Eyes of Ember (Imdalind Series #2)(74)

I heard him laugh in my ear as I sputtered, his strong arm causing my vision to pop much faster than I would have expected.

“Watch your mate die, my son,” he said, his voice deep. “Oh no, Joclyn. It doesn’t seem like he is too concerned.”

I looked to Ryland, gasping out his name with my last breath, but he didn’t move. He just sat there, his body too weak to do anything, his eyes dim and unfocused.

I woke up in a start, gasping for breath, the panic at what had happened working me up into a terrified state. I wasn’t screaming as I had been before, this time it was a howling depression. The sounds I made were the sounds of heartbreak.

I cried and called out to Ilyan, to Ryland, to anyone that would help me, but no one came. No one was there. I wasn’t sure if I was upset that no one came or glad that I had been ignored. I couldn’t have Ilyan. I couldn’t have Ryland. There was no one else I wanted to calm me.

I turned in my bunk, my body calling out in pain as I moved to face Ilyan’s bunk. He was still in his dimly lit space, his hair fanning over the edge of his bed. I looked at him until my howls had died down into gentle sobs. I desperately wanted to go to him but one move of my arm told me how impossible that was. Pain shot through my shoulder and my back, eventually traveling into my head. I gasped through the tears at the new pain.

I was alone. Ryland, if that was really him, was pushing me away. Wyn was gone. My parents were gone. Ilyan... I was too afraid to think about. I was supposed to be the most powerful of all, destined to do something huge that I didn’t even understand. It was as Thom said, I was like Atlas, holding the world on my shoulders. And try as I might, I couldn’t be strong enough.

I stopped, my pity party halting in its tracks. Atlas. I had missed the whole lesson behind what Thom had tried to tell me. I was too caught up in my pity, in my desperation, to have fully taken in what he said. Atlas had plenty of strength. He was just too proud to ask for help when he needed it. It was not strength that I lacked, it was pride that I had too much of.

I didn’t need to be strong all the time. I needed to get over my insecurities and have the faith to let someone else help me through it. I needed to stop hiding silently behind my pain and throw the emotional hoodie away.

I was strong.

I looked at Ilyan. He might be the one who could help me do that. At least, the one I wanted.





Twenty-Three


I knew the moment I sat up the next morning that I was in trouble. My back ached and my head spun, causing me to fall back against the bed with a groan. I couldn’t wait any longer. I reached for the chain and pulled the necklace out, letting it rest in my palm.

My life felt like an endless stream of torture. First the nightmares and then in the T?uha. I may not be strong but I do have help. I looked briefly toward where Ilyan still lay; reminding myself I was not alone before plunging my magic into the necklace and closing my eyes.

I opened my eyes to the same disgusting kitchen as last time, everything rotting and falling to pieces. I regretted coming here so soon after my last traumatizing nightmare, but I had no choice.

The memories this kitchen induced and what this destruction seemed to mean felt like another knife to the heart. If the trend of my last few trips to the T?uha held true, Ryland would show up and push me out of the space. I held still, hoping to make my time in here last as long as possible and rejuvenate my body as much as I could.

I couldn’t silence that tiny voice in the back of my head that was nagging me to break the connection. I closed my eyes and shook my head roughly, opening my eyes again to a very small, very angry Ryland.

“I told you not to come back,” he spat, his little voice dripping with hatred.

“You know I can’t do that, Ry.” I tried to keep my voice level in an attempt to calm him and hopefully lengthen the T?uha, but I could tell it was a pointless effort.

“I don’t care about you anymore!” he yelled before shoving me abruptly. I let him. I didn’t know how to fight him, and even if I did, the very idea of fighting to stay in such a terrifying place did not interest me.

I opened my eyes to the carved stone roof of my bunk. The light that was reflecting through the chamber seemed brighter than before, but I knew I couldn’t have been gone long considering I hadn’t been in the T?uha for more than a few minutes. I certainly hadn’t been gone long enough to repair me completely. Everything still felt heavy and painful, just not quite as bad as it was before.

I clenched the blankets in my hands, reminding myself that a little strength would go a long way.

“Good morning!” Dramin’s bright sing-song voice echoed around me.

I sat up to face him, happy the worst of my aches had disappeared, but still wishing that all of them could have left. Dramin stood in front of me, two mugs in his hands. He held one out for me, and I took it gladly, grateful for the Black Water that would take away the last of the pains.

“Thank you, Dramin.” I sighed as the water buzzed through me.

“You seem to be doing better today,” he said. “How is your mate?”

Of course he knew. I shouldn’t have been surprised. I attempted to hide my shock at his knowledge, but I wasn’t sure I succeeded.

“He’s fine,” I lied. I probably shouldn’t have, but I didn’t know how to explain all that was going on.

“Hmmm.” Dramin’s comment was obviously to himself, so I chose to ignore him by draining my cup of the Black Water.