Erasing Faith(44)

The instant our lips met, my fear vanished like it had never existed. I had no idea why I’d been afraid in the first place. This, right here, with my mouth pressed against hers, was the safest I’d felt in years.

The safest I’d ever felt.

My tongue in her mouth, my hands on her face — I wasn’t chaste or slow. I could barely control myself now that I finally had her in my arms. And as I lost myself in her, I found the man I’d buried deep, so long ago I could barely remember him.

I was drowning in her — this time I didn’t fight it.

I let her waves drag me under, and found myself praying I’d never be forced to resurface.





Chapter Twenty-Three: FAITH


INVINCIBLE



There’s something about first kisses.

Something sacred. Special.

Two sets of unfamiliar lips meet as strangers. They crash and cling, glide and gasp, and in the span of a few fumbling, familiarizing seconds, quickly become the most intimate point of contact two people can share.

There’s magic in first kisses.

In their fixity. Their everlasting endurance.

There are no re-tries. No do overs or take twos.

And that anticipation, that pressure to make a first kiss perfect — it typically does one of two things:

It either makes them unforgettable… or it undermines them completely.

Nerves get in the way.

People falter and flounder.

The magic is lost.

You close your eyes and wait for the awkwardness to pass. You look forward to the second kiss because, honestly, you’re hoping practice might make the next go-around a bit better than the first. You grudgingly accept that reality can’t quite match your expectations.

There’s disappointment in first kisses.

But not with Wes.

Because when he kissed me, my world exploded.

I felt myself light up like a roman candle. Stars burst behind my eyes, as though I’d been staring at the sun for too long, blinding me to everything. It all disappeared — the view, the other passengers behind us in the cable car, the nervous energy that had been simmering in my veins since we’d boarded.

Everything but him.

And as his mouth explored mine — as he and me conjoined and slowly became we — I realized that I’d never been kissed before.

Not really. Not in any way that counted.

Every other middle-school spin-the-bottle peck, every sloppy seven-minutes-in-heaven, every backseat make-out session in Conor’s truck… they all faded away as I realized they’d never measure up to Wes’ kiss. They weren’t even in the same league.

This wasn’t just our first kiss.

It was my first real kiss. Ever.

And it didn’t live up to expectation — it far surpassed it.

His lips consumed me, unhinged me, crushed me, undid me. His hands wove into my hair, as mine traced the subtle scruff along his chiseled jawline. I felt my heart expand in my chest like a balloon, so full of delirious helium it might just lift me off the ground and send me floating into the sky. His kiss carried me away — up, up, up to the highest heights. It should’ve scared me.

But when his lips were on mine, I didn’t fear the air or the altitude. Even the prospect of falling back to earth didn’t terrify me. He kissed me, and for the first time ever, I felt brave. Empowered. Adventurous.

I could climb any peak, conquer any challenge. Soar beyond any point of panic or self-preservation.

He kissed me, and I was invincible.

***

“Excuse me?” The bashful voice and gentle clearing of a throat broke us apart. Working to clear the Wes-induced haze from my brain, I swung my startled gaze toward the funicular exit, where a uniformed attendant was standing. He shifted anxiously from one foot to another, his eyes darting from the floor to the seat, where Wes and I were still semi-entwined.

“I’m sorry sir… miss…” The man trailed off, his cheeks flaming. I’m not sure who was more embarrassed — him or me. “We need you to make your exit. The new passengers are waiting to board.”

I wanted to curl into a ball of mortification beneath my seat as I glanced around for the first time and realized that the cable car was entirely vacant. Evidently, we’d been so consumed, we’d neglected to notice that the car had come to a stop and fully emptied of every other passenger.

A muffled laugh came from Wes’ direction. I swiftly elbowed him in the side, hoping to silence him.

“I’m so sorry,” I mumbled. “We were… um…” I tried desperately to think of an explanation, but I was pretty sure the attendant had already seen us necking like preteens. The play-it-cool card wasn’t going to work — that ship had sailed as soon as Wes’ tongue had entered my mouth. Seconds ticked on in silence. My cheeks were literally on fire; I was afraid the whole car might combust into flames spurred by sheer humiliation.

“We were just… uh…” I trailed off again.

“Enjoying the view,” Wes finished for me, grabbing my hand and hauling me to my feet.

The attendant smiled slyly. “Of course, sir.”

“So… we’ll just be going, then…” I swallowed harshly, hoping to dislodge some of my discomfort. “You know, it’s really a beautiful funicular.”