Drive(62)

“We were never supposed to happen,” he said, dodging me. “I’m not good for you, Stella.”

“Bullshit.”

“I’m not. Your sister knows it. Everyone seems to know it but you.”

“Because it’s not true.”

An exasperated laugh left him as he looked down at me, our eyes locking, breathing the same air. Seeing my panic, he shook his head. “You’re better off.”

“I’m not,” I said as angry tears rolled down my face. “I might not know much, Reid, but I do know this: I’m yours.” My breath hitched as he dropped his bag before he thrust his fingers in my hair and crushed his mouth to mine. I gripped him just as greedily as he parted my mouth before his tongue plunged deep. Kissing him in that moment was completion, bliss and agony, and at the heart of it, it felt like goodbye. And it hit so deep, I began to cry before I ripped my lips away, fighting to keep that feeling. Fighting as long as I was able to. Despite what he said, it was his kiss that told me our love was real, and I would do anything to keep it. To keep Reid.

“Don’t leave. Please don’t leave. We can work this out. I’ll talk to Lexi. Don’t go.”

“I’m on my knees, Stella,” he whispered, his forehead pressed to mine. “And I’m fucking exhausted from being here. I’m sorry,” he said softly.

He moved past me and began shoving his shoes into the bag.

“Reid—”

“I’m leaving, Stella.”

“Fuck!” I screamed, gripping my hair before I sank down to the floor. I heard the rustle in his bathroom, and sometime later, I heard the god-awful sound of the zip. I was still sobbing when he knelt in the closet in front of me and softly said my name. “Stella.”

“I can’t believe you’re giving up. If you could only—” I hiccupped “—for one second, see what I see. Just believe me,” I begged, refusing to look at him. I was shattering and I showed it. I held nothing back as I let the raw emotion pour out of me. Apparently, I had no dignity when it came to my heartache. None. I was wide open, he saw it, and I let him see. A gentle hand caressed the side of my face before my head was tilted up.

“You’re making a mistake,” I whispered.

“I’m tired of starving, tired of working my ass off, getting up only to get kicked down again. I need a breather. I want out of Austin for a while.”

“But you’ll come back?” I implored, as the tears crested over my lips. They tasted like ruin. “You’ll come back, right?”

“I don’t know.”

I narrowed my eyes. “You don’t know?”

He brushed my hair away from my face. “You remember that seven minutes you saved me? I just wanted to spend them with you, Stella.”

“You can have all of them. I’ll give them all to you, Reid. Stay.”

He closed his eyes as if my words hurt. “Stop.”

“Stop,” I bit out bitterly. “Not going to happen.” I could feel his frustration as his eyes begged me to understand. And I did. But it didn’t mean I had to let him go without a fight.

“Fine, if you won’t stay for me, what about the band?”

“They’ll find someone else. I don’t have it all figured out.”

“But you’ll play again. You aren’t done, right?”

“I don’t know.”

Tears pooled and multiplied. I could see his pain, feel it, and it was my only comfort, because his words only twisted the knife.

“Don’t hate me,” he whispered.

“Just don’t stop playing, Reid. Don’t give up.” I kissed his jaw. “Go home,” I said, standing, and he followed suit, now towering above me. Steadying myself, I found the words and the strength I had left to speak them. “If I’m not what you need, then go find it. I bared myself to you, and you didn’t have the decency to fall in love with me. I probably will hate you. I fell for you, scared, but I did it anyway.” Courage, anger, or one of the half-dozen emotions racing through me pushed the rest out. “But don’t stop playing. Promise me. And make this promise count.”

He stayed mute, and I felt the last rip of my heart as he refused to give me that much.

No longer able to control my sobs, I stumbled out the door and down the stairs toward Lexi, who looked at me wide-eyed before muttering, “Oh shit.” Ben was silent, his eyes filled with anger while he looked over my shoulder.

“Stella,” Reid said from the top of the steps, eyes steel green, face stone as he watched me cry. My breath stuttered as my body shook with silent sobs, pain on display, heart stung and fluttering in my chest in confusion. “I promise.”

A moment passed between us before I nodded. His eyes lingered briefly before he walked back into the apartment and closed the door.



That night I moved into my apartment while Reid Crowne left Austin—left me.





Normally this is the part where you flip the tape over, or change one burnt CD for another, but technology has managed to make it more convenient for us all to relive our individual soundtracks anywhere, anytime, at our fingertips. All I had to do was press the little right facing triangle on my iPhone to submerge myself back into a life that seemed light years ago.