Everything for You (Bergman Brothers #5)(24)

“Cold,” Viggo says, thoughtfully.

“Yeah.”

“Ollie.” He turns toward me. “Obviously, much as we’d like to, none of us can afford the legal fees for beating up this guy who’s treated you like crap.”

“Though it’s awfully tempting,” Ryder grumbles.

Axel nods.

Aiden snores loudly.

Ren lifts Theo’s little fist, which has worked out of his swaddle, and mimes a right hook.

“I know that,” I tell them all. “I appreciate the sentiment.”

“But,” Viggo says, eyes lighting up as he sets his hand on my neck and squeezes gently.

“But…what?”

“You want the dynamic to change,” he says. “Right?”

I glance between my brothers, no idea where this is going. “Yes,” I say slowly.

“And being nice hasn’t changed anything, has it? Your kill-him-with-kindness method, it’s almost like it’s backfired.”

Ryder’s eyes widen. “Oh shit.”

“Hey.” Ren covers Theo’s ear again. “Language. But also, yes, Viggo. You are absolutely right.”

“Right? What?” I blink at them, confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Viggo’s logic,” Axel says, “is that if being kind hasn’t changed how he treats you, perhaps being unkind will.”

Viggo beams at our oldest brother. “You read that enemies-to-lovers that I sent, didn’t you?”

Axel sniffs, fiddling with a loose button on his plaid flannel shirt. “I might have.”

“What are you talking about?” I half yell.

“Shh!” they chide me, gesturing toward Theo, who squawks at my noise, then settles back in Ren’s arms.

“You refuse to read romance novels anymore,” Viggo says. “So you wouldn’t understand.”

“Well, then that’s supremely helpful.”

Viggo shrugs. “I don’t know what to tell you. Everyone else here has seen the light and followed in my path of romance-reading brilliance.”

Axel rolls his eyes. “Brilliance is a bit of a stretch.”

“I’m sorry, is or is not your life undoubtedly richer because of the books I gave you to read?”

Axel grumbles under his breath and bites into a roll.

“No offense,” I tell them, staring down at my hands. “Romance novels just aren’t for me. I’m happy they make you happy, but…”

Viggo leans in, elbows on his knees. “But, what?”

They’re too painful, I almost tell him. They hit too close to home, to what I’ve always wanted. They make me feel and hope for things that are too scary, too risky to try to share with someone again, only to have them ripped away, only for them to be used against me, to make me feel the worst things I feel about myself.

“They’re not a good fit for me,” I tell him. “I’ve tried. I’ll watch a rom-com on TV till the cows come home, but romance novels just aren’t my vibe.”

“Explain this to me,” Viggo says. “Clearly you’re not averse to the idea of romance. Why the movies but not the books?”

“I…” Staring down at my hands, I sigh. “You know how bad Bryce messed me up.”

My brothers are quiet, patient.

“I just…haven’t figured out how I can try to have a relationship differently, how to be more careful, more guarded. Those novels, Viggo, they’re so intense. It’s like I’m there, like it’s in my heart, and it’s just…kinda hard to not have it and not know if I’m ready to have it.”

Viggo nods, gently pats my thigh. And for once, he stays quiet, too.

“Movies,” I tell them, gaining momentum, like a dam inside me has burst, “they’re so obviously not real, ya know? It’s just feel-good entertainment, actors playing parts. It indulges the romantic in me but lets me keep my eyes wide open, reminds me this is all pretend.

“But your romance novels, they always felt so…real. I don’t know if it’s because I picture them, their voices are clear in my head, they feel like…part of me. And before I got my heart broken, I used to love them for that. But since then? I don’t know, man, it hurts to read it, to feel people love each other the way I’ve always wanted to be loved, only to get to The End and realize it’s over. That my life looks nothing like that and I’m honestly not sure if I want it to, because shit, is it scary to fall in love.”

“That makes a lot of sense, O,” Viggo says. “And you take as long as you need to sort out what you want, what you’re ready for. No one’s rushing you here. We just want to understand where you’re coming from. Thanks for telling us.”

I nod, taking a deep steadying breath. “So, what does my lack of romance reading have to do with my problems with Gavin?”

My brothers frown, exchanging inscrutable looks.

“What?” I ask.

Viggo glances up to the sky as dusk rolls in and paints the world moody mauve, tinged with tangerine. “I mean, romance novels, while focused on romantic relationships, also spend a lot of time excavating the main characters’ interiority—their past wounds, how those drive their present behavior and motivations, what fuels their dynamic with their love interest and the rest of the characters. I was simply going to use a certain trope to illustrate my point, but speaking plainly will do.