Ever After (East Raven Academy Book 1)(73)

I shake my head.

“Well, I like you,” Estaine says.

I can’t help but smile. I never expected him to just come out and say it. He’s usually more subtle, but maybe I don’t need subtle. Maybe I needed him to just come right out and say it.

I’m aware of the fact that I haven’t said anything to him yet, but I just need a moment to shift through my thoughts and feelings.

I like Estaine. There is no doubt about that. If I didn’t like him, I wouldn’t have told him the truth.

Yes, it’s a fact that I had some kind of weird instant attraction thing going on with Brooks. But that was all it was—attraction. I had this major crush on him without ever getting to know him. It wasn’t that way with Estaine. I mean, I found him attractive from the beginning, but it’s different with him. Everything is different with him.

“Did I freak you out?” Estaine asks.

He’s so calm.

If I had just confessed my feelings for somebody and they said nothing, I would be freaking out.

“No,” I answer. “I was just thinking.”

He stays quiet, and I know he’s waiting for me to continue.

“I like you, too,” I say.

“Really?” he asks, sounding genuinely surprised.

“Yeah,” I answer, looking up at him. Even in the dark, I can see how green his eyes are.

“Do you think we should stop pretend dating?” Estaine asks.

“What? Why? I thought you didn’t want to break up...”

“I didn’t mean break up. I mean, maybe we should for real date,” he says. “I mean, I like you. And you like me. Everybody else thinks we’re dating. So, why not just date for real? I mean, if you want to.”

I have never wanted a boyfriend in high school.

But Estaine isn’t like other boys. He’s proven that plenty of times.

“I have a few questions first,” I say. “Before I answer.”

“Okay,” he says.

“If I hang out with other guys, guys who are just friends, will you be jealous?” I ask.

“If they’re just friends, I won’t be jealous,” he says.

“What if I eventually want to be friends with Brooks again?” I ask.

“You will,” Estaine says. “I know you, and eventually you’ll talk to Brooks again. I’m okay with that, as long as he doesn’t kiss you.”

I laugh. “I promise I won’t let him kiss me. If he tries, I’ll try out my MMA moves on him.”

“Good,” he says. “What else?”

“I don’t want to fight,” I tell him. “I know we don’t fight now, but if we ever get to the point where we fight a lot, I want you to be able to walk away. I do not want to be like Bryce and Emma.”

“I promise, I won’t let us be like them,” he says.

“Okay,” I say. “So... we’re, like, for real dating now?”

“Yeah.”

I smile. “It doesn’t really change anything, because everybody already thinks we’re dating.”

“It changes everything,” he says.

I look at him, wondering what he means.

“Now I can kiss you.”

And he does.

In my head, this is my first kiss. I don’t count what happened with Brooks, because I didn’t want that kiss. But I do want this kiss, and it couldn’t be more perfect than it is with Estaine.

Right here, with his lips against mine, my hands running through his hair—it’s perfect.





Wednesday, September 6





Forgiveness.





The next day, Estaine and I are both unable to wipe the smiles off our faces. All our friends notice, of course, but what can we tell them? We weren’t really dating, just pretend dating, but now we’re for real dating? No. So, for now, it’ll just be our little secret.

Estaine and I walk to the soccer fields together and sit in the stands by our friends.

Tonight, the girls’ soccer team is playing against West Raven Academy. I’m a little nervous that Brooks will show up, but I relax when the game gets started and I still haven’t seen him. I’d really like to avoid that, if possible. I’m not really mad at him anymore, mostly just aggravated. Once I tell Brooks that I am for real dating Estaine, he probably won’t want to talk to me anymore, so it doesn’t really matter.

I am a little jealous of Teagan tonight, watching her on the field. I should be out there playing, too, and the fact that I’m not is just another reminder that this life... it’s fake. Even my name is fake.

Estaine squeezes my hand, as if he knows what I’m thinking. He smiles at me, and I’m reminded that he is real. We are real. He might possibly be the only real thing in my life right now. But he’s enough.

Somebody sits to the right of me and I look over to see Emma. She has tears running down her face, and I automatically know that she and Bryce have broken up. Again. I resist the urge to roll my eyes, because she’s clearly hurting.

“What’s the matter?” I ask her, just to be polite.

“Bryce...” she sobs. “We broke up earlier. Just a few hours ago. And I just saw him kissing another girl under the bleachers.”