Drive(69)

“No problem,” I said with bite directed at Ben. “You two lovebirds have a great fucking night.”

“That’s not fair,” Lexi said as she followed me to my bedroom, where I grabbed some boy shorts and a T-shirt from a drawer. She leaned against the doorjamb. “What did he say?”

“Nothing. He saw Nate drop me off and sped off. But seriously, he’s going to play jealous? I haven’t heard a word from him since he left, he shows up to Austin, and I bust him with some chick. And, Lexi, it was the craziest shit ever. I was in the middle of the crowd—thousands of people—and I just so happened to look up.”

“Are you serious?”

“One single step forward without looking up and I would have missed him.”

“That’s insane.”

“No, what’s insane is something inside told me to look up. I just felt him there. Felt him close.”

“I’m sorry,” Lexi said quietly.

I slammed my drawer and walked past her. “Like I’m the one who should have to explain myself.”

“You shouldn’t. You don’t.”

“Why did he come here?”

“Because maybe he just needed to see you were okay,” she offered.

“I’m not now,” I said, walking into our bathroom. I caught Lexi’s face in the mirror. “I’m sorry. God, Lexi, ever since you moved here, I’ve been a total mess.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she said in a low voice. “I’m breaking every rule in my own book.”

“I fucking hate this!” I said, turning on the shower. “I hate how much I want him to turn around, even knowing he had his hands all over someone else. I’m not that girl, Lexi. I’m not.”

“You love him and it’s okay to be a little crazy because of it.”

“Is it?” I asked hoarsely. “Why was he here?”

“I don’t know. I wish I could tell you, Stella. Men are complete idiots.”

“I heard that,” Ben barked from the couch.

“Good,” she hollered back over her shoulder with a shrug. “Take your shower. Come get me if you want to talk.”

Under the scalding water, I did my best to try to figure out where Reid’s head was and realized when it came to him, I may never get any answers.

I cried until the water turned cold, and then I walked into the living room and sat next to Ben, who held Lexi’s head in his lap.

I nudged him with my arm. “I’m sorry.”

Ben wrapped an arm around my shoulder as Lexi smiled up at me.

“I’m going to split his fucking lip the next time I see him, babe, I promise.”

I swallowed the tears that threatened. “Make it hurt.”




A few nights later, I was using insomnia to my advantage, typing out a new article for Speak. My phone vibrated next to me on my bed where I was propped with a pillow on my lap. I didn’t recognize the number. It lit up only once. I looked up the area code and saw it was a Nacogdoches number.

I closed my laptop and dialed it back with my heart in my throat. He picked up on the first ring.

“Hello?” I croaked with tears pooling in my eyes.

Silence.

“Reid?”

More silence. “Reid.” It wasn’t a question, it was a demand. I needed to know he was just as ruined by our goodbye as I was. I needed to know the girl in front of him at that concert meant nothing.

That he hadn’t forgotten me. Every beat of my heart was a please, please, please.

“Stella,” his voice was heavy, slurred. He was drunk. A state I’d never seen him in.

“I’m here. Are you okay?”

“You won them, didn’t you?”

I didn’t answer as he exhaled his cigarette. It sounded like there was a party going on in the distance.

“Of fucking course you did,” he said with a sarcastic chuckle, his voice full of bitterness. “You just can’t stop trying to save me, can you, Grenade?”

“Why did you leave?”

“Why?” Another exhale. Another tension-filled silence. And when he spoke, his voice was ice. “Because I didn’t have any goddamn right to be there. I had no right to ask who that motherfucker was. Not the first time I saw him drop you off and not the last. You were never mine.”

Kneeling on my bed, I clutched my phone tightly. Please. Please. Please.

“I was yours, Reid. I still am. It’s not what you think with him.”

More silence. I heard a woman laughing hysterically in the distance.

“I’m sorry.”

The phone went silent in my hand.





Into the Black

Chromatics



“Stella.” It was a plea from Lexi. “Stella, please get up.”

I pressed my face into my pillow and pulled the covers over my head.

“Get up, damn it!” she snapped as she opened my blinds.

“Don’t, Lexi, please just leave me alone. Okay? I don’t need a throw-me-in-the-shower-clothed intervention. I’m sick.”

“You’re not sick! And you missed a week of classes. Your parents are calling, and I can’t keep lying to everyone!”