Everything and the Moon (The Lyndon Sisters #1)(20)

Robert planted his hands into her thick hair, unmindful of the way her hairpins were clattering to the floor. It felt just the same—silky and heavy, and the scent of it was enough to drive him wild. He murmured her name over and over, forgetting for a moment that he hated her, that she'd abandoned him years ago, that she was the reason his heart had been dead for seven long years. He relied on instinct alone, and his body could do nothing but recognize that she was his Torie, and she was in his arms, and she belonged there.

He kissed her savagely, trying to drink in enough of her essence to make up for all their lost years. His hands clutched at her, roving over her body, trying to remember and memorize each curve.

“Torie,” he murmured, trailing his lips down the line of her neck. “I've never…No other woman…”

Victoria let her head loll back, all reason having fled with the first touch of his lips. She'd thought she'd forgotten what it felt like to be held in his arms, to feel the touch of his lips on her skin.

But she hadn't. Every touch was achingly familiar and startlingly exciting. And when he lowered her onto her bed, she couldn't even think to protest.

The weight of his body pressed her into the mattress, and one of his hands wrapped around her calf, squeezing and caressing its way up past her knee.

“I'm going to love you, Torie,” Robert said fiercely. “I'm going to love you until you can't move. I'm going to love you until you can't think.” His hand traveled ever higher, reaching the hot skin of her upper thigh where her stockings ended. “I'm going to love you the way I should have before.”

Victoria groaned with pleasure. She'd spent seven long years without so much as a hug, and she was starved for physical affection. She had known what it was like to be touched and kissed, and she had no idea how much she'd missed it until that very moment. His hand moved, and she dimly realized that he was fumbling with his breeches, opening them and—

“Oh, God, no!” she cried out, pushing at his shoulders. In her mind's eye she could see them from above. Her legs were open, and Robert was settled between them. “No, Robert,” she said again, wriggling out from beneath him. “I can't.”

“Don't do this,” he warned, passion still glazing his eyes. “Don't tease me and—”

“This is all you ever wanted, isn't it?” she demanded, darting off the bed. “All you ever wanted from me.”

“It was certainly one thing,” he muttered, looking as if he were in pain.

“God, I'm so stupid.” She crossed her arms across her chest in a defensive maneuver. “One would think I'd have learned my lesson by now.”

“As one would think I'd have learned mine,” he said bitterly.

“Please go.”

He stopped on his way to the door, just to be contrary. “Please? Such nice manners.”

“Robert, I'm asking you as politely as I know how.”

“But why ask me to leave?” He stepped toward her. “Why fight it, Torie? You know you want me.”

“That's not the point!” Horrified, Victoria realized what she'd just revealed. She wasn't sure how she managed to get the words out, but she forced herself to lower her voice and said, “For the love of God, Robert, do you understand what you're doing? I am within an inch of being dismissed from this post. I cannot afford to lose it. If you were to be found in my room, I would be tossed out on my ear.”

“Really?” He looked intrigued by the prospect.

She spoke slowly, carefully measuring her words. “I realize that you do not harbor any wealth of good feelings toward me. But for the sake of common decency, please leave!” She hated that she sounded as if she was begging, but she had no choice. At the end of the house party, Robert would leave and resume his life. This was her life.

He leaned forward, his blue eyes sharp and intent. “Why do you care? You can't possibly love this position so much.”

Victoria snapped. She just snapped. “Of course I don't love this position. Do you think I enjoy attending to the needs of the world's most monstrous five-year-old? Do you think I enjoy being spoken to as if I were a dog by his mother? Use your brain, Robert. What there is of it, at least.”

Robert ignored her insult. “Then why stay?”“Because I don't have any choice!” she burst out. “Do you have any idea what it is like not to have any choices? Do you? No, of course you don't.” She turned her back to him, unable to face him while she was shaking with emotion.

“Why don't you marry?”

“Because I—” She swallowed. How could she say that she had never married because she knew no man could ever live up to him? Even if his entire courtship of her had been false, it had been perfect, and she knew that she would never find anyone who could make her as happy as she'd been those two short months.

“Just go,” she said, her words barely audible. “Go.”

“This isn't over, Torie.”

She ignored his pointed use of her nickname. “It has to be over. It should never have begun.”

Robert stared at her a full minute. “You're different,” he finally said.

“I am not the same girl you tried to take advantage of, if that is what you mean.” She stood straight and tall. “It has been seven years, Robert. I am a different person now. As, apparently, are you.”