Every Last Secret(47)

“You’re not old.” I reached for his hand, pulling it across the table, and tried to decide if I was happy or hurt by the realization that he was giving up on my ovaries.

He smiled at me. “I want to see you as a mom. And Neena said that the adoption process can be as quick as a few months.”

Any percolating enthusiasm immediately withered on the vine. “What does Neena have to do with anything?”

“Well, you know—with Matt, they can’t have children. They’ve looked into adoption in the past. She’s the one who brought it up and pushed me to consider it.”

“So you two discussed my infertility again?” I pushed the plate away, nauseated by the thought. She’d thrown away her baby. Kept it from reaching a family who might want to adopt. And yet he was discussing it with her. Getting advice from her.

“No, it wasn’t—” He stopped. “Please, I don’t want to ruin our evening. I thought you’d be happy.”

“I find it interesting that she and Matt looked into adoption, considering that she had an abortion eight years ago.” I clenched my jaw, immediately upset with myself for showing the trump card I should have held on to longer. But I couldn’t keep the words inside, not when they had clawed up my throat and out of my mouth. She had killed her baby—she didn’t have the right to adopt another.

“What?” He flinched, and maybe it hadn’t been wasted after all. “Where did you hear that?”

“It’s true. I have proof of it.” I crossed my arms and rested them on the white linen surface. “So, if Matt’s shooting blanks, then who do you think the father was?” I raised one brow and waited for a response.

Beside his spoon, his phone lit with a notification. He glanced at the screen, and it was all I could do to keep from reaching over to see if it was her. “I’m not going to ask why you’re digging into Neena.” His gaze flicked back to me. “But I just told you I was open to adoption, something you’ve pushed for for years, and you’re turning this conversation into a fight about her.”

“I want you to fire her.” I straightened in the seat, surprised a little by my own suggestion, one I’d fantasized over for weeks but had never intended on broaching. “She isn’t healthy for our marriage.”

“I can’t fire her,” he argued back. “We’re within weeks of FDA approval. We’re getting bombarded with requests and offerings—I need to have the team cohesive. I can’t rip Neena away from them now.”

“She cheated on Matt. Why in the hell would I want her anywhere near you?” I lowered my voice, aware of the close proximity of the waiter, our bananas Foster almost complete. “Don’t put the company before us.”

“Don’t put your insecurity in the way of something I’ve worked four years on.” He reached for my hand and gripped it, leveling me with a stare that would intimidate anyone but had never worked on me.

“We’ve worked four years on,” I corrected him. “I was right there beside you. Supporting you. And if I thought Neena’s presence had a single iota of an effect on WT’s success, I—”

“She has an effect. It doesn’t matter if you don’t see it.”

I pulled my hand free, looking away as the waiter set the sizzling presentation before us. She didn’t have an effect, not on Winthorpe Tech and not on him. Three months of team building and employee quizzes didn’t replace thirteen years of marriage.

“Cat, let’s focus on what’s important. We’re about to get the device in a marketable place, and then I can work less. Focus on our family. A family I want to move forward with, even if it is through adoption.”

Even if it is through adoption. A substandard solution, but acceptable in order to achieve his end result. He was always a businessman at heart and oblivious to the knife he wielded with such careless accuracy. Was I a crucial element to this equation, or a component that could be easily replaced if faulty? I used to swear on our allegiance. Now, with his refusal to fire Neena, his constant attention to his phone, his increasing detachment from me . . . I didn’t know. I didn’t know anything.

I smoothed my napkin on my lap and tried to fit my thoughts into neat boxes that would make sense.

“William, I’m excited that you’ve warmed to the idea of adoption, but I feel like you’ve been growing apart from me. Neena is wedging herself in between us. You think it’s all focused on Winthorpe Tech, but it’s more than that. Her interest in you . . . it’s unhealthy.”

“That’s your insecurity and paranoia talking. She gives the same amount of focus to every other team member.”

I rolled my eyes. “Really? She’s jogging with the biologists? Is she popping into any other employee’s house with their favorite cookies? You don’t understand. She’s going after you.”

“Just stop.” His voice was louder than it should have been, and I glanced sharply at the other tables, worried his voice had carried. “Can you focus for a minute? I’m trying to talk to you about our future.”

“Look, if you want to start the adoption process, then I’m in.”

His features calmed, and I hurried to finish the thought.

“But the minute we have FDA approval, Neena’s done at Winthorpe. Give her a big parting bonus if you have to, but I want her desk cleared and her security badge returned. I want to go back to a normal relationship with my neighbors, one where she stays on her side of the hedges and we stay on ours. Okay?”