Everything for You (Bergman Brothers #5)(87)

In a way, I understand. I know his life is in limbo, his pain unimaginable. I know he’s all but allergic to feelings and even more terrified of feeling them.

But it hurts to be pushed away. It still really hurts.

“Good morning, sunshine.”

I glance over my shoulder at the sound of Willa’s voice and frown. I’m surprised to see her here, given she and Ryder aren’t staying at the A-frame. Their house isn’t far, so they’ve slept at their place, then showed up to visit during the day. It’s wildly early for her to have gotten up and driven this way. “What are you doing here?” I ask.

Feisty brown eyes, curly waves tangled up in a bun, she smiles. “Forgot my phone.”

“Ryder come with?”

She shakes her head. “Nah. He’s still sleeping. I was going to drive back home now, but then I got a whiff of freshly brewed coffee.” Lifting a small mug, she says, “Mind if I join you?”

“Of course not.” I scooch a little, making room for her to lean on the deck, too.

We watch the sunrise in silence for a few minutes before she says, “So, how you doing?”

I shrug and force a smile. “Okay. You?”

She narrows her eyes at me. “Perhaps I should rephrase. How are things with you and the gorgeous grump next door?”

Dammit. My brothers never keep their mouths shut. “You heard about that, huh?”

“I also have eyeballs. I watch your games on TV. I saw that last match you two played together. He was about to rip that fucker’s throat out for you, and deservedly so. Then the way he played afterward until he went down, pouring everything onto the field until you got the win…” She shrugs. “Pretty clear what’s going on.”

I turn and face her. “How so?”

She smiles softly, leaning her elbow on the deck, facing me, too. “Let’s just say, I have walked more than a mile in his shoes.”

While both Gavin and Willa are elite-level professional soccer players, I have a hunch that commonality isn’t what she’s referring to. “What do you mean?” I ask.

“I mean I’d bet my favorite pair of cleats that after he laid everything on that pitch for you, he made your life miserable pretty much the moment you two were off it.”

I eye her warily. “Uhhh, yes. And you know this how?”

“You may not remember. You were kinda young and oblivious when Ryder and I were first working out what we were,” she says, glancing out at the land. “But I did not make things easy for him.”

I was in high school when they met in college, and Willa’s right, I was pretty oblivious, but not entirely out of the loop. “I remember you were going through a lot. Your mom had just passed.”

She nods, staring out at the sunrise. “Yeah. But it wasn’t just that. I didn’t grow up like you all did. Not many people do,” she says, throwing me a wry glance. “I was so scared. To love someone the way I loved Ryder. To be loved by him, by all of you. So fully, and unconditionally.”

I swallow, my heart aching, thinking of Gavin, how painful it seems for him to accept affection or care…any sort of loving relationship. I still know so little about his past, and I wish I knew more—his family, the years that formed him and led him to where he is now, to how and why he operates the way he does.

“I get Gavin. Like recognizes like,” she continues. “I’ve met him, too. Did you know that?”

I shake my head. “When?”

“He founded a support program for kids in state care all along the West Coast. Volunteer athletes receive training and go through a crapload of vetting. Come in at the same time, same days each week, and play sports. Give the kids encouragement, quality time, a sense of community and belonging while they’re dealing with so much uncertainty.”

I blink at her, stunned. “What?”

“Technically, I’m not supposed to tell. Professional athletes who are recruited to participate in advertisements, volunteer time for special events and fundraising, meet directly with Gavin. They asked me to film a commercial for it—”

“I’ve seen the commercials.” I shake my head, struggling to process this. “That’s his organization?”

She nods. “Anyway, when I agreed, I was made to sign an NDA that I wouldn’t disclose his relationship to it.”

“And so you’re telling me because…life’s boring, so why not get yourself sued?”

She smiles wide, dimples popping in her cheeks. “Because I’m not scared of him. Because I know you’ll protect his privacy. Because we emotionally constipated loners have to help each other out, and I have a hunch that next time Gavin Hayes comes knocking on your door, you’re going to be understandably wary that this cycle of him letting you close, then pushing you away is never going to end, and I want you to know there’s more to him than what you’ve seen, that if he works hard in therapy, if he has a partner who knows his struggles and his past, who understands he’s making his way but maybe progress won’t always be as fast or straightforward as either of you would like, he can choose you and stay with you and let you get close.” She lifts her left hand, which bears a sparkling diamond ring and matching wedding band on her fourth finger. “I’m proof.”

I stare at her, at a loss for words.