Ensnared (Knights of Brethren #3)(18)
“Father’s forbidden him from going.” Kirstin licked her finger. “But I don’t know how he’ll stop Enok.”
My sister and I shared the same brown hair color and had similar brown eyes, but beyond that we were different in almost every way. Whereas I was petite and had more pointed and delicate features, she was tall and broad and sturdy. I was practical and level-headed, while she was easily swayed and emotional. I was responsible and self-reliant, but she needed others to keep her steady.
“If only the earl hadn’t issued the challenge,” I said wistfully. Perhaps the earl had known the hunger of his villeins would drive them to desperation this spring and make them more willing to sacrifice their lives.
“And Frans?” Kirstin glanced again toward the forge doorway. Moments ago, Frans had been observing us, but he was no longer there. The red sparks flying in the air and clanking from inside meant he was hard at work again.
Gunnar had also been sneaking looks our way as he’d saddled his horse. Ever since he’d stepped outside and walked to the stables, I’d been keenly aware of his presence, as if my body had a special sensory organ that was made specially to detect him. Of course, I’d attempted to shut it down, block Gunnar out, and ignore him completely.
But when he’d crossed back into the castle, my traitorous gaze had followed him anyway. And my traitorous heart had skipped faster, as if trying to get me to chase after him. I was much too desperate for a smile, for a teasing comment, for even just a word. In fact, ever since he’d come to the nursery the day after his arrival, I’d been waiting to see him again, secretly hoping he’d return.
Every time the nursery door opened, my skin tingled with anticipation, only to feel cold when he didn’t come. I berated myself for how easily I was distracted by thoughts of him. And I spent the majority of my time reminding myself of the reasons why I had to ignore him. What other reason did I need besides the most obvious one—that I’d found him locked in the embrace of another woman and kissing her?
Of course, he’d never made pledges or promises to me that long-ago summer. He’d been free to embrace and kiss any woman he wanted. But I supposed more than anything, I’d been confused . . . and maybe still was over why he’d seemed sincere and genuinely interested in me and why he’d spent so much time seeking me out, when it hadn’t meant anything to him.
“Frans,” Kirstin persisted. “He hasn’t mentioned accepting the challenge again, has he?”
I’d told Kirstin about Frans’s desire to take the earl’s challenge, and now I wished I hadn’t so that she didn’t have to worry about both Enok and Frans. “I’ll watch out for Frans, and you look after Enok. We’ll appoint ourselves their guardian angels.”
Just the mention of angels took me back to Gunnar squatting in front of Riki and Rena, calling them angels. Seeing a strong knight like Gunnar lower himself and speak to them so sweetly had melted my insides.
No. I gave myself a mental slap. I couldn’t think of Gunnar. I had to dwell on Frans. I needed to fall in love with him. I closed my eyes, pictured my dear friend, and attempted to feel love for him. But as with all the other times I’d tried over the past few days to evoke any heat, I couldn’t do so. Not only wasn’t there a spark, there wasn’t any fuel either.
Kirstin finished cleaning the bowl and handed it back to me. I passed her the bundle of food to take with her to the thatched cottage my family lived in on the outskirts of Romsdal with the other villeins who farmed the lord’s land.
She lingered only a few minutes longer before going on her way. As much as I enjoyed her visits every morn, I worried about her traveling about on her own. But she insisted on coming rather than sending Enok in her stead.
With a final wave, I retreated down the steps and to the lower level where the kitchen and storage rooms were located. The scent of herbs and vegetables and venison in a stew filled the passageway, and I faltered feeling suddenly dizzy. I stopped and braced myself against the wall.
The door of the storage room beside me swung open. I started forward, not wanting to be caught lingering lest anyone accuse me of trying to steal from the stores. But before I could make it past, a hand reached out, caught my arm, and began to drag me out of the hallway.
I jerked to free myself, and in the same instant I caught sight of Gunnar with a finger pressed against his lips cautioning me to remain silent. I ceased my struggling and allowed him to pull me into the room.
He closed the door behind us, and darkness would have encompassed us if not for the candle resting on a nearby barrel, illuminating a platter filled with all manner of meats and cheeses and breads.
I salivated just glimpsing it and rapidly turned my attention to him instead. “Are you making it your mission to scare me to death?”
I waited for a witty comeback, for his ready grin, for him to tease me about how easy I was to sneak up on. But his beautiful face was more serious than I’d ever seen it before. “No, I’m making it my mission to ensure that you have enough sustenance that you’ll live.”
“As you can see, I’m living.” I reached for the door handle, unwilling to subject myself to his pity or the reminder of the difference in our stations.
He stepped more fully in front of the door and leaned against it. “You’re giving your family almost all your food and leaving nothing for yourself.”