Ever After (East Raven Academy Book 1)(57)

“Does that mean you are dating him?” he asks.

I nod my head once, not able to find my voice. I can’t even look him in the eyes.

He stands up from my bed and begins to walk to the door, but he stops abruptly and walks back to the bed and sits down.

“Why him?” Brooks asks.

“It just... kind of happened,” I answer, still not looking him in the eye. “I got the text... about my cousin... and I didn’t say goodbye to any of my friends. We were all eating breakfast. He read the text and followed me. He refused to let me go without him, and I was panicked, so I just took him. We spent three days together and I guess it just kind of, sort of... happened.”

“Phoenix, look at me,” he says.

So I do.

And my heart breaks.

I feel a tear run down my cheek and quickly wipe it away, but I don’t look away from Brooks. I can’t.

“What we have... it’s real,” he says. “And I can’t just let you go without a fight.”

“You should,” I say, as I begin to cry harder.

“You can’t even talk to me without crying, Phoenix,” Brooks says. “Sweetheart, think what you want, but you’re not over me.”

“I just...” my voice trails off. “I’m a mess right now. Everything is all wrong. This was supposed to be a new start for me. I was supposed to come here and be safe, but they were wrong. They were so wrong. And then they do this to me.”

My hand starts to shake, so I put it down on my bed to hide it from Brooks. He can’t see how upset I am. I can’t let him know.

He’s right.

I am not over Brooks.

I’m far from over Brooks.

But I also can’t deny that I have feelings for Estaine.

“What are you talking about?” he asks.

“I like Estaine,” I tell him, hating how much my voice shakes as I say the words.

“I know. I’ve always known,” Brooks says. “I was just kind of hoping that you liked me more.”

“I don’t know what I like, okay,” I say. “I just know that I don’t want to put you in danger. Or Estaine, but it’s already too late for him.”

“Danger? What kind of danger?” he asks.

I shake my head, unwilling to say more. “Please go. Don’t make this any harder on both of us than it already is.”

“Phoenix...” he says, his voice breaking as he says my name.

If my heart was broken before, now it is shattered.

How has this boy, whom I’ve known two weeks, gotten into my heart and changed me so much? How can I live with myself, knowing how badly I have hurt him.

“I’m sorry, Brooks,” I say. “If there was any way... if things were normal... but they’re not. I wish I could...”

“Me, too,” he says, standing up again. “I know that I should hate you right now, but I don’t. If things change, call me.”

“Okay,” I say, letting out a breath.

Brooks walks out of my dorm room and I lay down on my bed and I cry.

I cry for everything that I’ve lost... even him. Because, before we ever got a chance, everything blew up in my face.

Nobody around me is safe.

And the one person I want to call right now, I can’t. Because if I call Charlie, I could, potentially, put him in more danger.

My life is a mess.





6pm.





I wonder...





I hear voices, but I don’t look up. I just keep my face buried in my pillow and cry. I cry until there aren’t even tears coming out anymore.

“What’s wrong with her?” I hear somebody ask.

“Her cousin just died,” somebody else says. “She’s obviously having an emotional break down. I don’t know what to do. That’s why I called you.”

“Okay... just... I got it,” the other voice replies.

I feel the bed sink down as somebody sits by me, but I can’t bring myself to look up.

“Phoenix,” the voice says.

I hear a door shut, so I look up to see who is sitting by me.

“Estaine,” I say, but my voice is hoarse and it comes out quiet.

“What’s wrong?” he asks me.

I start sobbing harder and he pulls me to his chest, holding on to me. He doesn’t care that I’m crying on him. He just lets me.

I love that he lets me.

He gently rubs my back, patiently waiting for me to say something. But I don’t know what to say to him. How can I tell him what I’m crying over, when I’m not even sure? There is so much... it’s been building up for so long, especially whenever I talked to Brooks, it’s like a whole flood of emotions hit me and I can’t stop them.

“I’m sorry,” I tell him, as I start to calm down. “I just... I’m being such a girl.”

“Why are you crying, baby?” Estaine asks.

Baby?

First Brooks calls me sweetheart and now Estaine calls me baby.

“It’s just... everything. And I usually talk to Charlie when I’m upset, and I can’t. I’m not even allowed to talk to my brother,” I say.

“But I’m here. You can talk to me,” he says.