last time?” I glance over at him.
His lips turn down in a hard frown. “I told you before, when I want something badly, I have no patience.” His fingers lace through mine, the grit of sand a pleasurable friction between our palms. “You can think I’m full of it all you want, but I’m in, Ari. At this point, I’ll take whatever you can offer. I’m f*cking miserable waiting on the sideline.”
My heart stutters. My head screams not to believe him, and my soul rebounds, demanding I sate its starvation. But does it matter? In the end, when we both go off on our separate, prospective paths, does it really matter whether or not it was real? A lie, even? All I ever wanted was one moment of freedom, and Ryder is offering me just that. The chance to make one choice for myself. Right now.
To hell with propositions.
I release his hand only to straddle his lap. I link my arms around his neck, feel the taut, chiseled muscles of his stomach press against me as he clutches my waist. Then I’m looking into his vivid blue eyes, only giving him a second to refuse, before my lips crush his.
The world tilts.
Ryder’s soft lips are firm at first, holding resistance, but I don’t pull back. I part my mouth over his and release a light moan, my whole body absorbed in the caress, in his taste. He sucks in a quick breath, cool against my tongue, then a groan rumbles through the kiss. His tongue delves into the cavern of my mouth, exploring sweetly, then demanding more, replacing the cool with heat.
His hands slide along my back to grip me to him, his arms flexing possessively around me, as he takes control of the kiss. And, oh, I need him to. I give in completely, relinquishing all power, and let him own every inch of me.
I’m tearing at his shirt, trying desperately not to break us apart. Finding his hard stomach, I run my palms along the tight muscles, up to his chest, loving the way he quakes at my touch. As if he’s attuned to my body’s needs, he grasps my thighs, inching my dress up as he roams my skin. All the while pulling me down harder against him.
The rough material of his jeans rubs against my clit as his arousal grows, hardening against me with each thrust. It’s so frenzied. My hands in his hair, then back to his chest. His sliding farther up until he’s pushing the bikini top aside and cupping my breast.
Turning his head to the side with a harsh curse, he breaks the kiss, his breaths releasing in rapid pants. “Jesus,” he says.
But I’m nowhere near ready to stop. I’m at his neck, kissing and licking, losing myself in the masculine smell of his cologne. He pulls away, forcing me back by my shoulders. “Hell... Ari. Wait. Are you drunk?”
I can’t help it, I laugh. Then shake my head. “No.” And it’s the truth—unless he counts being drunk on him. Whatever buzz I had from the vodka has burned through my veins, replaced by scorching heat, my blood boiling.
He blinks hard. “I’m about to lose my shit.” He swallows, the knot inching up his throat.
That…is the sexiest thing a man has ever said to me. I’m all but attacking him again. It’s like years of pent-up frustration and disappointment unleashed. Ari gone wild. But he’s pulling back again.
“Seriously…” He makes me look into his eyes. “You have got to stop. I’ve never felt this out of control before. Just…I need a minute.”
“Why?” I lick my lips, tasting him on me, watching his gaze follow the path of my tongue. “I’ve spent far too much time analyzing every move before I make it. And I don’t want to do that right now, Ryder. You said whatever I could offer…” I trail off, not knowing how to express this without sounding like a complete, sex-starved moron. “I want you. I don’t want to overthink it. Not anymore.”