Ensnared (Knights of Brethren #3)(26)

This time I didn’t contradict her even though everything within me wanted to kiss her again. I’d already kissed her two times too many—once during my last visit home and just now.

That had to be enough. The two kisses would have to sustain me for the rest of my life.





Chapter

10





Mikaela


Had I really just kissed Gunnar?

As I watched Riki and Rena skip away hand in hand into the arbor, sparks were still flying through my body. I didn’t dare look at Gunnar, but I was aware of each of his movements: the jabbing of his fingers into his hair, the shifting of his weight from one leg to the other, the clearing of his throat.

Gunnar seemed to be watching and waiting for Riki and Rena to disappear too. Did he intend to pull me back into the shed and kiss me again?

The sparks crackled into flames, and I was tempted to reach up and touch my lips. They felt swollen and changed from his kiss, and somehow, I sensed they’d never be the same again.

This kiss had been entirely different from the one he’d stolen from me five years ago. We’d been young and unsure, and the kiss had been so light and tender that it had barely qualified as a kiss, at least compared to what we’d just shared.

Oh heavens above. Nothing could compare with this one.

I stifled a sigh and forced myself not to push Gunnar into the shed, slam the door closed, and throw myself at him. Before I kissed him again, I had to do the right thing and talk to Frans.

I needed to apologize to him for kissing Gunnar without first bringing an end to our relationship. Even though Frans and I weren’t betrothed or promised to each other, we’d had an understanding of a future together, and I regretted that I’d betrayed him. It was cruel of me, and I was ashamed that I’d hurt him.

But it was all too clear I couldn’t marry him. I’d tried all week to make myself love him. But something inside resisted the idea, perhaps always had. Was it the same something that had secretly been relieved when he hadn’t been able to pay the bride price after the fire? I hadn’t wanted to admit the relief even to myself, but how could I deny it any longer? Especially with how I felt about Gunnar.

And how, exactly, did I feel about Gunnar?

I slanted him a sideways look. His brow was furrowed, his eyes troubled. He’d apologized for kissing me and had taken the blame for Frans’s anger upon himself, was likely already making plans to speak with Frans.

“I’ll talk to Frans,” I said quietly. “I’ll explain to him that—that—” What? What was the nature of my relationship now with Gunnar? With each passing day, I’d sensed my feelings changing. With how considerate he’d been in continuing to give me food, with the desserts every eve, with the stories he told more for me than the girls, with the teasing and smiles in passing—all of it reminded me of what I’d always loved about him, how thoughtful, caring, sweet, and funny he was.

Surely the kiss meant he wanted to be with me. And I could no longer deny how much I wanted to be with him. I’d already tried on that account and failed at it miserably.

The truth was, the more I was around Gunnar, the more I realized he was everything I needed in a man. Yes, I’d labeled him as my enemy. And I’d tried to hate him.

But I couldn’t any longer.

Gunnar pulled at the shed door, closing it firmly, clearly having no plans to take me back inside. “When you speak with Frans, tell him I’m giving you the money for the bride price.”

“What?” Why would I need the money now? After this kiss . . .

“I’m taking away my stipulation that you need to love him.” Gunnar stared into the distance, still not meeting my gaze. “I’ll give you the money without any conditions. It’s what I should have done all along, and I’m sorry I didn’t.”

I stared at Gunnar, at his jaw working up and down, at the pounding pulse in his neck, at the rigidness of his shoulders. What was he saying? “You want me to marry Frans?”

“Yes.”

I didn’t understand. How could Gunnar kiss me so passionately one moment and in the next toss me into another man’s arms? “You told me Frans will never make me happy.”

“I was wrong.”

“You said he was too serious and steady for me.”

“You need someone serious and steady.”

Unlike him? Was that really what Gunnar was hinting at? That he’d given me the wrong impression with our kiss? That just because we’d shared a moment of intimacy didn’t mean I should start dreaming of a future with him?

My heart sank with a sickening thud. What had our kiss really meant? Maybe he’d seen me as nothing more than a challenge, another conquest, the same way I had been last time. And now that he’d made me like him—and gotten his kiss—he was ready to abandon me for the next maiden.

A gust of cold wind blew through me, putting out the sparks that had reignited for Gunnar. I fisted my hands on my hips and faced him squarely. “You have no need for me now that I’ve given you the affection you seek?”

He dropped his head and his shoulders. “No, Mikaela, it’s not like that.”

“If you weren’t using me again, then what were you doing?”

“I wasn’t using you.” His voice contained a note of desperation, one I wanted to believe. Even so, he was cutting me out of his life again. I didn’t understand it, but I wouldn’t allow him to do it to me first.