Eyes of Ember (Imdalind Series #2)(38)

I leaned forward into his chest; my body too tired to support my weight. “Was that supposed to make me so tired?”

“No, but I may have exhausted your body a bit more than usual. I can’t normally push that much magic into a person.”

“Why not?”

He hesitated.

“Because I kill them, Siln?.” My body tensed, and I felt Ilyan’s magic instantly move into me, relaxing me. It was odd to have him so willing to calm me, he had never used his magic on me so freely before.

“But I thought you said that the ?tít was safe?” I asked, alarmed.

“It is Joclyn. I could never hurt you. I was just scared,” he pulled me to him, his arms wrapping heavily around me. “So scared.”

“How do you know you wouldn’t have hurt me, Ilyan?” I tried to ignore the fear that was growing inside of me.

“I know, Joclyn.”

“But you said you killed someone?” I asked, my voice breaking.

“I was very young at the time. You asked me why I was in the monastery, and that is why. Repentance for my sins I guess you could say. It was an accident and I have since learned to control it.”

“An accident?” Despite being so tired, my mind was now wide awake. Fear at what had almost happened and curiosity at a piece of Ilyan’s past waking me right up. I felt Ilyan’s arms stiffen around me, his unwillingness to let me go evident.

“I was fifteen. I went hiking with my two best friends, Talon who was only eight, and Sarin who was eighteen at the time. We were trying to scale a cliff when Sarin was bitten by a snake. A combination of fear and the snake’s venom froze his magic and he fell about twenty feet.”

I listened to his voice through his chest. He was speaking so quietly I could barely hear him. I could hear the sadness he still held at the memory, the pain and regret that still occupied him. Which was surprising, it had happened more than a thousand years ago.

“Talon went for help, but I knew I could heal him. My Father had taught me how. And besides, I was the King’s son. I could do anything… or so I thought.”

He paused, and I couldn’t help but smile, thinking of him as cocky was quite humorous. Ilyan didn’t like it when people used his formal titles even now. I had done it once in the last month when I was mad at him, and the glare he gave me would forever be forged into my memory.

“I pushed my magic into him as I had been taught, looking for his injury. I kept pushing as I kept looking. And the more I pushed, the more his body began to shake, the wider his eyes grew, the less he could breathe...”

“And you killed him?” I wrapped my arms tightly around him, keeping my head firm against his chest. His heart was beating erratically now, the panicked beats echoing through my skull. I wished I knew how to calm him, to help him to feel better. But I wasn’t sure I knew how, so I moved closer, holding him.

“Yes.”

“But, it was an accident. It didn’t mean you had to hide in monasteries for hundreds of years.”

“I know. But when my Father found out what had happened, he wasn’t mad. He was overjoyed to think that his son possessed so much magic that he could kill a man with one thought. I could see then that he wanted my power for his own use, but even then I only thought it was for a simpler cause. I was so young, so naive.”

“Everyone makes mistakes, Ilyan.” I pulled away from him, wishing I could comfort him more, I held onto his hand, wrapping mine firmly around his.

“I make more than my fair share.” He said stiffly “But no more. I have been careful with my magic ever since, Joclyn. So, I am very sorry if I hurt you.”

“I’m fine, Ilyan,” I said, shaking him off. “Does everyone hurt when too much magic is used? Could I have…” I had fruitlessly attempted to push my magic into others before – into Ryland. What if I had hurt him?

“No, Siln?, it is my weight to bear on my own,” Ilyan said, his eyes digging into mine. “Since then, I have perfected my control over it in the last eight hundred years. I will never hurt you, Joclyn. And now, I can always keep you safe.”

I felt the pulse of his magic in my shoulder and I was suddenly very worried about what this new connection could mean. I knew I had acted rashly. I hadn’t thought it through and now, now I was scared. Ilyan’s words reminded me so much of Ryland’s, of his promise to me right before he had been erased. But there was a chance that Ryland could still be there, and the ?tít with Ilyan could hinder my connection with him. My mind continued to spin in confusing circles, until I flopped to the side, groaning and regretting my hasty choice.

“What happens if it breaks my connection with Ryland, Ilyan? Besides my not being hunted as easily, I mean.” I heard Ilyan laugh behind me, and my back stiffened in irritation.

“You can’t feel it can you?”

“Feel what?” I asked, turning enough to be able to see him.

“You let your barriers down long enough to let me break in, but now it is as strong as it was before. The ?tít may be here,” he said, placing his hand on my left shoulder, right above my heart, “but I still have to fight your barrier to go anywhere else. Your connection with Ryland, and you, should be fine.”

I couldn’t help the smile that spread over my face. I probably shouldn’t have been so happy considering all that the connection between Ryland and myself meant, but I couldn’t lose Ryland, not yet anyway.